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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want to hold my children even though I might have the virus

28 replies

boeballs · 15/05/2020 14:48

I am ill at the moment, fairly mild symptoms, pretty sure it’s not the virus, but as I have tightening in my chest and occasional tickly cough my husband wants me to self isolate as he has asthma. I am currently in bed as I don’t feel great, but this is day 2 and hearing my 17month cry because she can’t come near me is breaking my heart. My other DD is older and is happy to stand just outside the door and chat.
I don’t know how I would cope not being able to see my 17month old for 14 days and I don’t even know if I have this bloody illness! This is all very ironic as every day I have been craving peace and quiet ha ha! Now I have it.. I don’t want it!

OP posts:
coffeeandjuice · 15/05/2020 15:33

Hmm this is a really tough one! Sorry you're poorly.

I'd say that if your husband is vulnerable then you can't touch your dd. Sorry! Especially as it seems children are likely to be asymptotic and so she could well be carrying it and pass it on to your Dh and you wouldn't know.

That's so tough though and I'm not sure I could follow the advise I'm giving you

BarbedBloom · 15/05/2020 15:38

I am sorry OP but in these circumstances you need to stay isolated Flowers

Candyfloss99 · 15/05/2020 15:39

No you can't cuddle her, don't be selfish.

Leodot · 15/05/2020 15:43

I know it’s tough but you cant. How would you feel if you passed the virus to them or your husband because you deliberately ignored medical advice to stay isolated? You already know your husband is in a higher risk category, why would you risk his health? If you are sick and then your husband gets sick who would care for your children? I know it’s really hard but you have to be sensible in this case as it could have awful consequences if you aren’t.

rosiejaune · 15/05/2020 15:56

YANBU, they are virtually certain to be exposed to it (if not already, before you had symptoms) if you live together, so it's pretty pointless. And it might not even be that anyway.

And the vast majority of asthmatics will still not have it badly.
Conversely, I'm not asthmatic, but I've just had pneumonia for the 4th time.

It's only 7 days for you anyway, if you don't have a fever then. It's 14 days for them, unless they develop symptoms, in which case their 7 days starts then.

Original poster
boeballs · 15/05/2020 16:27

@Rosiejaune this is how I feel, surely everyone has already been exploded seeing as we are living together anyway! The 7 day advice is helpful I was not aware of that and have no fever so I think I could make that work without going into complete meltdown and as soon as my youngest is away from me after her initial upset she does calm down. It’s just so sad 😞

OP posts:
Original poster
boeballs · 15/05/2020 16:28

Clearly I meant exposed not exploded ha ha!

OP posts:
Cuddling57 · 15/05/2020 16:31



OwlBeThere · 15/05/2020 16:32

Of course you aren’t unreasonable for wanting to. You’re her mum and your instinct is to comfort her. But you should stay away if you can. Horrible though and you have my sympathy.

Cuddling57 · 15/05/2020 16:33

This may help:

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.bbc.com/news/amp/uk-51506729

AIBU to want to hold my children even though I might have the virus
Isadora2007 · 15/05/2020 16:36

Nothing would stop me cuddling my baby. Sorry but I just couldn’t.
Maybe your husband can self isolate from you and the kids or move out if he can go somewhere?
Realistically he has been exposed already... bolting the stable door after the horse has gone?

Original poster
boeballs · 15/05/2020 16:44

Thanks @Cuddling57 that does.. I think the most frustrating thing is I probably don’t have coronavirus just a bog standard bug!

OP posts:
DontStandSoCloseToMe · 15/05/2020 16:47

I thought we all had a bug about eight weeks ago, 17 month old DS ended up being blue lighted into hospital by ambulance, I know it must be hard but trust me it's not worth it. At the start I had a sore throat, and what I thought was conjunctivitis, then came a tickly cough, dizziness and a slightly heavy chest, then the fever, bad cough, breathlessness. Better safe than sorry

Thisismytimetoshine · 15/05/2020 16:50

Nothing would stop me cuddling my baby. Sorry but I just couldn’t.
Given that op has just said she has suspected Covid 19 your post is irredeemably dim.

quarantinevibes · 15/05/2020 16:50

Surely they’d already have it by now as they’ve been with you the whole time anyway? I Would suggest your husband self isolating so you can take care of the kids as that’s what you want to do and feel up to it. Hope you feel better soon Daffodil

Leodot · 15/05/2020 17:20

@Isadora2007 @quarantinevines

My husband caught it at work and obviously had to self isolate, as did I. We had slept in the same bed the day before he showed symptoms so had obviously been very close to each other.

The day he got symptoms (raging fever and chest pain) we stayed away from each other for about 9 days in total. I didn’t get anything.

I’ve not had a test so obviously can’t say if I’ve had it or not, but my point is, just because OP has been near her husband and the kids, doesn’t mean they have automatically got it already. If OP is sensible and isolates now it could stop her family from getting sick.

OP I hope you feel better soon as well 💐.

Cuddling57 · 15/05/2020 17:47

Has anyone mentioned viral load yet?
Maybe something to google and consider for isolating from your husband.

Di11y · 15/05/2020 17:51

yes, I got a cough and isolated in the bedroom. my dh is v obese and has asthma. TBF he lasted 3.5 days before he broke me out as couldn't cope. but no fever and cough had gone chesty by then. if you picked it up somewhere you got a small dose. if your dh or children get it from you they'll get a bigger dose and get it worse than they would have.

Original poster
boeballs · 15/05/2020 17:56

I am going to do the recommended 7 days and very interesting to hear your symptoms @DontStandSoCloseToMe. When you go online they focus so much on fever and persistent cough that when you don’t have that you question yourself.

OP posts:
Yankathebear · 15/05/2020 17:57

I feel for you op but you know it’s the right thing to do.

My children moved to their dads at the start of lockdown and have been there since. I’m really struggling but know it’s for the best. I’m a nurse and worry that I’ll catch it and bring it home and won’t know until it’s too late.

Original poster
boeballs · 15/05/2020 17:58

I would never want to jeopardise my family, just really struggling today to be away from the kids and hearing how upset they are at times. My husband had been an utter trooper. I will owe him one after this!

OP posts:
adag · 15/05/2020 19:29

My husband had 3 weeks of self isolating with a pretty nasty dose of the virus... our second baby was only 4 weeks when he had to isolate so it was very tough on him to miss so much time... but despite him being very ill, none of us caught the virus so it did work and was worth it.... tough for sure but you do need to stay away tbh xxxxxx

corythatwas · 15/05/2020 20:05

OP, it isn't just about your husband. The more that is known about Covid, the clearer it becomes that children are not as invulnerable as was thought at first. Toddlers can develop Kawakasi syndrome which is very serious indeed. I would do the full 14 days to protect your little one as much as anything else. It is tough, but it is in her best interests.

It is not a given that she has caught it off you already: I didn't catch measles off my best friend though we had been playing every day before she went down with it. Keep her safe. Hope you feel better soon!

OneMomentInHistory · 15/05/2020 20:21

As others have said, I can totally understand why you want to, but it's not worth the risk. I don't suppose you/husband fit in to the testing categories do you? (Key workers, people who need to work outside the home, over 65).

WaterOffADucksCrack · 15/05/2020 20:39

My husband had been an utter trooper For looking after his own family? No one says this about mothers/wives.

OP if you cuddle them or whatever you're knowingly potentially exposing them to it. Surely you wouldn't do that to an enemy never mind your own family. Many parents have been away from their children for weeks on end due to their jobs and not wanting to expose their children. There are many more heartbreaking things than not being able to give your children a hug for a very short amount of time.

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