Long list of things upsetting me today. Well this week.
I’ll try and keep this short.
- I have been NC with my dm since before Christmas. Long story for another thread but She’s never been interested in me or my dc but always wants me to do stuff for her. She has always been critical of everything I do. Nothing is good enough. I have a busy life working and full time study but she won’t support me eg one day a week teenage dc need to go somewhere for 30 minutes until I can collect them but she makes this out to be a huge favour. My life has been better and less stressful since I have gone NC. For the record she hasnt contacted her grandchildren
- I separated from my ex, father of my two children 5 years ago after years of dv. I am much happier and in a new relationship but still get a lot of problems from exh. This caused me a lot of upset. I still live in fear of him and he has a huge influence over teenage dc. More importantly my dd listens to everything he tells her about me.
- my teenage daughter is hard work. She is constantly moody and speaks to me like her father did. She is horrible to my son, 2 years younger than her. Last week she threw a glass of juice over him at the table at dinner time. She had gone out to meet a boy I don’t know during lockdown and i decided to remove her access to WiFi in the house. She went to stay at her dads. He is now saying that I am not entitled to child maintenance because of this and not paying this month. I am also struggling as not able to work due to lockdown rules. I am newly self employed so don’t qualify for help and have applied for lots of jobs but not heard back.
3 I fell out with my dsis a few weeks back. I removed flowers she placed at our gm grave that were 6 months old mouldy rotten and well and truly dead. Issue is they were her wedding bouquet I kept a charm and diamanté pins from them and told her I had them. She not speaking to me despite me apologising a fair few times. I am so sorry I did it but they were dead and I thought she would have been upset if she’d seen them like they were. I had removed them and forgot to tell her I had the pins until 6 weeks later. She is saying that she wasn’t ready to move the flowers and that I had no right to either. Yet in 6 weeks the grave she went to regular she hadn’t noticed they were gone. She is ignoring messages and phone calls from me.
4 I am really missing my work. I’ve studied and worked a lot of hours to keep my self busy and not be dwelling on things in the past. Since lockdown I’ve redecorated the house (I already had the things to do it) I’ve walked my dogs I keep busy but it’s not stopping me thinking about the money worry.
What my issue is, is a failed marriage, NC with my mum, May daughter going to live at her dads and now my dsis not speaking to me makes me think I’m a horrible person. I must be horrible.
My ex contacted me last week about my daughter going to live there temporarily and said he told me she (dd) hated me (he used to say this when the kids were small “the kids hate you”) he said I haven’t changed I dont speak to my mum or dad (22 years ago I went NC with my dad who was badly dv to my mum and an accusation of abuse to a relative)
I am not suicidal but the only person I am here for is my son. Even my partner whom I love would be better off with someone else. He must dread coming home from work as I’ve been crying every day. I am older than him and he should be with someone who can give him children.
If it wasn’t for my son I would just go.
For the record I have no friends or other family. I’ve clients from work I’m close to and I have tried to engage with them by message asking how they are etc. But conversation goes nowhere.
I tried to call a helpline to chat with someone but half way through she asked where I was from. I am just out with on the border of the town the helpline is for and she said sorry I can’t help you due to your postcode. I had halfway poured my heart out to her.