i left home with my 2 DDs for 2 nights cos my DH humiliate me in front of SIL

[omotunde]

I felt belittle when my DH shouted at me and ordered me to drive the SIL to some place and i refuse purely because there was no petrol in the car and he refuse to give me money for it. As he cannot drive neither my SIL, he is not ready to look after the DDs (6yrs and 8wks old). So i left the house on sunday, on arrival back to the house he refuse to talk to me. did not even call to ask after the DDs while we were away, not even bother what might have happened. anyway got home and told him how upset i was. but no reaction whatsoever. i feel like strangling him . what can i do to get through to that thick skull of his that you do not disrespect your wife in front of the third party?

what an ares. why is he not ready to look after the girls?

He does sound like an arse. He clearly thinks this behaviour is acceptable and you have to show him it's not. Why did you come back, Does SiL live with you? Is this part of the problem?

You can't keep uping and leaving with your DC's everytime there is an arguement - think of the long term impact on them if this happens everytime you are hacked off with your DH.

Think you seriously need to consider the validity of your relationship. Don't blame him for not speaking to you.. if he'd upped and left with your DC's for two days over a silly arguement how would you feel?

That's a bit harsh Mascara. Reading between the lines, I wpould say that this is the tip of the iceberg.

Omotunde - why can't you leave the girls with him at times. Do you not trust him?

Also, what was the SIL doing when he was shouting at you? Was she on his side or trying to stay out of it?

Can you give us a bit more info.

So you wouldn't drive your SIL somewhere but you drove out if your home with your DCs?

As for getting through "his thick skull", if you gave him respect then you would probably get it back.

I don't think I'm being harsh - it is wrong to use children as a weapon, they'll be the ones that end up fucked up if this continues through their childhood.. if things are so bad that you genuinely want to leave that's one thing but the OP sounds like she left to make a point and is now pissed off cos her dh isn't talking to her.. well quite frankly if a DH had behaved like that we'd all be up in arms.. can't hav it both ways!

have to say i agree with MOH although she put it better than i could!

If i had done that to my DP after a stupid row(which this one was-tip of the iceberg or not) he would have changed the locks.

actually, mulling this over.

you do know that by removing your children from the house you are punishing them as well?

But I understood she was taking them with her because he wouldn't look after them. Plus the younger one is 8wks old and maybe still bfeeding.

It seemes to me that the one lacking respect was the husband, if he shouted at the OP to do something. He could have asked nicely, no?

It doesn't say anywhere in the OP that she drove off with the children (maybe she walked?)

I also don't get the impression that she was using her children as a weapon but needed to get out because she couldn't stand her husbands agressive behaviour towards her (not to mention lack of respect)

Then she says he not ready to look after the DC's one of whom is 6 years old, so he sounds like an incompetant arse to boot!

Omotunde, perhaps it would be best if you could could come back and clarify things a little further and then we might be able to help!

I don't think this is necessarily a stupid or trivial row. If a husband really "orders" his wife to drive his sister somewhere but won't give her any money for petrol then it starts to ring big alarm bells for me (obviously it would depend on the circumtances e.g. who is WOH in the relationship, how finances are handled, etc.).

Hi MNers, thank you all for all your Help. first of all when i decided to leave the house, it was because my 6yrs ran into her room and blocking her ears from the shouting. secondly i left the car in the house and took the bus all around the whole of london before i decided to retire in a hotel room because i was still very upset from the shouting and i found it so hard to calm myself. and as for the SIL, she was quiet throughout the whole shouting and when i was leaving the house i apologised to her for not being able to take her. she does not live with us but spends the day with us on sundays.

ooooh, i prsonally would have given her a lift but thats just me.

There wasn't any petrol in the car Liesel and DH refused to lend her any money to fill it up. Otherwise I am guessing she would have driven the kids around London instead.

Sounds like you have some issues concerning communication within your marriage and for the sake of your children, I think you should try to resolve it. I don't mean put up with his shite behaviour btw but either try and sort it out or leave.

I cannot imagine how traumatic it must have been for your daughter to have witnessed that

So, in answer to your original question - No, I do not think you were being unreasonable but you will be behaving very irresponsibly if you allow this to continue.

thank you ThisIsDavina and everybody. I believe I have serious thinking to do over this but my children comes first and if he cannot fix up, then he can lump it. And if he belive that what i do is not good enough, he can go and f**k his sis for all i care. shame she does not have a partner so she does not have a clue what is like to build a home.