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AIBU?

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Original poster

I need a little perspective...

12 replies

Iwantmynameback · 13/05/2020 09:51

First time posting for me...this might be a bit muddled
My DH has a friendship with a woman whom he used to work with, she left for a new job recently. He mentioned her on and off when they were in the same company. Not much since she moved on. I was on his phone last night and noticed that they have been texting nothing to serious just general chit chat....he mentioned in last text that maybe they could mt for Lunch/walk soon. She has said ok. A member of his family is very sick at the moment so texts have been mainly about this person.
My question is why isnt this sitting right with me.....im feeling jealous and unsettled about her Why???. Currently im at home with kids due to virus every thing i knew came to a stop 2mths ago....and in some ways his is still the same. I have never had any reason or doubt to think he would do anything but at the minute i have a nervous feeling in my belly.

OP posts:
ConnieDoodle · 13/05/2020 09:53

Because he is hiding it.
When he goes for a walk, send a child too

FirmlyRooted · 13/05/2020 09:59

I don't know, it could be innocent in the sense that your DH has no intention of sleeping with this woman. But he probably knows that it would make you uncomfortable and would cause arguments.

I've been through this, have a good make friend that I dont usually tell my DH about chatting to because I know he doesn't understand it and suspects it's dodgy. Which then in turn causes no end if drama. I can't change my DH from thinking that every man I'm friends with wants to sleep with me but I'm not willing to give up my friendships so I don't mention it.

DontStandSoCloseToMe · 13/05/2020 10:02

I don't tell my DH about every text conversation I have. I've been texting my best male friend talking about meeting up for a coffee after this is over without DC and spouses. Am I not entitled to want a short break from people I've been locked down with since March 13th , or is it because I won't be able to resist the fact he has different genitalia to me?

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 13/05/2020 10:07

Well I suppose people can meet outside the home for walks. Does he tell you about male colleagues he meets up with outside or work?

The crux of it would be if, on the day he meets her, he lies about where he is going and who he is seeing.

Original poster
Iwantmynameback · 13/05/2020 10:16

Thank you for the replies, no option to send a child with him, we live in a small town he works in the city as does she. So it wouldn't be a meet up near here. I think thats exactly it he is hiding it. He has male friends with whom he mts up with prior to lockdown and he would i suppose be more upfront about telling me things about their lives. Just for context she is seperated with kids of her own. I know its perfectly normal to have male/female friends....its just this feeling. Hard to describe...

OP posts:
FirmlyRooted · 13/05/2020 12:38

Trust your instincts, it may or may not be innocent. Can you talk to him about it?

heartsonacake · 13/05/2020 12:42

Why were you on his phone?

dontdisturbmenow · 13/05/2020 13:07

Maybe your feeling is based in signs you haven't fully identified or maybe you're paranoid and about to mess up your marriage with accusations and suspicions that are unfunded.

So far, alone, there is nothing odd at all with the situation and no, it is a given that he would tell you that they texted and made very vague plans about meeting up for lunch, maybe, sometimes in the unknown future.

Original poster
Iwantmynameback · 13/05/2020 13:08

I was on his phone because my phone had died and he showed me a msg that had been sent on family chat. As i was clicking out i saw her msg and curiosity got the better of me and i read it.....bad i know....i have never snopped on his phone before and dont want to become that person. Yes i could talk to him...things with the sick family member up in the air so really dont want to add more. I would always say to someone to trust your gut maybe thats what i need to do....and hold off saying anything for awhile....

OP posts:
heartsonacake · 13/05/2020 13:26

Then if he gave you his phone sounds like he has nothing to hide Confused

alwayslearning789 · 13/05/2020 13:33

These are different times and therefore there is a heightened sense of loneliness, especially when you are on your own without support.

The question is...is she leaning on your husband for support at this time?...and what does that actually mean both for your husband and for her?

I'd speak to your husband about nipping this in the bid before emotions go too far.

It may be innocent now but could soon escalate if left unchecked.

alwayslearning789 · 13/05/2020 13:36

Typo apologies.... nipping this in the bud I meant

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