His texting habits.

[PoppyWooo121]

I'm 23, boyfriend is 22. Both not living together and because of coronavirus both not seeing each other. Not working atm.

I just seem to feel i'm the one making an effort. Tried to call him yesterday at 1pm, je didnt asnwer and responded saying he was 'busy and will call later'. I said okay. Didnt hear off him until 9pm and I called him, asked what he's been up to all day and he said 'nothing, been bored really'.

Text him this morning saying good morning. It's now 2pm and nothing. He's been online but i'm feeling really distant from him :(

Need some perspective from you 'tough love' mumsnetters

[PoppyWooo121]

A few days ago i didnt bother sending my usual 'good morning' message because he hardly responds anyway so I didnt see the point. I just got on with homeschooling.
Yet at 4pm I get a message - 'You havent messaged me today :(' so I made a joke thay I might as well message myself with him and he joked back 'true but you know I love you'

So i sent good morning texts the past few days and hardly a response

[Chamomileteaplease]

Thing is, as a PP said, there isn't much to talk about at the moment. If it was up to you, how often would you chat?

Or do you just want inane texts about nothing? Just so that you have some contact?

Wouldn't you rather have a proper twice weekly chat when you might actually have something to say to each other? He obviously isn't a "good morning" sort of texter!

[PoppyWooo121]

But overall last night's call is the reason I feel crap.
In the afternoon youre apparently "busy",
Yet at 9pm at night you say you've done nothing all day and been bored

[PoppyWooo121]

@Chamomileteaplease
I dont expect chat 24/7 but life is not normal atm. Usually we hardly text but I have his physical presence but I havent had his physical presence, like many couples, since lockdown.
Therefore, it's easier to feel distant. I don't think i'm asking for much for some sort of acknowledgement from my little 'good morning' text. It just shows i'm thinking about him

[BemidjiMinnesota]

He's not that into you. You can spend hours of your life and all your brain power trying to figure out why he's doing this but it would all be wasted: he's not into you.

If he wanted to talk to you he would. If he wanted to feel close to you he would do things that helped him feel close to you. If he missed you he would try to make more contact. He doesn't do any of those things because he's not arsed. You are just a sop to his ego.

Listen to his behaviour, not his words.

[Wewearpinkonwednesdays]

I'm your do in this situation. My do gets irritated when he's away working because I hardly ever contact him, or he will phone when I'm busy and forget to phone him back. I just can't be bothered messaging or being on the phone for idle chit chat, but then we have been together for 8 years so maybe not the same thing.

[Wewearpinkonwednesdays]

Not do, dp

[borntohula]

I was gonna ask if when he says 'busy' is he playing video games because I know how immersed people get (not a gamer personally but have known plenty).

On the plus side, you didn't message the other day and he did notice. If I were you, I think I'd leave it to him and keep yourself as occupied and distracted as possible. I know it's difficult, especially at the moment.

[PoppyWooo121]

I ask him if we can watch a movie simulatanously together one day and always just get 'yeah one day' or 'not tonight'.
I ask if we can maybe play an online game one day together. I get a 'no cant be bothered'.
I'm trying to find ways to stay connected and have fun together to keep that connection whilst not being able to see each other but I dont know what else to do

[PoppyWooo121]

@borntohula if he wants to stay connected with his friends playing video games then that's great; he's not a gamer and hardly plays games before lockdown,
But surely he wouldnt be playing games from 9am-9pm?

[Palmtree76]

The argument that there’s nothing to talk about is bullshit. I would still speak to my ex about anything and everything- you don’t necessarily need to have done anything to chat about.

Sounds to me like he’s lazy- the message he sent the other day saying “where’s my message” or to that effect means it bothers him.

Give him a taste of his own medicine. Turn your phone off, ignore it for the rest of today. Do something fun you enjoy or chat to mates, don’t wait for him to text. Redress the balance and let him panic and flap a bit. He’s being lazy, I don’t think he’s ghosting you.

[PoppyWooo121]

@Palmtree76 before lockdown we saw each other almost everyday and when we do call we have things to talk about, even if it's about the news,
So to go from seeing each other everyday to hardly a text is rubbish

[JoesExotic]

I agree with a PP, he's losing interest because he can't sleep with you. He doesn't see much point making an effort.