Background: I adore the ground this child walks on. I adore her. She was very much wanted. I had 3 miscarriages before I got her (and another 3 after her). But she arrived just after my dad died in his mid 60s and within weeks of her coming, my mum got sick and died, also in her mid 60s. A few months later her other grandmother died. Her grandfather had died 4 years earlier. So you get the picture, lots of death around her arrival.
I tried so hard to mitigate that - for years I took her to toddler groups, music groups, painted my happy face on and tried to keep some sort of semblance of sanity. Her older sister went to school, seemed happy. But my youngest was savvy. I'd find myself drifting off into grief at times, then realise she was scanning my face, which would jolt me into action, reminding me to be an active mum.
Her toddler years she spent rejecting me - it was devastating. She would say, I don't like you. I might have over compensated at this time with affection, cuddles. But it meant nothing to her - why would it - who needs an absent or grieving mother?
She was an angry child. Really angry. Cynical, bitter. All these years causing constant fights with her sibling, even assaulting her to the extent I needed to take DD1 to casualty. She has made a lot of threats to kill herself over this time. CAMHS have been involved multiple occasions.
She is now 12 and nothing has changed. She abuses me and hits me, calls me a bitch ass ho. Says she wishes I'd die. Not sure what I have done wrong as her sister is so centred and mentally well. So mature and kind, compassionate.
Please don't flame me. I just want to know how I can help my youngest DD. I grew up in a family where there was abuse. And now a bloody child is abusing me. My husband doesn't really do much other than remove her from the house for a while to distract her, but I feel that the message sent is that it's fine to abuse Mum. My other DD is horrified about this and would never agree to that. But that seems to be what has been established in our family dynamic.
I don't know what to do.