To ask if you ever feel like you've failed as a parent

[okycoky17]

I just feel like a crap mother. I have two boys - the little one is 17 months (nearly 18 months old) and the bigger one will be 6 in June. The little one just follows me around all day shouting and screaming, and wrecking the house. All he wants to do is climb up and down the fucking stairs. All.Day. Whilst the older one tries to repair his countless lego toys and gets frustrated because I can't stop what I'm doing watching the little one to help him.

I spent most of today sitting on the landing where I can see both of them in their various worlds (little one climbing up and down the small stairs to our room and bigger one in his room fixing lego.) House is a complete shithole. Toys, piles of washing everywhere. I have worn the same clothes for three days. Don't see the point anymore. Haven't cooked dinner. Haven't got any money. Not sure what world I'm in but I don't fucking like it.

I'm hungry, I haven't eaten properly today. Feel so sad and crap as a parent. I feel I neglect the bigger boy because the little boy needs me SO MUCH. I also have feelings of sadness and frustration that I'm not able to make them happy. I feel guilty, and so alone in this shitshow that is motherhood. Alongside the great love I have for my boys is deep frustration as well. I thought having a family would be more of an enjoyable experience. Perhaps I was naive. I feel that the burden of parenting does fall squarely on the woman's shoulder's, and that's not to say my husband doesn't do his part - he does, but he's got to progress his career, and continues with his life in a very linear fashion whilst I..........sit on the fucking landing wishing I could be happier. I don't feel like I'm enjoying this and that makes me sad. I just feel exhausted, crap and lonely. And strung out.

I think I've failed at this parenting lark. Everyone else seems to be bossing it. I don't want to spend my life on the landing in tears. This is failure on an epic scale surely

Cuddle them a ridiculous amount. That gets me past the “shit parent” days. Mine is 9 now and I still have crappy days but if I grab her and stick her on my knee and stuff my nose in her hair it’s all ok for a minute! She knows knows knows I love her and I do my best and that’s all I can do.

I decided when my DD was born that I didn't want to buy in to "mum-guilt". I imagine very, very few men tie themselves in knots feeling guilty after a day of feeding, changing and playing with the DC - which is what you did today.

Anyway my resolve turned to shit when DD2 came along it's a completely different ball game balancing the needs of two DC and lockdown had amplified that ten-fold. I hate the mum I've become the last couple of months and I feel horrendous guilt. Women do carry far too much of the burden of childrearing on their shoulders, it's inevitable we crack. for you!

It is bloody hard. And I only have the one so far. Don't be so hard on yourself, OP

Oh yes. Spent this evening sobbing.

You aren't alone.

My child plays games on the phone too much. I don't do enough home schooling because trying to motivate them and myself is hard. We love going out for walks though when the weather's good, could you do that? Take a tub of lego with you for your boy and sit on a blanket, change of scenery for you all, take a ball so they can kick that. Mine are just turned 6 and 9 and it's started to get easier but there were times when I thought everyone had it sussed when I'd be trying to get them to sleep for hours on end sitting next to their cots or pushing them in their pushchairs to get them to sleep, then I'd just cry at night for the guilt if I'd told them off etc. Seriously I feel chuffed if I find a pair of matching socks these days, where the fuck does one of them disappear to from every pair???