To dread dating after lockdown is over (lighthearted!)

[Sparklfairy]

I'm single and occasionally dabbled in online dating pre-lockdown. I've had some fun dates, some hilariously bad ones, and since joining MN a few years ago I feel wise to a lot of red flags and dodgy behaviour.

But lockdown has/will cause (accelerate?) a lot of break ups. I've read so many threads on here where partners/husbands sound absolutely unbearable. Even beyond abusive behaviour, these lazy men who sit around all day, eating all the food that they didn't even queue for etc.

So there will be an influx of single men on dating apps soon enough. Except they're all men that nobody else wants Every time I see a thread saying 'once lockdown is over I'm leaving him' I selfishly think 'Nooooo don't dump him into the single pool with me!!'

This is meant in a lighthearted way. The breakdown of any relationship is awful and lockdown heightens everything. Anyone who is in a relationship that is making them unhappy should absolutely get out.

I'm not making my point very succinctly but I guess what I mean is I've realised I'll have to work harder to pick through the newly dumped ones who just want to play the field or (worse?) find a replacement maid! Is anyone else single and wondering this?

MN has definitely opened my eyes to the amount of frogs out there. They all turn in to frogs in the end. I think I'm destined to be a crazy cat lady.

I hate to say it but surely pretty much everyone "in the single pool" is there because they're not wanted by someone else?

Best advice is to use your instinct and takes things slow.

@Delbelleber I'm starting to feel the same way, and being a cat lady doesn't sound nearly as bad as I thought it would 10+ years ago!

Maybe add a clause to your profile that they must have been separated before the pandemic struck

Won’t there also be a matching number of the opposite sex added to the dating pool, thus evening things out?

@SchiftingUp obviously there's an element of that, I was more saying that lockdown has caused them all to be dumped at once for mostly the same reasons (said half seriously and driven a lot by the threads I've read here!)

And what are you talking about? I'm fucking delightful, so that's not why I'm in the single pool

I wish I had found MN a few years ago and learned about red flags, my god it would've changed my life. If only I knew what i know now!

I hear you - everytime I think I am going to open my heart to love etc etc, I make the mistake of reading Mumsnet and find myself thinking fuck that dick for shit!
Then I imagine being in that shit scenario of OP and what I would have done.... at best I LTB though most of the time I BTB in the garden! Happy lovely Cupid encouraging Monday all

@Isawamagpie I couldn't agree more!!!

I hate to say it but surely pretty much everyone "in the single pool" is there because they're not wanted by someone else?

Lol are you sure about that? Plenty of people in relationships who are unable to leave.

I deleted my OLD account recently.

I was finding too many men who were more than likely in relationships. I think lockdown has increased the amount of men (and possibly women) who are in relationships and bored to join up.

So what I'm saying is I'm not sure the influx of men will even be single....

@moonsnake that's occurred to me too. Obviously there's always a chance anyway (pre Covid) but definitely more of a chance now. OLD is already a minefield and now I'm starting to think it's going to get even worse!

I'll have to work harder to pick through the newly dumped ones
You'd rather go out with people who were dumped ages ago and still haven't managed to find someone years later? Is that because you'd have more in common?

Surely there will also be an influx of men who’ve left horrible partners?

You'd be surprised how many people change their tune when they've been dumped.

My ex FIL and ex BIL (not related to each other) suddenly became wonderful cooks and much less selfish all round, when they met other women.

Sometimes (but not always) it's about what the other person is willing to put up with.

@ravenmum and @Reginabambina - this is why I put lighthearted (twice!)

Oh, should I also have written "lighthearted" in my comment?

@ravenmum Possibly. This is AIBU so I'm automatically defensive

Sorry if this is too serious, but I think that after lockdown, it will be excellent for anyone dating who likes to take it slow. More socially acceptable to stay at a distance. So potentially less fun for anyone wanting to play the field like me when I first did OLD

I think it might actually speed up relationships. People will want to find someone, anyone, quickly incase we go into lockdown again and they are alone again. Obviously not everyone will but some will.

I think there will be a lot of single men who have been observing lockdown and are, consequently, desperate for a shag.

There will, equally, be women desperate for a shag too. If there is some way that those two groups could get together and thus leave those looking for a relationship to meet up, that would be great.

Could go either way I suppose. I'm glad I'm not in lockdown with the last guy I was seeing! He lived with his parents, I live in a flat alone. He'd have definitely tried to move in and I don't even have a patio I could have buried him under!

I've been the 'victim' of lovebombing and guys latching on to me and moving too fast more than once. I definitely just want to date low key for a while (but as I've just seen, pubs and restaurants won't be open until at least July 4th so I've got a while yet!).

This is such a weird though I know, but bear with me

Having seen so many people over the last few months, wearing face masks/gloves and social distancing etc and that becoming so normal

The thought of shoving my tongue into a stranger's mouth, would fill me with dread.

That's what I thought this thread was going to be about

*weird thought