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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

NC Pils trying to get back in contact through DB

9 replies

DAN8R · 12/05/2020 18:57

My DW recently went NC with her parents for a whole range of reasons going back some time but also including how they treat us as a couple.

Her mother keeps trying to initiate contact so we have had to stop answering the phone and block all social media.

Since we've done this her father has actively sought out my DB as a way of trying to make contact. DB was mostly bemused because he knows we are NC but I dont think it was fair to use him in this and want to nip it in the bud.

DW is upset and worried about that this shows they won't give up. But she says her parents won't see anything wrong with what he's done now and while they tell themselves we've got no right to tell them who to talk to it will undermine the rest of our concerns.

AIBU to think that it is a form of manipulation since it was out of the ordinary and a way of popping up on our radar when they've been blocked? I just want them to back off.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 12/05/2020 19:04

You have the right to tell your brother that you don't want to hear anything your PIL have to say, but he is the one who has to decide if he wants to listen to them in the first place. If he wants to block them it's easy enough. I would encourage him to do so.

DAN8R · 12/05/2020 19:24

Apologies I just read back what I wrote in light of the idea of DB blocking them.

When I say sought DB out I mean physically. He was walking to the corner shop and FIL came out of his house and called to him and caught up with him.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 12/05/2020 19:27

Again, it's up to your brother if he chooses to stop and listen. He can very easily keep walking and ignore them.

pointythings · 12/05/2020 19:30

If I were your brother I would tell your PIL 'sorry, I'm Switzerland' and walk away.

TorkTorkBam · 12/05/2020 19:34

Next time keep it to yourself. They are trying to pressure your wife. She is NC with them which means you don't create "contact " by telling her about their latest fiendish plans.

DAN8R · 12/05/2020 19:37

I would have hoped he'd walk away as he didn't want to speak. But he said he felt awkward doing so and it sounds like he deferred to FIL to be polite. They effectively had to carry on together in the direction he was going because of FIL's decision to do so.

I feel like he was deliberately put on the spot because FIL knew it would look like an overreaction or rude to ignore him for apparently no reason.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 12/05/2020 19:49

Remind your brother that it's not rude to tell someone you're not going to participate in harassing your family.

Fanthorpe · 12/05/2020 19:59

It’s a common tactic, unfortunately. Loads of advice available on the Stately Homes threads on the Relationships board.

TorkTorkBam · 12/05/2020 22:12

FIL will stop if it doesn't get him what he wants.

Advise DB to be a boring grey rock. Vague non committal noises, so boring so very boring.

What did FIL say to DB?

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