New separation,communication woes!

[saffy1234]

So some of you will recognise me as I'm going through a tough time at the moment ,separation and a health diagnosis but I just needed some perspective.Ive found MN quite the support network.
I'm trying to do the right thing with DH and be civil/not nasty as I don't need the aggro at the moment.He has moved into a rental place after 4 weeks ago telling me he 'was miserable' and 'feeling like life was a chore' and he eventually walked out on my birthday.
Last night was the first pick up and drop off of our 3C
Pick up went well he asked if I was ok,then commented that I looked a bit orange ,which I just ignored,but drop off went disastrously wrong

He asked to come in and sat with my my dd and his sdd who is missing him terribly and I said oh hello how’s the house ,He said yeah and DS said ‘daddy’s new house is good ‘ I said good for him that's nice.He said yeah it’s cost me this much blah blah I said well as long as your happy he said it’s strange I said oh well you should be happy and he went fucking SPARE and stormed out.
He then sent me various messages about bombarding him with questions etc and if I carry on he won't come in again ,for the record I never invited him in,he'd previously suggested he wanted to.
What the hell was that all about,it seemed to the be the 'you should be happy' comment that he blew up at the other things were met with friendly answers.
What shall I do from now on?Was I BU for asking him that?
For clarity too he doesn't know about my recent diagnosis I'm awaiting a treatment plan after more tests before I consider telling him.

Anybody?!?

Yes. You shouldn’t tell him how to feel and should apologise about invalidating his feeling . If I remember your other post though I would tell him about the health thing maybe being an issue just so he knows and has context.

I think he was looking for sympathy or for you to see how 'hard' it is for him - ie, poor him. I haven't read your previous threads so I don't know the background though.

I see your point @LouiseTrees but it was his choice but I understand what you are saying.

Maybe @Thesheerrelief he confuses me he like a different person to the man I married

saffy1234 Do not let him in, all future hand overs should be done from the front door.

Hand overs at the door only. Do not waste time making small talk. He isn't your friend...
Stay strong.

Thankyou @Windyatthebeach yes I know that.No idea why the statement 'you should be happy' made him so angry

Thankyou @GoingP0tty

I don't know the background but 'you should be happy' sounds like a bit of a dig, almost you made your bed now lie in it. In the longer term you might be able to make small talk and pop in for coffee at hand over but it sounds like it's far too soon and too raw for everyone, of the children are old enough you both stay in the car at drop off, if not on the doorstep

I am not one for faking a friendship with an ex for the dc's sake. Dc should know its OK to not like someone and not have to be their friend!

Do you know what @DontStandSoCloseToMe it probably did because I asked 'are you happy' and he shrugged and said 'it's strange' and then I said you should be happy so I see your point

I'd ignore him. Just reply 'I did t mean to offend but I'm not going to engage further. The kids had a lovely time. I will have then ready for x time for the next visit.'

Well I tried that @Whatsername177 on yesterday's pick up for the weekend and he still started an argument with me
I came out of the car after strapping ds in his car seat and he started shouting what’s that face for what the fuck are you doing that face for.

I said I’m not.he said yeah you are.About something you think you’ve seen in the back of the car.Like you want to ask me something
I said no i wasn’t I was thinking how realistic that plant is.He said yep that’s it then!
I don't understand all this rage,HE left us

Do you think your children are safe with him?

Yes to be honest it hasn't crossed my mind that he wouldn't be @Whatsername177

I think you need to get some professional advice. There have been too many cases where men have hurt their children to hurt their ex. Normally, I'd suggest you just refuse to engage -
'What's that face for?'
'Right, he is all buckled in I will see you all later. Have a lovely time'
'I saw you pull a face'
'I'm not arguing, I want you to all have a nice time, see you later'.

But, the thing that jumps out to me here is he is looking for a fight. I'd worry that he would up ante if you refused to engage. I think you might be best to contact a professional organisation who can help you mediate. I know relate provide a 'amicable separation' type service. He will need to engage though.

I hear you @Whatsername177
What I can't get my head around is him acting this way or trying to hurt me when he was the one who left me.I didn't want him to and asked him not to.
I have suggested counselling etc and relate but he will not engage at all.
What a mess.
I still can't believe this is happening to be honest it's a massive shock for me and everyone who knows us