To ask for help to get a life?

[Hwyrynos]

For a long time I’ve been focussing on work to the exclusion of pretty much everything else (two degrees- a career change). I’m mid 30s, single and childfree. I am lucky to have lots of friends and a lovely family but they’re all dispersed around the country and are busy with their own families (children).

I have realised that I am now a boring/dull person. When I was in my teens and 20s I had an exciting life, mostly through my social group, and there are lots of things for “young people” to get involved in. Now I don’t go anywhere or do much because I have no-one to go with, everyone does things with their family, or has other financial priorities now.

I need a new social group. I need a hobby, a ‘life’ to balance out the work! But getting a social hobby is hard as an adult, I’m not good at sports, and I don’t live in a city where there are interest groups, I’m in a beautiful rural town where the closest city is 3 hours away.

Any advice at all? What can I get involved in that will bring me into contact with others roughly my age and that is FUN?!

Can you sing? Could you see if there are any choirs near you?

Social dancing is marvellous. Sounds like it might involve a drive though. But seriously Ceroc or Leroc are franchises for modern jive and it is by far, IMO, the best way to meet folk from all walks of life. You can make it however social you want to, go to weekenders, holidays, party nights. I can't say enough good things about it. Check out their websites for a class near you. And no you don't need to go with a partner.

Thanks @curiouspixie are there really weekends away and holidays etc?! I would love something like that, I think I would drive a long way for that.

I was going to say modern jive! It's so easy to learn and is really good fun and very addictive. For women especially it's very easy to get quite good quite quickly, and you meet so many people. I used to do it a lot, and people would drive a long way to get to freestyles and events. I went on some weekenders at Pontins a few times too, and they were great fun. I have dozens of pairs of sparkly shoes from those days too. I only stopped because work got busier and I had some foot problems, but it was great fun.

The good thing is that it's very easy to fit into a different night in a new venue because they all follow the same format and very similar steps. I normally danced in the midlands, but when I was in London overnight for work a couple of times I went along to some London ones with loads of strangers and had a great time.

Mind you, not much modern jive going on right now I suppose...

Agree, music and dancing are sociable and you don't have to have any particular talent or skill. But it does depend on what you enjoy, I have two left feet and no sense of rhythm and am tone deaf so dancing/singing is a bit miserable. How about browsing through meetup.com just to get ideas, there's a vast range of different groups on there across the whole of the UK, anything from walking to board games to crotching to language conservation classes martial arts to environmental issues to simple social groups that meet up for a chat in the pub or a cafe? Even if there isn't a meet up group for something that interests you in your area, if something really takes your fancy then google for classes or centres locally, or perhaps holidays/away trips you can join, or even start your own group up?

The other thing that might be good for you is volunteering or campaigning for a cause close to your heart? Personally I don't find this necessarily works as a way of making friends (I have always got on well with the other volunteers I meet but never really ended up socialising outside the confines of the volunteering activity) but it certainly does give a great sense of fulfilment and purpose outside of work which I think is what you are after.

And finally, if its a partner you are seriously looking for, I am a bit contrary to popular opinion and think the best way to go about it these days is to give concentrated attention to dating, rather than trying lots of random social activities in the hope you'll find someone attractive and single that way. I know people do have success with the latter, but personally (when I was single) I was quite picky and the chances that someone who met my criteria, attractive, not a lunatic or horrible person, lived in my area, is single, wants a serious relationship AND happens to join the local Italian class at the right time would have been so small that it just wasn't going to happen - plus the process of going up to random men at groups and deliberately questioning them to find out if they were single and interested, then signal my interest, and try and agree a date, all while everyone was packing their stuff up from the group and milling around to leave at the end of the class/group was just a bit cringe/elaborate - much more straight forward using dating apps and websites, going to singles events, getting your friends to set you up etc etc. Not that modern dating isn't an absolute mindfield, of course it is, but at least you start off on an 'dating' footing rather than trying to force dating onto a social/hobby based interaction. Just an opinion, don't @ me

If you can count to 4 and remember the difference between left and right, you can do modern jive well enough to enjoy it, even if it's not to Strictly standards.

@Hwyrynos Basically what ShinyMe said. And yes there are holidays. You can go to Medfest in Spain for a week or a Ceroc Cruise. Leroc will do similar. There is also West Coast Swing and all the different Lindyhop, Shag (keep it clean), type dancing. But Modern Jive are the easiest ones to learn and like ShinyMe said, the format is the same class to class so you can turn up anywhere and dance. A typical class night is thus:
30 minutes beginner moves where you learn three basic moves. You rotate round the whole class every few minutes so you get to dance with everyone. There then follows about 20 minutes freestyle where you practice your moves and different folk will ask you to dance. The beginners then go to a separate room with Taxi Dancers to go over the moves more and ask questions. Taxi dancers are basically experienced dancers who are happy to show you the ropes. We've all been there and want nothing more than to see you start your dance journey. Whilst this is going on the intermediate class takes place with same format. After that, both classes come together for about 1.5 hours of freestyle. That's just a typical night.

Then there are party nights, often with a theme where you can dress up, dress down, dress for the theme. What's not to like about donning a frock and sparkly shoes (you can never have too many pairs) and dancing. And it is really easy to learn. The moves don't involve counting or too complicated footwork (unlike West Coast Swing). The taxi dancers and others will specifically make sure you get danced with and, if you're happy to do so, just go and ask others to dance. It is considered impolite to refuse.

Then there are the weekenders where you get back to back workshops focusing on specific things (dips n drops, dancing in the slot, blues, aerials) plus non-stop dancing. Honestly at Pontins it goes on all night.

Then there are the holidays. Honestly it's the best thing. You'll start talking about your dance family. It's like having a big extended family who look out for each other. You can be as social as you want. It's faaaabbbbuuuuulous!

You can probably tell I love it. Unfortunately I'm missing it terribly as it was one of the first things to shut down and will probably be one of the last to re-open, due to the very nature of being contact and changing partners. But go! Or at least try. You will never regret it and only wish you'd started earlier.

Well I do love dancing so this has definitely caught my interest! Is it a wide mix of ages? Not that it really matters of course, but it would be nice not to stick out if you see what I mean. Mid 30s a normal sort of age for Ceroc??

Several of my colleagues do Ceroc and they range from mid-40s to 60s but I believe there are lots of people there. They do all sorts of none-dancing activities with people they’ve met through dance too, loads of pub quizzes, cycling, swimming etc.

Another vote for social dancing as a fun pastime. Not much happening in real life, but plenty to try out on line at the moment.

https://www.swingpatrol.co.uk

Meanwhile, it's worth working to improve your aerobic fitness and core strength.

Enjoy.

Ages range from 16 upwards. A complete cross section. In larger cities there are a few more younger ones (I’m in my 50s but started late 30s). But I’ve never noticed ages or felt too young or too old. The experience is about the dance. About half my FB pals are from the dance family and there are lots of other social things that go on too, nights out, cinema, etc. You can get as much from social dancing as you want. I’m married with a teenage family so have a life outwith dancing but if I was on my own, looking to socialise then this tops the list because there is no pressure and you’ll be dancing with someone else in 5 minutes.

Art classes. Cooking classes. Pub quizzes. Photography as a hobby. Book clubs. Or a class in a gym. I knoe you said you are not good at sport. But there is Zumba (dancing) and yoga and pilates and boxing etc. Plenty of fun stuff x