Is this a subtle insult?

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I was talking to a male friend today. Last summer we ended up having to share a tent together due to circumstance (long story).

Nothing happened and it never would. We just slept after staying up late with a group. Today we were talking and he said I can trust him with anything if I even need help, as he didn't do anything inappropriate that night. So far so good. He then said 'while some men are tempted and may act inappropriate being close to sexy women, you know you can trust men who have to be close to you because they won't be attracted to the exterior and are doing it because they care about you inside'

Not sure how to take this. I don't fancy him and don't want him to fancy me, and I certainly don't want any one to do anything against my wishes or inappropriate. But I read it as 'you don't have to worry about men wanting you, you're so ugly they will only be spending time with you because of your personality' obviously personality most important but no one wants to be known as the minger no one wants to shag but they have a nice personality.

Maybe I am overthinking - tell me I AIBU before I sew a bag to wear on my head for the rest of my life

He sounds a bit creepy and would give me the Ick.

I got from it that you are not outwardly 'sexy' so you wouldn't have to worry about sharing a tent with a man as it's unlikely they'd try anything on.

My guess is he was negging you.

My guess is he was negging you. This. (He's more of a Golaud than a Pelleas...) Also, there's no such thing as a minger that men don't want to shag. They shag her anyway, while pretending they wouldn't. Classy, eh?

He’s just told you that the only reason he didn’t attempt to sexually assault you is because he was close to you, and you’ve taken this as an insult?

You can trust him because he didn’t try to assault you when he had the opportunity? I wouldn’t want to be within 100 miles of him. Creepy fucker.

Yup! I agree with the above. Blugh.

He sounds a bit thick

I think he was saying he was to be trusted because he didn’t try it on and if he did try it on it’s because you’re beautiful inside and out and it’s not just the physicality.

So yes, I think he fancies you sorry op.

I meant the negging posts but Sn0tnose has a point too.

This isn't the same poster who was told by a guy that men are scared by women due to their power is it? Or are we just lucky to hear two posts regarding the wisdom of men?

To be fair I’ve just read again, actually he might have been saying he didn’t think men were attracted to you because Of your looks. Which is horrible,

But I don’t think he’s saying he wanted to assault you or rape you, I don’t know why posters are going there, inappropriate means “try it on’ doesnt mean he doesn’t want consent. It doesn’t mean force.

Either way he’s dick head.

He's more of a Golaud than a Pelleas

How true!

I wonder if he’s a bit disappointed you weren’t desperate to use the excuse to bed him and actually he’s making himself feel better....

He's telling you you're not visually attractive enough to worry about unwanted attention from men.
Subtle? About as subtle as a brick to the back of the head...

Yes as insults go, there’s nothing subtle about it.

• I can trust him with anything if I even need help, as he didn't do anything inappropriate that night.

I find this so creepy, its almost like you need to be grateful that he didn't get rapey in the tent.

I'm writing this without any context but he sounds like a dick and I would be avoiding him.

Whichever way it was meant (and I'm inclined to think he fancies you and DOES find you attractive) it's still a 🤮 thing to say. He definitely sounds like a douchebag regardless of his intentions.

Any man who talks about 'secy women' is probably a bit of a knob anyway. He's making himself the big judge of who is and isn't 'sexy' whatever he means by that.

I'd be inclined to tell him you're glad it was just him you got stuck with, as if it had been a 'sexy man' you might have been tempted...

While I think what he said wasn’t very nice, on reflection if you’re not genuinely that attractive it’s probably nice to have a male friend who is entirely honest rather than someone you have to double guess.

I read that as he likes you, not that you are unattractive.

Is this persons first language not English? I don't read it as negatively as some but it does all sound a little contrived.

@BubblyBarbara, why would having a friend, male or female, who feels entitled to comment negatively on your appearance be a good thing?

I read it as him saying you don’t need to worry about men trying it on as you aren’t sexy.
That you can trust men are trying it on with you for your interior not your exterior.

Sorry
It’s also not true, ‘beauty is in the eye of the beholder’ and all that. Different people are sexy to different people.

My partner is massively better looking that me but seems to think I am beautiful. I know it’s not true, I’m average looking, but I guess because he loves my personality as well, that makes me more attractive to him!

oooh barbara you’ve lost me now.
And what the fuck? It’s probably nice to have a male friend to be honest and tell you you’re ugly...what??
No. It’s not. It’s not nice.
I just...what?

Why is everyone leaping to talk of rape or sexual assault?

It’s at worst a creepy and at best a clumsy comment. “Inappropriate” in this context (sharing a tent without any hint of anything out of order) might well mean spoiling a friendship by introducing a sexual note where none exists.

It’s hardly a flattering comment, but I could believe it was badly-worded rather than intentionally toxic. You know him best, OP.

While I think what he said wasn’t very nice, on reflection if you’re not genuinely that attractive it’s probably nice to have a male friend who is entirely honest rather than someone you have to double guess.

What. The. Fuck!

Tbh I haven't got a clue what he was trying to say op. It didn't make any sense to me at all. Not helpful

I wouldn't jump to "being inappropriate = potential rapist" as I think that's a bit of a stretch, however, he did sound rude in what he said. Basically he didn't try to initiate anything romantic or sexual with you because he doesn't find you attractive. So the bottom line is if he did find you attractive he would have at least tried to kiss or something physical like that. The irony is if he did think you were up for sex or similar he probably would have slept with you.

It's hard to have male friends at times because of this - in my experience I've often had men admit to me that they were friends with me because they were hoping for a chance for something more one day (heterosexual men of course). It really put me off having male friends and I personally don't see the point in having them. Just my thruppence on the matter.