Crippling anxiety about daughter going back to nursery

[Cuntycovid]

Awake at this time again because cant sleep.I was already a nervous wreck when DD (13 months) started nursery , I had major separation anxiety and spent of the time she was in nursery in tears , I slowly got used to her going and after 5/6 weeks attendance my anxiety reduced

I now cannot shake the feeling or worry that it is completely unsafe for DD to return, DH is currently furlough but it's now highly likley he is going back to work next week , I work 3 days per week , one day DH is home but the other two he isnt and with both working she will have to go nursery , i feel sick to my stomache keep thinking she is going to become unwell and catch this bastard virus , feeling like this every day now I'm so tired my face hurts , my eyes are red and

Of course you are not being unreasonable op

Many parents will feel like this

Hi op I feel you. I'm going back to work in a couple of weeks, my DD is 12 months, I'm absolutely dreading it.

It sounds awful. Is the difference between your 3 days and the cost of nursery worth it?

@avroroad I cant reduce my hours at all because of the nature of my job its direct client work with vulnerable groups that need some continuity
Dh job is a nightmare at the best of times , his boss is a law to himself so no chance of DH reducing his days , we couldn't manage just off DH wage and I'd be walking away from a career iv had over 10 years , I really dont know what to do about it , its consuming my every waking thought I'm sick of feeling like this

@Llamapolice
It's awful isnt it
I just can be at peace at all knowing my DD I'd gonna be mixing with loads of other children

Would you consider a childminder instead, so she doesn't come into contact with as many people. Maybe ask your husband to have her the day he is home and send her to a childminder the other two days. X

@copperoliver its just two days struggling for goes without saying DH (DD father ) will look after her the one day I work and he doesn't
I might look into.a.childminder I dont know any childminders though so would need to ask around,

Must be fantastic to.be rich and not have these worries

I had major separation anxiety and spent of the time she was in nursery in tears

You felt this way before CV19. I'd take this into consideration, though.
If you hadn't peace then, might you need some support now?

Not rich. Just older kids. If you are feeling consumed and sick, please call someone?

@DamnYankee yeah it wasnt easy letting her go but I did start to feel better after a few weeks about it

It might take you a bit of time again but you'll get used to it. You know the risk of her getting seriously ill is very, very small.

@Cuntycovid
Good. Just be patient with yourself. I'm sure your daughter's teachers are trying to be extra cognizant of parents' worries. Every parent will be worried about mixing.

My two never stopped going to nursery. It's on a hospital site with lots of children of hospital workers. None of the children have caught it as far as I know, I would think they would have announced it if there was a case. It's all very low risk.

I might look into.a.childminder I dont know any childminders though so would need to ask around,
The council will have a list. The risk of catchiness the virus at nursery is tiny, though.

It is very unliely that she would get very unwell even if she did catch it. Unless she has health conditions?

I think the fact that you had such a significant overreaction the first time she went means this isn't really about Covid-19 and is much more about you and your inherent levels of anxiety.

Have you spoken to your HV or GP? Do you think you might benefit from some additional support? Both CBT and SSRIs can do wonders for anxiety.

@Cuntycovid Do you know if the nursery will offer any kind of settling in period again? Something that worries me is I've heard most places won't do this atm to reduce contacts, I'm really struggling with the idea I might just have to leave her

Round me childminders are now in huge demand because lots of people don't want to send their children to nursery and many childminders are closed too. I'm considering a nanny but it would just be short term as it costs most of my salary.

Young children are very resistant to the virus, if they had it you might not even notice. As a paramedic in a major city I've not heard from any of my colleagues anyone going to a child who is actually unwell with the virus/needing any treatment.

Another way to look at it is that if you're out in a client facing role then going home to your child then your child is effectively out there with you meeting all those people you do, they are being exposed to every person you've met - if any one of them had the virus you would likely catch it and bring it back to the household. Going to nursery will likely not be a meaningful change in her level of risk.

I say this as someone who wears level 2 or 3 PPE through the day who still caught corona virus and brought it home infecting my children aged 5months to 4 years (all fine, slight rash and very occasional cough was all they had).