I feel like I have just about had enough

[louloubelleme]

Sorry if this is a bit of a rant. But I have just about had enough. My 2dc are constantly fighting and arguing (one of which has sen). DH is wfh which means everything is on my shoulders and I am also studying full time from home a very demanding postgrad course which requires a lot of time and which I can't defer as I have a job lined up for when I qualify (hopefully) this year.

My DH May be working from home but somehow I have ended up doing all the cleaning, cooking three meals a day, school work for DC, shopping and just about everything else. It's now 10.30pm and it's the first I have sat down today to start studying and I have hours ahead of me. I am so burnt out and fed up. I get a photo that he is upstairs reading with the kids and they 'miss mum' and honestly I just feel like exploding. I'm sitting downstairs in amongst mess from the roast dinner that Iv cooked that he hasn't even attempted to clean up and it feed like it's never enough. Today I have cleaned the house through, done the washing, activities with the kids, cooked and cared for everyone and even now people want a piece of me. I just spoke to him and we ended up arguing as I just feel so unappreciated and fed up. He isn't all bad and is generally a good dad but I just wish he would think more and be more considerate. Maybe I am being unreasonable as I can't seem to think clearly at the moment but I just feel so fed up and alone.

No, you're not unreasonable. Doesn't give him a free pass to not help just because he's working from home. If anything, he needs to step up.
DH has been slacking recently. I feel frustrated because he said I could also do the washing up, not just him, but he's not the one who does 98% of the cooking. I'm talking with him about it later once he's off his phonecall.

Hi OP, sorry you are feeling this way. My husband is also working from home and we have a very similar situation going on while he works but he takes over after he's finished with work at about 4/4.30pm. Have you tried to talk to him? I'm sure he would understand how exhausting it is to do EVERYTHING while all they do is sit there for 8/9 hours every day sipping on a cup of tea!! Was he like this before he was wfh or was he pretty hands on after he came home from work?

Thanks so much for replying, before all of this he seemed more helpful or it could be just that life was so busy before I didn't notice so much.

He's now cleaning up as I have made a fuss but it feels false, as if he is only doing it because I get angry - which I never do and we very very rarely argue- rather than because he cares.

The kids are still coming down constantly from bed but can't due much about it as oldest dc with sen suffers with anxiety and getting frustrated only makes it worse but I feel like screaming.

I'm sorry that others are feeling the same way. I know it must be hard for him too but it just feels like he is sitting there whilst I run ragged keeping everything afloat and tonight was the final straw.

I think it's only natural for us to feel this way. At the end of the day parenting is teamwork(at least it should be!) and looking after children's and doing cooking and housework all day long is so much more hard work than sitting there with a laptop/computer. I think this is all new to most of us to be honest. Could you maybe have a talk with him and tell him how overwhelmed with everything you're are feeling and that you'd like him to take over at least looking after the kids when he's done with work so you can then switch and do your work instead?

YANBU.
Split the load.
He needs to do 3 dinners a week, that's planning and cooking, plus 50% of the laundry then deep clean half the house once a week, upstairs or downstairs.
Don't let him dump it on you. Ans let him struggle while you shut yourself away to study, he needs to practice.

Hi OP, totally understand where you’re coming from. My DH has been furloughed. I’m wfh, he has the task of supporting the kids but these usually involves 2 hours study per day. He rolls out of bed about 9:30, has leisurely breakfast then does a few hours work with kids. I’ve noticed however he sometimes sets them off and then sits on his phone. If I’m lucky he will make them some lunch. Afternoon includes walking the dog with the kids for an hour max. No housework gets done and he waits for me to cook dinner. Today, he has sat around doing nothing. He emptied dishwasher first thing and that’s been it. Meanwhile I’ve done 3 lots of washing and drying, walked the dog, made lunch and dinner, cleaned 2 bathrooms, sorted the pets, mopped kitchen floor. I’m sat here seething, thinking I’m back at work tomorrow (in a stressful covid related job) and not had the opportunity to sit about. I’m off to bed joe before I explode!

Is he doing his share outside of his normal working hours (excluding commute)? Most people if they normally work in an office save loads of time wfh in not getting ready, commuting, interruptions etc and so I'd expect him to be doing his share before he starts (eg take it in turns to get up with the kids), taking over for a bit at lunchtime to give you a break, and doing half of evening and weekend stuff?

First of all sorry about the awful punctuation and grammar. I was typing so fast because I was so angry I didn't even bother to type properly. 

Tomorrow I am going to sit down and talk to him, he has now gone to bed but cleaned up and sorted the bins out since I got angry.

@kazza446 you have literally summed up how I feel. We also have two puppies and they are also a handful and some how it has landed on me to feed and care for them along with everyone else. I don't honestly know how you are working as well and all I can say is I totally sympathise and hope you feel a bit calmer.

I feel even worse now as my daughter heard my raised voice and came down to apologise and she has done nothing wrong. I promised I would read with her first thing in the morning and she has now gone to bed and seems to have gone to sleep but I just feel awful.

@OoohTheStatsDontLie his commute is usually 45 mins-1 hour each way every day. So he is saving lots of time, has a tea break every two hours as well as an hour for lunch! So plenty of time saved.

I think I am going to have to talk to him properly tomorrow when I feel calmer about the whole situation.

A friend of mine is studying for professional exams at the moment, and she and her DH have split the load. Timetable at the start of the week for a split of 35 hours work for him, 25 hours study for her. She takes the morning with the kids, he takes the afternoon. With no commute and a weekly food shop, there should be enough hours in the day for two parents living together to make a plan and still get 8 hours sleep.