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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask family not to meet baby until 3 months old.

79 replies

MsChatterbox · 16/05/2020 07:47

I'm due in June, if lockdown is lifted then it will be my decision when family can meet baby.

I've read that babies' immune systems are a lot stronger at 3 months than they are when first born.

Would I be unreasonable to ask family to wait until this point? We would also continue to isolate until that point too.

OP posts:
Itisbetter · 16/05/2020 09:15

I said above I would be comfortable with a park meet just not the whole kissing and cuddles. but you can’t meet in a park so it doesn’t matter how comfortable you are.

RingaRosie · 16/05/2020 09:19

I’ll be staying under the radar with my baby (due in June) for the first few weeks / months. Regardless of Coronavirus. Grandparents can see the baby if they want, but wider family / friends, no. It’s just not important for them to see a newborn.

AnnaNimmity · 16/05/2020 09:21

I agree, it's your child, so do what you want. But I think you're wrong too.

Presumably if you have a son already you will have to go out in the next few months with your new baby anyway.

Dieu · 16/05/2020 09:28

YABU.

Hiphopopotamus · 16/05/2020 09:29

@Itisbetter well you’re a real pedantic rule sticker aren’t you, with no common sense or nuance Hmm

I’m due in two weeks - how about I hire my mum as a paid nanny and my dad as our cleaner, then both can come in and out of our house as much as they want according to ‘the rules’. Is that safer than meeting at a distance in the park?

Fenlandmountainrescue · 16/05/2020 09:59

Its difficult. In normal times, you come across as a little nutty, but these are not normal times, and a little nutty can sometimes be common sense.

LemonTT · 16/05/2020 10:01

None of us know what the situation will be like in a few weeks or months. We may be operating in bubbles or be in a hard lockdown. There’s no need to make any decisions right away based on the actual rules or the broad spectrum of MN rules, the current risk level and the known science. That will all change.

Plus people fly off the handle if your risk assessment is different from theirs on CV and for that reason alone it is best not to share it unless you have to. Right now that is not an issue. Decide when the baby is born.

Sunshinesweet123 · 16/05/2020 10:05

I had my baby 12 days ago and the midwives have all said to keep him away from any risk of transmission for as long as possible. In my head I’m thinking 8 weeks as then if he does get a temperature I can Atleast try and keep it down at home with calpol unless urgent medical care is needed. It’s so hard to know what to do for the best. I can’t wait to have the support of my parents and family back but they are also keyworkers so have accepted it will be a long wait to meet him

BeardieWeirdie · 16/05/2020 10:21

My baby is 9 weeks and hasn’t met any family yet as they all live hours away in England and we’re in Wales. There’s no option of just meeting up in a park, police are turning cars back coming into Wales. I really wanted my mum in the first couple of weeks but hormones have settled and I’ve accepted that this is just how things are.

Original poster
MsChatterbox · 16/05/2020 10:55

@LemonTT this makes a lot of sense. I think it's because I know if I make this choice it will upset family. So I posted hoping people would say they would do the same so I didn't feel so guilty. But I'll just wait it out and see what happens!

OP posts:
Nowisthemonthofmaying · 16/05/2020 10:57

@MsChatterbox my mum is going to come and stay - it's my first and I really want her there! She's not in a high risk group and will isolate for two weeks beforehand and then isolate with us, which is an acceptable amount of risk for me.

Original poster
MsChatterbox · 16/05/2020 10:57

@sunshinesweet123 it's so hard isn't it! I'm glad the midwives have said this though so it's not just me being paranoid. Not how we planned it all is it!! I like the concept about waiting until I can give calpol at least. Congratulations!

OP posts:
Original poster
MsChatterbox · 16/05/2020 10:58

@BeardieWeirdie that sounds so so tough! I was an emotional mess that first week and having my mum really helped. I'm nervous to not have her this time!

OP posts:
HappyDinosaur · 16/05/2020 10:58

I think it is your (plural) decision as the baby is equally your husband's. However I don't think it is unreasonable not to want to take any risks with a newborn.

Original poster
MsChatterbox · 16/05/2020 10:59

@nowisthemonthofmaying that sounds like an absolutely ideal solution for you guys!

OP posts:
Original poster
MsChatterbox · 16/05/2020 11:05

@HappyDinosaur husband is more extreme that with me on it so no worries about having him on board!

OP posts:
Owwlie · 16/05/2020 11:50

My DD2 is now a month old and has not met any family. MIL looked after DD1 during my labour (well, DD was asleep so she just sat downstairs) and left as soon as DH got back from the hospital.

Grandparents and other family haven’t asked to look at the window/meet in a park, I think because they want to be able to hold her, which they know they can’t.

When she was born the midwives were very clear that I should be social distancing with her for a good while, they said until 12 weeks and to then ‘reassess the situation’ as it may still not be safe. They said they were concerned about the risks of pneumonia and sepsis as complications of the baby getting unwell with Corona.

If they introduce the ‘double bubble’ idea we won’t be ‘bubbling’ with either set of grandparents as we don’t think it’s fair to pick a side. We aren’t doing anymore than DH going to work (not frontline and his work have put in really good social distancing measures) getting food on click and collect and going for walks in the park a few times a week so we’re at minimal risk, we don’t want to increase that, especially as my dad is frontline.

You have to make your own decision about what is safe, if social distancing is still in place (which it most likely will be!). Ignore the dramatic posts about people being distraught and how you’re unreasonable and paranoid. I’m sure family wouldn’t want to risk passing a virus onto a newborn baby or new mother!

babybunny123 · 16/05/2020 12:20

My daughter has just had a baby, my first grandchild. I totally respect that she does not want anybody to go into her house and hold the baby. Yes it is gutting but at the end of the day it is yours and her choice. I have seen him at a distance and yes i want to hold him but it will have to wait. Babies may not be able to contract Corona but my daughter and her partner are not immune and what would happen then if they got it?.

Rebelwithallthecause · 16/05/2020 12:22

It’s your choice but 3 months is a long time for no one to have met baby

Not too sure how that will be good for either of you as you’ll need human contact other than the members of your own household surely?

Vallmo47 · 16/05/2020 12:22

I think you are being very sensible OP and not unreasonable in the slightest. But I’m in the minority here clearly. My niece is due in a week and I’ve already said that it absolutely breaks my heart but I cannot come and see her baby after his arrival. She also has a 2 year old who I miss terribly. Your family should understand and take into account that they could potentially get your children sick with something we do not have a cure for. It’s LOVE staying away.

Original poster
MsChatterbox · 16/05/2020 13:24

@owwlie that's a really interesting point about being at risk of other illnesses! I'm hoping my health professionals say something similar and not just "it's up to you" so at least then I don't feel like it's my fault!

OP posts:
yikesanotherbooboo · 16/05/2020 13:39

Do what you like OP but you can't dress this up as a sensible health precaution.

Itisbetter · 16/05/2020 18:29

@Hiphopopotamus
well you’re a real pedantic rule sticker aren’t you, with no common sense or nuance
Ummm no not particularly, you’re a bit rude aren’t you?

how about I hire my mum as a paid nanny and my dad as our cleaner, then both can come in and out of our house as much as they want according to ‘the rules’. Is that safer than meeting at a distance in the park? well obviously having your parents in your house to see your baby is more risky than you seeing your mother alone at 2m distance in a park.Confused being third trimester isn’t an excuse for being unpleasant OR for ignoring guidance that reduces risk.

CornerOfTheSky · 16/05/2020 19:15

I'm due at the end of June and, if lockdown has been lifted, I am thinking of telling family that we've been advised by the midwives no holding of the baby by anyone not living in our household (which I'm hoping they will genuinely advise us to do!).

I don't have any issue with socially distanced meetings, but the thought of my newborn being passed around so many visitors is making me feel uncomfortable right now (not PFB, I have other children). I'd like to at least get through the first few weeks and find my feet before even thinking about risking exposing ourselves to illness.

pigsDOfly · 16/05/2020 19:24

Why do you think that lockdown will be completely lifted by June OP?

There's a question over whether school will open in June, and if they do it will only be certain classes and will be done in a very controlled way.

My DD works in the hospitality industry which is unlikely to begin to reopen until the beginning of July.

I suspect we will still be in lockdown to some extent for some time yet and if you don't feel happy about introducing your baby to family until he/she is 3 months old it's entirely up to you.

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