What is the come back to...

[Swan2019]

‘I pay all the bills’ ...?

Husband is working from home. High stress, high paid job. Working normal office hours.

I am taking care of our three very young children (youngest 6 months). High stress. stat mat pay. No break for the past eight weeks.

Whenever we have an argument about him ‘helping me’ with the children (who are also HIS children...) all I get back is ‘I pay all the bills!’ As in, that’s his job and the children are my job. He never asks me for help with paying a gas bill, so why should I ask him for help putting the children to bed.
It’s driving me crazy.
There must be a better comeback than ‘you’re a dick!’ Or AIBU? Should I not be asking or expecting him to help me?

Thoughts?!

Well, the cone back was due after the first child, when he wanted a second: no fucking way as I’ve discovered you don’t contribute.

Hire in extra help to help you or divorce?

the thing is he should want to help you, because he can see you are tired and wants to make your life easier. He should also want to spend time with his children. Anything less is just not good enough in my opinion (which is perhaps why I am a single parent )
But in honesty, he sounds like he doesnt exactly enrich your life, I would be questioning whether this was enough for me.

The comeback is an itemised bill for 24 hour nannies, a cook, and a maid full time. Look at the local rates and then bloody show him how much you 'earn!

LTB

Selfish arsehole.

Bloody idiot, they’re his kids as well

Work out how much it would cost him to hire a professional Nanny 24/ 7, plus a cook / cleaner/ housekeeper and personal shopper etc.Then invoice him.
But Toogoodtobetrue has the best reply.👍🏼

What's the relationship like in general, OP?

I think it depends what help with the children you are asking him for. For the duration of his working day you shouldn't be asking him to help. For those 8 hours he is at 'work' and your 'job' is too look after the children.

However after those 8 hours (or however long his working day is) the time and help should be split equally. You should either both be tending to the children or taking it ik turns so that you have equal 'time off'.

I hate the notion on MN that SAHP's should hand the child to the working parent the minute they get home and go off and have some 'me time'. You have both been working all day so no one is more deserving of a break than the other and the burden should be shared.

The comeback is "Marriage is an equal, loving partnership, not a technical employer/employee contract. Money is not the only important contribution either of us makes and on its own it's not enough!"

Then tell him how you see things working fairly and lovingly.