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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Worried

23 replies

Redletter123 · 14/05/2020 23:51

I’m currently living with family until I get another place that before my ex partner made me leave as he threatened my son than denied my back in November so social services are involved as my son is child at risk it’s currently a court proceeding to get proper custody or shared custody of my five year old son, but I’m seeing my new boyfriend and just found out I’m pregnant I haven’t told anyone yet or about him as my ex partner is making rumours about me so we are keeping it a secret I have learning difficulties but I’m planning to study to become a midwife in the future but I’m worried that will social services won’t give me a chance to keep my baby as i am good mum i protected my son against the father in the past so far I’m allowed to see my son for 3 hours a week until the next court date that I brought on to see my son what are views on this matter please

OP posts:

Merryoldgoat · 14/05/2020 23:55

Sorry - I can’t quite get this clear in my head. Is your son currently in the care of the Local Authority and you only are allowed to see him for 3 hours per week?

Notimeforaname · 14/05/2020 23:57

Sorry for your troubles, I didn't quite understand, who your child is living with now?

PulyaSochsup · 15/05/2020 00:00

That sounds horrendous. You could try asking SS to tell you what they would need from you for them to consider you being able to keep your children. I know it’s difficult but I wouldn’t advise hiding your pregnancy from them, it won’t help matters if you’re perceived as dishonest. Your solicitor might be a better source of advice. It sounds incredibly stressful 🙁.

Original poster

Redletter123 · 15/05/2020 00:01

He living with the father still as he has my property so the police advised me to go back there due to my safety as he has threatened me but the police can’t prove it so fda dismisses the case last month I’m currently living with my grandparents until I get another place to live in so my son can live with me

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Notimeforaname · 15/05/2020 00:06

I can't understand why they would leave the child with him if he's been threatening. What is it you have done that means you can't have your son?

Is it just because you couldn't take your son to live in your grandparents house?

I agree with PP who advised to keep your pregnancy to yourself for now.

PulyaSochsup · 15/05/2020 00:06

In that case I think you need to find somewhere as soon as possible. You all need stability and you need to prove that you can cope well independently.

Notimeforaname · 15/05/2020 00:08

And if its your property, is there no way to get him out?
Odd the authorities would leave a threatening man, in YOUR property with a child and tell you to move.... Do you own or rent?

Original poster

Redletter123 · 15/05/2020 00:21

I have done nothing wrong he just denies me access because he not a very nice person and made lies against me with my lawyer caught him out a few I think because he made leave in November because he threatened me that I never see my son again unless I leave so went to my grandparents house and I been here since then but at first social services wasn’t that supportive with me because when he got arrested for rape the neighbor but they let him go as he and her say I made a complaint against them as I wanted to know where he is there my son was they are cooperating with me now but I’m worried if should tell them? About the pregnancy my son has been telling social services lots of positive things about me but due the situation with things with social involvement with my five year old son I’m worried that they see me as unfit because I don’t have a place yet as I don’t have a job yet because I be studying soon my next court date in June I have 4 more left to get proper access to my son it’s hard because when I was at the other place he used to beat us up and I had evidence but it wasn’t enough and my son did tell social a few times that he is scarred of him and daddy hits him but he also made lies against me saying I did as well

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Original poster

Redletter123 · 15/05/2020 00:24

We both on the tenancy at the other place it a council place currently now my son is recently telling me that his living with a new partner with her daughter and has moved but the council is currently looking into this they said if he moved then I can go back there with alarm for safety from the police and if he hasn’t moved my application would be put through to find some where else to live

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Wewearpinkonwednesdays · 15/05/2020 00:33

Sorry, you protected your son by leaving him with a violent man who hits him and used to hit you?
You told the police and social services that your ex was hitting you and your child, your son also told them and you had proof but they have let your ex keep your child and take you to court?

Notimeforaname · 15/05/2020 00:44

Sorry but I am struggling to make sense of this.

Original poster

Redletter123 · 15/05/2020 00:52

I am currently taking him to court to get custody of him I told the police everything but last month the fda dropped the case as he was denying it all and my pictures and videos wasn’t enough social services seems to be close to him as the first court case I had with him he kept mentioning how he has on his side why at before they was biased against me in the report and he keeps laughing at me in court in front of everyone my grandparents walked out crying last time so did I because I’m just trying to get proper access to my son I did my best to protect him was I was there by making him leave my son alone was he tried to beat him but i can’t seem to do much at the moment due the virus around but also he taking him out to train journeys to the beach for hours meeting with people has I got pictures I have told the social worker she is seeing him on Friday and writing it down in section 7 report as she did a report on him from his past as well him having anger issues with his mum , and killing animals before which I didn’t know that he used to kill hamsters and burnt cats at his mum that in his report he did used be my carer at the place because he wanted more money on my esa claim he does smoke drugs with his best friend he used to do outside the property even my aunt who been helping me with the case notice how close social and he are as 2 month ago my son had two bad bruises I reported it to them and she said they my son got it from a oven I said they would blister not bruise and then she said maybe he had his hands full

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Wewearpinkonwednesdays · 16/05/2020 12:40

Why can't you take your son to live with you?

DontStandSoCloseToMe · 16/05/2020 12:46

OP if you have learning disabilities do you have an advocate or adult social worker for you? If not I'd strongly advise you to get one. Mencap can be very helpful with that, please give them a call

TheTrollFairy · 16/05/2020 12:51

i protected my son against the father in the past

Leaving your child with a violent person is not protecting them. You left for your own safety and left your young child there who has no way of defending himself and no way of leaving.

ghostyslovesheets · 16/05/2020 12:57

I'm baffled - try getting this moved to legal

I can only pick up that you left your child with a violent rapist 7 months ago and are now homeless and pregnant

Thubten · 16/05/2020 13:10

@dontstandsoclosetome
Good advice

Thubten · 16/05/2020 13:12

Please cut the OP some slack, she has learning difficulties and is struggling to navigate this complex situation. Her ex sounds as though he is manipulating and taking advantage

RedHelenB · 16/05/2020 13:22

How severe are your learning difficulties and will the father of your baby be involved, live with you?

Original poster

Redletter123 · 16/05/2020 15:01

Hi my learning difficulties is mild I just mainly struggle with writing and talking as come as slight disoriented sometimes but I do understand things and I’m hoping In the future that my learning will improve when I study for all my courses he would not live with me as I’m living with my grandparents until I get another place to live in I’m sure he will be a involved with me still but no guarantee just as yet

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Original poster

Redletter123 · 16/05/2020 15:04

I do have a social worker at the moment due the current situation with how it’s was in the past so she helping me all my concerns about my son who over there with the ex partner

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Winterwoollies · 16/05/2020 15:09

Like others I’m muddled with this but it doesn’t sound very good at all. You sound vulnerable. Very vulnerable.

Am I right in thinking your partner was abusive to you and is abusive to your five year old, was arrested for rape of someone else but was let go, forced you out of the house and now has sole care of your small son? And you’re now living with your grandparents, pregnant with someone else’s child and only able to see your son three hours a week supervised?

This sounds like an almighty mess. You need an advocate to speak and write for you to make sure you are fairly represented and you also need excellent legal advice. I’m not sure this board is the right one, I fear you may get some extremely unhelpful responses.

Original poster

Redletter123 · 16/05/2020 15:21

Thank you for you response that pretty much the case at the moment I have more court next month to get better access to my son I will be given a help for court as well,so would he my ex due to his disability’s with reading and writing still waiting to get another place for my self and so my son can come round and stay I’m hoping I get full custody of my son they not a lot I can do to protect him apart from advice social worker now if they are any concerns if he tells me and my son school is keeping watch over him as well

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