AIBU to just give up ?

[Adventuresofthefamousfive]

I guess I’m posting here for traffic and for help.

Basically I’m at a point of just wanting to give up, get in the car and drive to somewhere, wherever, just away by myself.

Before lockdown, I was feeling good. I was running, eating well and generally happy. I’m a key worker part time so throughout I have gone to work two days a week, my DH is wfh and my 3 dcs are all home.

We are lucky that we are working, have a garden and can manage this situation but I have been struggling.

I’ve lost my zest for life. I don’t run, I’m eating my emotions, seriously pilling on weight.

I have bipolar, but it is very well managed with Lithium, but this feeling, this rabbit hole I’m in doesn’t feel like it’s anything to do with it. This is strange. I feel strange.

I want to get back outside, I NEED to lose the weight. I have such a low opinion of myself that being overweight makes me so unhappy, so it’s a catch 22, I eat, I’m sad, I promise myself tomorrow I’ll start again, I’m sad so I eat and so the cycle continues.

Please help me. Give me your inspiration. Help me free this rabbit hole.

I’m just in a slump and can’t get out and have an overwhelming urge to run away and hide from it all.

For info: my DH is incredibly supportive but I’ve been hiding this one. He went through so much last year with my bipolar that I can’t do it to him again. My DCs are 11,4 & 3 if that makes any difference. Although My 3 yr old DD has never slept through a single night yet

Thanks in advance

Just wanted to let you know you are not alone feeling like this. I’m in a similar position. And feeling incredibly selfish for feeling this way. I am working from home too, both of us key workers with 2 children. Started off ok but the routine has gone, and I’m really low. This has re triggered my binge eating and like you, I was doing so well. Every day I try to do it differently but a depression takes me over and I’m back at square one. Sorry I can’t offer words of wisdom; big hugs xx

Please don't give up!

I feel your pain. I can't make myself go for a run.

Tell you what, you go for a run tomorrow first thing tomorrow first thing. So will I.

It will be grim huffling our flabby thighs down the road. Still. I will do it if I know you will to and you'll expect to see me here telling you how awful it was.

TorkTorkBam, I can’t tomorrow. I know it sounds like a cop out but it’s my second day of work so I’ll be out early for that.

The idea that someone else will virtually run too makes me want to go.

Scabbyhorse - thank you. I keep telling myself tomorrow will be better.....

Bobbins2015 - thank you, it’s kind of a relief to know I’m not alone feeling like this. My head can make all the promises and motivational speeches whilst I’m lying here in bed having just got the kids to sleep, it’s not even 9pm and I’m just done in. I long to be sat in the garden with a brew or a large drink and listen to the birds, enjoy the little things etc but physically I have nothing. No willpower to get up. I feel like I’m broke.

You are not alone! - it will get better (I blooming hope so! - cannot go on much longer )

This post has hit home with me, since I see my wife struggle with this often. I hope you don't mind me sharing my second hand experience, but I thought I would share how we cope with it at home.

What helps in our house in these circumstances is to make up our minds to start off the day right with a healthy breakfast (we usually have a couple of easy go-to healthy breakfasts). In the evening you could plan what you want to eat for breakfast and possibly lunch as well.
Then when you get up the first day ALL you have to think about is eating a healthy breakfast and prepare your lunch. Take it step by step.

If you can go for a run - great, but don't force yourself if you don't have the energy the first couple of days. You want to set yourself up to succeed, not to fail by trying to change everything at once.
I know this can be difficult for someone with bipolar, since it often come with a very black and white thinking, making some want to do all or nothing, but it really is for the best to take it one step at a time.

If you have been eating like crap you will be feeling like crap and it is no wonder you don't have the energy or motivation to be active. This is absolutely a natural respons and not a failure on your part!
You need to get that energy back and that starts with what food you fuel your body with.

Now sometimes this is enough of a kickstarter to spill over to the rest of the day and will result in the effort of making a healthy dinner, sometimes it doesn't - and that's okay. One step at a time.
If not then repeat the next day getting a good start with a healthy breakfast and lunch.

What we find is that it will usually pick up pretty quickly and in a few days to a week we are usually back in the routine of living healthy and being active - but please don't be too hard on yourself, because it will only be counterproductive. Celebrate the fact that you managed a healthy breakfast and then lunch and slowly you will have changed your mindset, which is holding you back.

And lastly as a spouse of someone who sometimes goes through similar struggles - please share this with your husband. He is your partner and from the sounds of it a really good one - he wants to help you anyway he can!
You should tell him you are feeling low and need to get back into a healthy routine and that starts with proper sleep and food.
If you say this I am sure he would help anyway he can.
Could he possibly tend to the 3 year old at night for sometime? Sleep is so important to everyone of course, but particularly in your instance where it has started to go down hill.

I walked out the house the other day and just walked (I did leave the children with a capable adult!)

I had enough. Everything I do at the moment is for the house or the children. I cant do anything for myself and I feel like I am imploding, I'm on mat leave too so dont have my work to be me

I am now giving dh the baby in the evening so I can do puzzles or something else for myself for a hour.

What I would love is to be able to go for my haircut. It's an hour every 6 weeks I get to myself with a nice hot drink and no expectation to talk

You are not alone OP. People say that we survived through the war which is true but during the war you could be out with your community, still meet up for a cup of tea or talk to the shop keeper without worrying. We are all confined to our tiny bubbles and we may have chosen to be with the people we are married to or in a relationship but no one signed up to be with them 24/7

Try and go for a solo walk or run every day even for half hour just to get some fresh air and alone time

Go for a walk alone if you can't face a run. It's still good for you!

Do you get breaks at work? Could you use that time to do something for yourself?

Never ask yourself if you feel like going for a run. Just put on your kit and go . Tell yourself that if you are not enjoying it you can stop after 10 mins and come home.

Does music help you ? It doenst work for me so I use podcasts instead , usually from radio 4.

When I’m feeling anxious, music doesn’t block out the anxious thoughts. But the words do.