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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think partner is cheating/has cheated...

22 replies

chelsiekxoxo · 12/05/2020 15:34

My partner I’ve noticed is very sneaky with his phone, this has became a lot more apparent during lockdown.. I am generally not a jealous person, I don’t think I’ve looked on his phone for around 3 years (5 years together). A couple of weeks ago my phone died and I needed to call my mum back and my phone was charging. He was very reluctant and wasn’t too happy with giving me it. I rang her and he cut it very short he said he was talking to work mates, I gave him his phone back. Over the past couple of weeks since this I’ve felt something is off, he hid his friends list on Facebook from me (he didn’t have this private before). Thinking I was just being paranoid I left it. He was never this secretive before lockdown. Anyway a few days ago I couldn’t stop thinking he was hiding something so I tried to get on to his Facebook. He knows my password and I am meant to know his, but he had changed it. He’d also changed Instagram and his email password (they were all the same) obviously I wasn’t going to jump to any conclusions as someone could’ve hacked his accounts previously (I know not likely!). He came back off his night shift and I couldn’t help but go on his phone. I discovered he’s been adding a lot of girls on Facebook and liking all of there pictures, one of which a girl who has previously sent him dirty pics of herself before we were together. He sent the woman who took his virginity a friend request too, This was over 7 years ago and he sent it a few months ago... now in my relationships I believe unless you have kids previously then there is no need to contact an ex or someone you’ve previously slept with. I then went into his pictures and found several videos of women touching themselves etc. I know men watch porn , I’m not 100% happy with it but The fact he’s downloaded these videos to his photo albums where pictures of our 3 kids are upsets me. Anyway I confronted him and he deleted the girl who sent him dirty pictures previously and he said he didn’t have her on anything else, she used to live right next to him and had she been a little bit older (she’s about 2 years younger than us) all of his friends/him would’ve slept with her. He said the reason he added her was for extra likes on his pictures, he uploads maybe every 4 months? I asked about his the woman who took his virginity and why he added her he said he couldn’t remember/it wasn’t him. He has added a total of 500 girls in the past few months. I then checked his Instagram the day after and he has the girl who sent the pics on there (he searched for her) and was liking her pictures. He told me he didn’t have her on anything else, clearly he lied. In the past he has stayed out all night from being on a night and back in December time I remember he did just that, apparently with a friend. On his search history he searched for a girl purely to block her... I feel I’m going insane, he’s lying saying he doesn’t remember downloading the porn or adding all these girls.. I’ve always trusted him in the pay and never thought I’d question him but thinking about it he can’t go out now in lockdown and all of a sudden starts pursuing other women?

OP posts:
OurChristmasMiracle · 12/05/2020 15:38

I would say whatever he is doing he is lying and hiding things from you and that would be enough for me to reconsider my relationship with someone.

trellishead · 12/05/2020 15:39

He's a dirty dawg.

conduitoffortune · 12/05/2020 15:41

He sounds like a scummy fuckboy. 500 women added in a few weeks!?

minmooch · 12/05/2020 15:43

Trust your instincts.

500 women in a few weeks? What is he, a teenager? It's not right and you know it, do not let him minimise this.

LockdownMayhem · 12/05/2020 15:43

I'm confused, how did you manage to get into his Instagram and FB accounts if he's changed the passwords?

Either way though, it sounds like even if he's not cheating outright, he doesn't have too much respect for you. Adding 500 girls in the last few months isn't normal behaviour.

HollowTalk · 12/05/2020 15:45

I always think men like that are real creeps - 500 women, ffs! That's a playing-by-numbers game - he's hoping someone will be interested. Though it does sound as though 499 weren't, which tells you something!

chelsiekxoxo · 12/05/2020 15:45

I made him tell me his new passwords, I said if you have nothing to hide why not tell me? I guess he had no choice.

He’s certainly acting like a teenager recently. He has already tried to minimise it, ‘it’s only adding on Facebook’ ‘it’s only a like’ etc also said I’m a psycho!

OP posts:
Nymeriastark1 · 12/05/2020 15:46

He sounds gross. Sorry op but I would get rid.

chelsiekxoxo · 12/05/2020 15:47

Exactly what I’ve said to him, defiantly trying to rekindle some old flames it seems by adding his ex, pretty sure he’s slept with a lot of the girls on his list in past too

OP posts:
chelsiekxoxo · 12/05/2020 15:47

I’m still deciding what to do, we are barley talking and I’m being very distant

OP posts:
chelsiekxoxo · 12/05/2020 15:53

I think I feel horrible about myself now, had my baby 7 weeks ago and have piled on the pounds and just feel gross in general... seeing these things definitely has sparked my insecurities

OP posts:
quarantinevibes · 12/05/2020 15:53

500 women in a few weeks? He’s a bit desperate isn’t he. Everyone and anyone will do Shock! Wow you are a lot calmer than I’d be. Bags would be on the door step the night I went through that phone.

chelsiekxoxo · 12/05/2020 15:54

quarantinevibes- they’re packed ready now! I’ve told him i need space, he’s said that he doesn’t have anywhere else to go right now...

OP posts:
LockdownMayhem · 12/05/2020 16:05

Hmm, if it's 'only a like' then he really doesn't need to be adding all these women to get extra likes.

It sounds a bit desperate to be honest and if the fact that it is upsetting you doesn't make him at least question his actions, then it doesn't sound like it's a mutually respectful relationship.

Lifeisconfusing · 12/05/2020 16:10

You’ve just had a baby ??? That’s terrible if him

Lifeisconfusing · 12/05/2020 16:11

He knows your vulnerable Angry

Washyourhandsyoufilthyanimal · 12/05/2020 16:13

Yes it sounds very dodgey.

bluebeck · 12/05/2020 16:15

Bin him.

TheGirlWithAPrince · 12/05/2020 16:35

Definitely get rid of the trash the longer you let it stay the worse it rots.

FizzyGreenWater · 12/05/2020 17:09

Sleaze.

minmooch · 12/05/2020 17:26

I'm so sorry - all this shit and you've just had a baby with him. Disgusting actions from a total sleaze bag.

He's stepped over a line that I would not forgive. You and your baby deserve much better.

You are within your rights to ask him to leave. It is his problem to find somewhere else to stay. He should have thought of the implications of his actions and the total disrespect to you.

PrettyTricky · 12/05/2020 17:50

He was getting away with it before lockdown, that's all that's changed. Clearly he's a dirty sleazeball. I never say LTB on here, but I absolutely would. I'd also be having an STI test, if that's his online activities, I imagine he'd not think twice about cheating.
What an absolute arsehole. I would have no hesitation in binning him. Yuk.

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