To ask why I’m even here

[Neednewlashes]

I’ve NC’d for this but I’m feeling pretty shit. My teen dc frequently mess up the house bit when I shout at them suddenly I’m the baddy SD I feel guilty. I work so hard to make our home nice and it feels like an insult that they don’t give a shit. I do everything for my family and try to be good and kind but I feel like all I do is fuck up. I’ve been depressed recently and got help as I didn’t want it to affect my dc but I’m now self harming and I feel like a failure. I have a successful job which I’m good at but it involves caring for others so I also feel like a hypocrite. If I didn’t earn so much I’d wonder what the point of being here is. I’m really close to my dc and am normally a fun and stable mum, but I’ve struggled recently. My mum fucked me up with her severe mh issues (way worse than mine) and I worry that I’ll do the same so I just pretend I’m fine all the time. I had a horrific trauma which destroyed me a few years ago but I kept going for my dc but the pain won’t go away. Not even sure what my aibu is - I think I just want some hope

Yes I’ve been having help for the past year. I was feeling a lot better but lockdown has made me feel worse and I don’t even know why. I feel like I’m a complete failure at everything. I was really happy a few years ago and I hate this new life and this new me

Please understand that you're not alone and so many people are struggling in a variety of ways. Everyone being under the same roof almost all the time is not healthy and conducive to happy family relationships. I know it feels like it's a long way off, but it won't be forever. It's a horrible, horrible phase. There are some good resources out there at the moment, Nataly Kogan has a weekly webinar which covers some good things (including not putting a face on in front of your children). Be kind to yourself, this is tough on everyone and I'm sure everyone has their moments.