Struggling with 4 year old

[Kab30]

Im fed up of the constant battles ...he wont listen ..he shouts all the time and he wont do as hes told...Hes angry all the time ....Help x

Its gone quiet xx

I think it's an age where they're finding their own autonomy, on top of which the whole lockdown debacle is impacting on children as they're home 247 with the same faces, not able to do the things they'd usually do. So I'd say its absolutely normal and to be expected. Though hard for you.
Sometimes hugging them until the anger subsides helps.
Sometimes letting them let it all out and not saying anything, as long as they're safe, is the best thing.

Try the book how to speak so children listen and how to listen so children speak.

It's so tough with lock down.

Thank you...just keep thinking its only me xx

It is definitely not just you.

My 5 year old is like this just now. I'm going with extra cuddles (when he will let me) to calm him down. And extra wine for me! 😂

I need a gin by 10am lol x

Mine is driving me mad. If you search on Mumsnet though there are lots of threads about demon 4 year olds so it seems like a development thing and a lock-down thing.

My youngest is 4next month......I keep expecting him to morph into a human that will listen to me and stop touching everything and stop making that horrible scream cry that makes my toes curl.......!!!

I think 4 is one of the worst ages for lockdown. My nephew is nearly 4 and just doesn't quite understand lockdown but is totally overwhelmed with the different kite and missing nursery and friends. It's completely unnatural what a 4 year old is going through. They need their little friends and social stimulation ideally. I would just do whatever makes life easiest and don't expect his behaviour to be ideal right now.

Thank you ...when hes good hes good ..when hes bad hes a demon ....he just hits out ..its driving me mad xxx

Its so good knowing its not just you xx

It's hard for everyone just now. And little kids aren't great with emotions, sometimes they do angry/arsehole when really they are scared/sad. Extra difficult for parents though x

Do you want to say what you've tried OP? I find if my own mood or energy is low, it really effects the DC's behaviour so it can be a vicious cycle. If you can ham up the affection and love and praise etc, it might turn it around a bit for you? Let comments.or grumpiness pass you by so at least you don't buy into it yourself as that's exhausting. Let yourself get a bit silly and have a laugh together and admit it's hard away from the usual routine.

Its just the hitting thst drives me up the wall ....he always says sorry after hes done it but he shouldnt do it ....xx

@Kab30 Can you give an example?

When does he hit, what is happening?

Its when hes fustrated and cant get his own way x

My 5 year old does the same. It's just frustration and pent up emotions. I think he'll grow out of it. I try to be calm and say it's not nice to hurt mummy and let's have a cuddle but it's hard. What works best is lots of praise when he is behaving "well" (even if that just means not being a little sod!). for us x

Its really hard ...and awful when he does it in public x

Yes but just remember what everyone else is thinking is "I'm glad it's not my kid this time" or " I remember when mine did this, glad they have grown out of it"

Thank you too minty xx

4 is hard. It’s a age of big emotions and not all the tools to cope.
Anxiety is often shown as anger and rage that this age.

My DD used to hold it all in all day then explode at me once she got home.

It wasn’t because she was being naughty, angry or a demon but that I was her safe person she could rage and explode all her built up emotions and feelings she couldn’t deal with and know in her heart that I will still love her and she was safe.

I found sometimes when DD was losing her shit and I let her know that when she wants a cuddle and is ready I’d be there to give her one, helped.

You need to change your mind set of him being awful. It just feeds it. (Well I personally found it did)
I read “The Whole brain child” which helped me think from her point of view.

Try to get to why he feels so angry. It’s not about you telling him he can’t do something but more likely because he feels he can’t do anything and it’s the final straw that broke him.
I find laying in bed in the evening having a chat and a cuddle with the lights off helps my kids open up and talk to me.
We talk about other things then they will talk about what’s wrong eventually.
It’s not every day but a couple of time a week.

Mine was an angel until she turned 4.

Feed the good, ignore the bad.
To a 4 year old all attention is good attention. (Kinda like C grad celebs)

We also did a sticker chart for good behaviour with rewards like board game time, one on one time with whatever parent to do what they wanted (like LEGO) with no phones or distractions so not stuff more time based.

Change your language about how to talk to him. It’s not about what he did wrong but thing like I really loved how well you listened, you did such a great job helping. Try to reframe his behaviour in a more positive light.