To demand help?

[onestepat]

Well maybe demand is a bit strong but ask for help.
I'm the sole carer for my gran who is nearly 99.
She broke her hip 3 weeks ago.
She's been at a rehab facility.
They are rushing to get her out.
She needs help with going to the toilet as she can't walk unaided.
Anyway ..
The guy from rehab visited today and I said I can no longer care alone with no other help.
He said the social worker will decide if they can give us any care assistants coming in.
I can't do this all alone 24/7
I don't live with her.
I'm terrified they will say as I'm her carer she doesn't need any more help.
Can I refuse her discharge if they don't give me a realistic care plan?

The guy said you can't do it without help, so I would guess that the decision is between sending her home with care assistants in place, or her having to stay in the rehab facility for longer. Hopefully the rehab place will refuse her discharge if the care plan is not in place.

Tell them you won't be available to care for her at all. Place it very much on their doorstep.

Then stand your ground. Refuse to let them discharge her into your care and you want a satisfactory care plan put in place first. You might have to be ruthless and cold.

Sorry it was meant to read
"I told the guy I couldn't do it without help"

It's a lot for me to do on my own.
And selfishly I want my own life.
These last three weeks I haven't known myself without the constant worry on my shoulders.

Are you her formal carer, ie do you receive Carers allowance?

No I'm not her formal carer.
I don't receive carers allowance.

It all basically just got left down to me.
It started off just popping in every day
Then doing shopping
Now it's everything
Washing /cooking /cleaning etc

At the moment there is a real drive to get people home. But there is also a relaxation of the usual assessments that usually take place around giving care packages to people. Also usually the maximum amount of carers is 4 calls per day max of two carers if the person needs the assistance of two people.
People are still alone for the whole night.
You could speak to the social worker and ask (if your relatives agrees)could she go to a nursing home for a period of time? Much safer fir her .
Physios and occupational therapists are doing rehab in the nursing homes at least where I work.

The rehab facility would be negligent if they sent her home without a package of care in place for .....BUT.......she may be waiting a long long time for this......

@whatsterribleending nobody has even mentioned to me other options.
I feel really pressured.
I feel if I say I can't cope they will think I'm lazy and just can't be bothered.
In a ideal world I would be so grateful for two calls a day.
One early morning to get her up and take her to the toilet and late at night to put her to bed and give her a drink.
I really hope they help

It's a safeguarding issue. She should not be discharged fro the rehab facility without a full assessment of her home and care package. If concerned still, call the GP and raise it as a safe guarding concern and say all you have here. It's not safe for her, or fair for you. Good luck

Of course they will pressure you, it will make thier job easier.
Who cares what they think- say you are now stepping back and will no longer be involved in her care. This isnt fair or sustainable for you long term. Is your gran herself willing to let you put your life on hold like this indefinitely??!
She sounds extremely vulnerable and would probably be safer in residential care, but as long as you run yourself ragged and plug the gaps they will let you. Think long term, think of your own mental health, think of your grans twenty four hour safety and step away.

When the social worker rings tomorrow I'm gonna have a word.
According to rehab the social worker visited today.
I'm assuming she will have assessed her and hopefully she will decide what is safe.
It's a worry isn't it.

I can only speak from my experience where I work .
You only need to be honest there won’t be any pressure on you - I think we all feel pressure from ourselves at times like these.
Is your gran confused or is she able to masked decision s for herself?
Sometimes the person who needs Carr reassures then social worker that a relative or friend can do far more than they can in reality.
You just need to contact your local council and ask to speak to adult social care to find out who her Sw is and be clear about what you are and are not able/ prepared to do. They will not make you do anything. But communication is key.
Sometimes as well the elderly person is concerned about costs of carers etc so best to think if any of this is a factor?
A short term placement might be good but often people insist on coming home
Good luck no need to get into a panic or fight they are there to help you both

@whatsterribleending no she has dementia.
A lot of the time she doesn't know where she is or who she is with.
They are telling me she is itching to get home but I find it hard to believe as when she's home ..she asks to go home.

You're her gd...where are your gran's children?

You need to speak to her social worker about this. If they don't know, they can't help. They're there to help you as well as your gran

The social worker needs to be carrying out an assessment of need for your gran and consider whether she is able to manage in her own home. The SW should be talking to you, or other family member who may be providing care, to see exactly what you are able to (or willing to) provide. There should be NO expectation that you will provide any support. Often people do say that their family members will provide care, but the SW should check this out with the person/people concerned to see if this is actually going to happen. Please do not feel guilty or care what anyone thinks. Social workers and other workers in rehab don't have time to judge family members - they are under pressure to get people out of hospital/rehab as soon as possible, so if family are offering support, they will go with that but only if it meets the person's needs. However, they have a duty of care to ensure that people are discharged home safely and this may mean waiting until a suitable package of care is available. Some local authorities have a transition service where a person is transferred from a rehab facility with care and rehab following the person into their own home until they regain their baseline. There is also Covid-19 funding in place, where health are funding some care home places and homecare if it is needed to free up, or prevent admission to, hospital beds in the short term. This is something you can ask the social worker about. If the social worker does not contact you, please be proactive and ensure that the rehab facility provides the name and number of the social worker to you, and gives him/her your contact details.
Your gran may have to contribute to the cost of care, if it is not funded by health. However, this is means-tested, so she may not have to pay it all depending on her financial circumstances. For homecare they will not take the value of her home into account. Please make sure your gran is claiming Attendance Allowance as it sounds like she should be eligible for this and it is to help people to pay for their care.
Contact your local Age UK for independent help and advice on this matter as they are used to talking to people in clear language and should be able to help you through the process.

Maybe have a chat to these people for some advice on your and her rights: www.carersuk.org/

NB not saying you have to become her carer! Just seems a relevant organisation to chat to.

You need to be really firm, really really firm. Simply state you will not be caring for her at all, just say you have other commitments.
Every time they push, throw the ball back in their court. If she has to stay in rehab for a while longer then that can't be a bad thing.
Ultimately you can then privately do as much as you want and are able to do, but spend time visiting and doing extras rather than 'caring'.
If for what ever reason you do end up as a carer though please ensure you are getting the appropriate allowances.
Please don't take this the wrong way but are there any real benefits to her living in her own home? My grandma is in a lovely nursing home and is very happy, it was supposed to be for a couple of moths respite but she ended up liking it so much, she ate more, interacted more and made lots of friends so chose to stay. We all felt a bit guilty at first but after we saw how well cared for she was we are happy too.

What happened? Is all ok?