My dad seems to be in denial that I am pregnant!

[Peridotty]

I moved to the US with my husband after we got married last year and I am due any moment now with our first baby!

When I announced my pregnancy to my family 6 months ago, my dad's response was an incredulous 'No, I don't believe you. I won't believe it until the baby is born.' No congrats or anything like that and no more mentioning about it.

Since then, he has not mentioned once about the baby, or how I am feeling at all. Instead, he sends me daily texts and photos about his own life and sends me a bunch of YouTube videos everyday about coronavirus conspiracy theories etc. Never asks me how I am.

He even suggested that I fly back home next month (forgetting the fact that I will have just given birth and have a newborn). I said I can't, I will have a baby by then. He just said 'ok'.

Would this annoy you? It's like he is in denial that I am going to have a baby or forgotten about it.

It would annoy me.
But if you look into the root of the problem, is he just devastated he is missing out on a grandchild? So trying not to focus on it?
Even if this is the case, it is still really shitty of him x

That's weird behaviour from him. What's he like otherwise?

Sounds like he has mental health issues tbh.

Sounds really weird. Probably spending too much time reading conspiracy theories online. It can make people a bit strange.

@BeMorePacific He is definitely not devastated he is missing out on a grandchild. I think if I took her home to meet him, he would probably just ignore her.

@TemoraryUsername he has always been v self absorbed. he never asks me how I am even when not pregnant. always talks about himself and about his own interests. didn't interact with me as a child either.

Sounds like narcissistic behaviour to me. My father is exactly the same, not once has he congratulated me on my pregnancy or said he was happy. He is very self absorbed as well and constantly talks about himself.

My DDad couldn’t get excited about either of my pregnancies until we’d had our scans and seen everything was ok. If you speak to him, he doesn’t ask me about my pregnancy beyond asking if I’m ok but it’s more generally. He did laugh about the size of my bump already and how I couldn’t really whinge yet as I’ve still got 18 weeks to go. That’s it.

However, he is the most devoted Grandad to my 6yo DD. They are absolutely best friends and my DD adores him. I know he will be exactly the same when DD2 arrives.

Is it possible that your dad can’t get excited about it yet because he worries?

Coyld he possibly be in the autistic spectrum?

Could he possibly be on the autistic spectrum?
(My last one had lots of spelling mistakes!)

@Cheeeeislifenow

We think that he might have Aspergers but some of the things don't quite fit.
He doesn't hate loud noises or being around people and he doesn't hate social interactions (in fact loves them because he loves to talk about himself).
However, he has intense interests, is very self-absorbed, has terrible melt downs when stressed, has no friends and doesn't have empathy.

Typical narcissistic behaviour.
Only interested in himself. No regards for your feelings or situation. No empathy.

Well, if he's always been like that, it's not surprising, is it? It's a shame obviously but I think you need to give up hoping he's going to change.

I'm not expecting he will change, no.
It's just really annoying when he bombards me with 20+ selfies and text messages about his day and never asks me about myself. A lot of the time I don't even bother replying. It just makes me so mad sometimes.

Hi, all. OP has requested that we move this thread to AIBU, so we're doing so now.

Op you don't have to have every single "symptom".
It sounds like my dh, often really simple things just don't occur to him about others, like the not being able to travel after having a baby.
It seems narcissistic but in reality it just doesn't occur to him.

For the first time, there is an unbeatable reason why YOU should be the focus of attention. He doesn't like it.

Add to that the fact that you having your OWN baby really does draw a line under the 'you child, me big parent in charge' dynamic. He won't like that either.

Ignore everything he sends from now on. When he complains, reply that you are focused on the baby right now, thanks. Baby is almost here. You're tired because of the BABY. BABY BABY BABY

He's behaving in the same way as he did before u got pregnant, the same way he always did even when you were little - judging by your updates. Based on that I don't think he'll ever change. There's nothing you can do i'm afraid. It's best to focus your attention on the people who you are close to, keep your distance from your dad & not let his lack of interest in the pregnancy or baby get to you. Not easy but the best option imo. Congratulations on the baby

It's called the autism spectrum for a reason not everybody has the same signs, and not everybody has them to the same extent. However, you'll only really know if he agrees to get assessed.

It just sounds like how he is. I can understand hoping that having a baby might make him take more of an interest in you and it sucks that he hasn't. It's his loss.