Am I a control freak or going bat shit crazy in lockdown ?

[IThinkImBSCrazy]

DH & myself get a long well. The only thing that’s driving me crazy is him being messy.

So please tell me am I controlling or just going crazy.

Here is a list of things he does that I can’t stand,

Pulls the curtains over the back of the sofa instead of tucking them behind when closing them

When feeding the baby, he never puts the top back on the bottle so always hunting for bottle tops

Constantly moves the sofa cushions & never puts them back neatly

When he’s finished with a plate etc. Leaves it on the side for hours rather than putting it in the dishwasher

I’m getting so angry with his messiness. He’s always been messy but as we are in the house 6/7 days I’m ready to batter him

I sympathise OP as this is the kind of thing that drives me mad too.

It's really minor in the grand scheme of things but I think at the moment I focus on it as I'm off work with nothing else to do!

Pick your battles!

Also have you actually been diagnosed with OCD? If so, you can seek some help for ways of managing it so you can get some perspective on what is you being peeved because you like things neat and what is you being disproportionately angry or anxious due to OCD.

@BackseatCookers no never been diagnosed but I’m pretty sure I do. I like things to be in a certain place, to look a certain way. If things are messy it makes me anxious. I’ve improved a lot though. I know it’s not normal or healthy but I think lockdown has set me back

Actually, I’m with you OP and those things would irritate me so I can understand how it makes you feel. I like a tidy house, it upsets me when things aren’t just so and why leave plates/cups lying about when they can go straight into the dishwasher!

I'll stop ;-)
Ok comparison he's not that bad though 😉

@IThinkImBSCrazy .... you realise if a woman posted this about her DH she'd be told he was controlling. I'm wfh in the kitchen and as I look around there is stuff (cups/plates/jam) on the counters and odds and ends that Dh removed from cupboards on Sunday to put in the attic, but still haven't been moved. What is the point is stressing about this stuff? It really is that stuff that makes your life more miserable imo because you are constantly working to keep everything perfect, but that's not life and living in a show home is uncomfortable.

Seriously!?
Your very lucky if that's it, Jesus 🙄

Read this: mustbethistalltoride.com/2016/01/14/she-divorced-me-because-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink/

I like that link, it's really worth a read.

Not incredibly messy, just normal messy. It's so difficult living with a messy person, if you are very controlled

It must be awful to live with someone who wants to rip into the person they love because they're mildly untidy.

Your OH and mine could be brothers. I'm not even going to start a rant about how untidy he is because it will just anger me. But I feel your pain.

@ChewChewIsMySpiritAnimal I e never said I rip him apart. I don’t know where your getting this from

I'm a bit like you. Like clean and tidy, dont do mess. My stbexh, was just lazy so wasnt a great combination, but definitely pick your battles.

I realised that because I like clean and tidy doesn't mean everyone has to, so if I want something a certain way and the other person isnt bothered either way I do it. Although I've never and will never understand the leaving cups/plates on top of the dishwasher and not IN it, makes no bloody sense

bat shit crazy in lockdown most likely
large glass of wine a good remedy

sorry OP, that's control freakery.
How does he feel if you do things 'wrong' - does he even notice?
He can teach you some great things about tolerance.

@yeOldeTrout I think with every couple, you find things that irritate each other. He points out things that bother him such as,

I have really long hair, it malts everywhere so now I only brush my hair in the bathroom. But it’s all little things. We like to have an open communication system so things don’t build up.

I’m with you OP - cushions from the sofa all over the floor, pens and paper everywhere. The island constantly smeared. Shoes and jumpers just left. Plates above the dishwasher. I’ve got 2 kids and a husband who I adore but I’m also ready to leave home 😆

Glad to hear you're worked it out... but you started thread, so maybe not comfortably worked out (?)

@yeOldeTrout I think sometimes it’s just nice to know others feel the same. He has many many qualities. This thread has highlighted the fact that whilst he has traits that drive me mad, he’s good in other ways. I’ve tried to keep it lighthearted

I feel that as part of a desensitization process you should come and live at my house. I offer kill or cure therapy with a shonky track record.

My dh leaves his plate above the dishwasher and it drives me nuts. However, he does so many good things that honest to god, I just decided to let it go (along with the other irritating habits, I’m sure I also do loads to annoy him!) This week, he’s cleared the shed, fixed the wobbly floorboards, found and repaired the fault with the extractor and did the main shop, all while working full time out of the house.

Whenever you get pissed off, OP, list all the good things he’s done/does all the time.

Not RTFT so apologies if someone has already asked this but have you told him how annoying it is when he does these things? If you have and he still does it the YANBU. If not then maybe tell him and give him chance to sort it out.

@Fishfingersandwichplease yes I e told him it bothers me, if I ask him to correct whatever is it, he does! But I have to ask him everytime or do it myself. He’s not a bad person just messy

Lockdown is a strange time and we’re all cooped up which means that we notice things more than otherwise.
Being driven mad by things like your curtains not hanging the way you’d prefer them to be sounds like you’re meticulous rather than having OCD , which needs to be diagnosed and treated with therapy. OCD is a likely life altering condition.