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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Does he like me?

64 replies

Magicra84 · 13/05/2020 12:15

I work with a lovely man. He's kind, considerate and I have started to look at him in a different way than just friends. We socialise with other colleagues outside of work.

This man is quiet and tends to keep himself to himself in work and outside of work apart from the odd social event, but we have developed this close friendship.

We haven't seen each other for two months now due to lockdown but he texts me daily, multiple times a day, usually led by him just sometimes asking me things he definitely knows the answer to but he pretends he doesn't, and I know he doesn't text other colleagues including those he directly manages and is also close to. We've only been working together for six months and as I say, he keeps himself to himself, he's quiet but when we're together we come alive and we laugh so much!

Just before lockdown he asked to take me out to an event and he said he would take me for a nice dinner out too, both of which were cancelled. When I asked if we should invite other colleagues who are friends of us both he laughed and said, no way, it's our date night!

Also during lockdown we have been doing lots and lots of conference calls for work but he's never been on the same one as me as we manage different depts. This was until this morning when we were on the same conference call and we had a moan about it afterwards by text and he said that it was really nice seeing me on video link after so long.

He has also mentioned about the two of us going for a walk in a park now restrictions are lifted.

He's generally such a good support but some of his actions make me think he might like me in a romantic fashion. I would be really keen to pursue things slowly if so, but I don't want to embarrass myself by imagining he likes me.

So aibu to think there's a tiny chance he may fancy me? I feel like a teenager writing that!

In his presence, he doesn't give much away, but I feel this chemistry. I can't explain it.

OP posts:
Dieu · 13/05/2020 16:37

It does sound like he likes you. Either that or he is leading you on big time.

I'd still be running a mile if I were you though, OP. Sorry. I wouldn't want to be the guinea pig in his experiment, and can only imagine the hurt that would lay ahead.

Magicra84 · 13/05/2020 16:42

Hes not out to hurt me. He's not that kind of man, he really isn't.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 13/05/2020 16:48

Has he ever been with a woman op? Had a relationship with a woman? Is he saying he’d like a relationship with a woman?

I’d be concerned his preference is ultimately men and you will get you heart broken, it seems he was in very long term homosexual relationship. Tread carefully here, in case he is seeing something else Ie friendship or just maybe he is just experimenting. .

Magicra84 · 13/05/2020 18:14

He's never been with a woman only men.

OP posts:
zscaler · 13/05/2020 18:40

Sorry. I wouldn't want to be the guinea pig in his experiment

Being bisexual is not an experiment FFS.

Magicra84 · 13/05/2020 21:08

Hes bisexual. He's not the devil incarnate. He's really not the type to cheat. He's been cheated on and said he'd never put someone through that.

OP posts:
Dieu · 13/05/2020 21:37

@zscaler

Well, sorry, but given that he has never actually been with a woman - and is now in his 40s - for him it is very much an experiment.

Different for a bisexual person who has already had experience of both sexes.

OP, I'm not saying that he would ever set out to hurt you, but I think you would need to prepare yourself for that possibility.

Magicra84 · 14/05/2020 09:22

I'm sure it'll be ok and he has my best interests at heart.

OP posts:
BlueSuffragette · 14/05/2020 09:38

Follow you heart OP. Be true to yourself. Be honest with each other. Life is too short for wondering what if....Hope it works out, you sound smitten. Keep up updated Good luck.Flowers

CassidyStone · 14/05/2020 10:00

Ask him what his plans are for your relationship. If you're just an experiment, to see if a woman works for him, then don't be that woman unless you can cope with feeling used.

Crystal87 · 14/05/2020 10:18

I would have said yes until the update but I don't really see how he can go from only being with men to being interested sexually in a woman, especially if he got to in his 40s without being with a woman. So I'm sorry to say I think you would be an experiment, but more likely he is just your friend and is pretend flirting with you and doesn't realise that you've taken it seriously.

Bluntness100 · 14/05/2020 10:31

I’m not sure op, I think the initial post was written in a way so folks told you he fancied you because that’s what you wished to hear.

You say he is bisexual but a man in his forties who has only ever been with men is potentially gay or more gay than bi . Anything else can only be an experiment. This is why people’s opinions have changed. He may find it’s not for him.

Saying it was a date could have been more a joke from his perspective, a joke between two friends, because for him it clearly wasn’t . Wanting to go for a walk with you, he may just wish to be friends with you.

Has he done anything to actually show he is sexually attracted to you? Does he eye you up and down, look at your mouth, stare into your eyes, you know the stuff I mean.

There is a very strong potential here that you’re making this something that he isn’t.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not impossible, but on the balance of probabilities it is unlikely he has went from being exclusively with men till this age and now wishes to be with a woman.

keepingbees · 14/05/2020 10:51

Are you sure you're not a mid life crisis/later in life wish to experience a woman?
It all sounded positive first of all, but his circumstances are a little odd. If he was bisexual why has he never been with a woman, I know you said he's been tied up with one long relationship, but why not casually in his youth of nothing else?
What if he realises women aren't for him? There's potential for future hurt here on your part, not to mention ruining your work life if it all goes wrong. Sorry if that's not what you want to hear.

SerenDippitty · 14/05/2020 10:58

Are you sure you're not a mid life crisis/later in life wish to experience a woman?

Or have children maybe before it’s too late? If you want children and would be happy with that fair enough.

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