...to ask if there are any bi women married to men on Mumsnet?

[foundmyselfacheerleader]

Hi. Feeling a bit confused and anxious at the moment and would love some thoughts. Lockdown isn’t helping. I’m 30, engaged to my boyfriend of 10 years (with a break for a couple of years in the middle). I love him so much and can’t imagine life without him. He’s amazing, I want a family with him, and I enjoy our sex life.

But...recently I’ve been noticing I’m attracted to women, too. I’ve never had sex or a relationship with a woman, but I’m noticing that it’s very much there. What do I do?! I don’t want to get married and then be thinking about this at the back of my mind my whole life.

Are there bi women married to men there who can tell me how they ease these thoughts? I’m scared that what if I think I’m bi now, but later turn out to be a lesbian and then feel like I’ve duped my husband? I am feeling so anxious. I suppose I just want to know if there are women married to men, who also feel attracted to women, but are also happy with their life? Thank you.

Whoops, didn’t mean to enable voting.

There was actually a similar thread on here a week or so ago. I’ll try and find it for you x

I'm a bi woman married to a bi man.

In my last relationship with a man, I left him for a woman. However, the relationship was plagued with other issues, and was doomed.

With current DH, our relationship is really good, and I can't imagine having my "head turned" by a woman, nor can he imagine wanting to be with a guy.

There are plenty of us. But once you're married to a man everyone assumes you're straight. Like if a man marries a man or is in a gay relationship it's assumed they're gay, same goes for lesbians. I don't know the answer, I'm afraid. But I do think that sexuality isn't always fixed and set in stone. I love my husband but that doesn't mean I don't find other men or women attractive.

It’s the same as if you’re straight, you’re not going to cheat on your husband whether with a man or with a woman?

It sounds like to me though you’re not sure you want to get married?

It's pretty common I think. Maybe it would be easier to think about it as 'someone else' rather than a potential woman. Are you actually having doubts about committing to your DP, which you're masking as maybe I'm a lesbian? If you think about 'what if I meet another man', do all the worries disappear?

In the long run, it would still be cheating or leaving whether it's for a man or a woman. But if you're actually having doubts about the relationship or commitment, it's better to handle those before you get any ideas about anyone else of any sex.

We aren't married but I am a bi woman who has been in a relationship, and lived with a man, for 15 years.

I've no interest in a relationship with anyone else, so at this point it doesn't really matter, though it does annoy me that people assume I am straight because I am with a man, I also understand why they do that and really, can't get too worked up about it.

My partner is fine with it, knew I was bi when we met, knew I'd had relationships of various kinds with various people, no drama or issue there.

If you HAVEN'T had a relationship with someone of the same gender though, and you want to and thats playing on your mind, then that might be something you need to really think about -and thats not really to do with being bi, its to do with not being sure you are ready to marry someone!

Im a bi woman married to a man... but i didnt marry him for his dick, i married him for who he is.

I think when it comes down to it, sexuality is clouding your issue. You're not sure if you want him to be the last person you're ever intimate with. If this is a worry for you, please don't marry him. Your attraction to women is a red herring here.

Thank you. I do think I’ve struggled with OCD and intrusive thoughts for a large part of my life, and I’m noticing a similarity to how I feel now and how I feel when I’m in an obsessive ‘episode’. But this has been going on for over a month now (coinciding with the lockdown, really). I suppose I’m scared I’ll never know for sure if I haven’t had an experience with a woman. But then I know sexuality is fluid. It’s all just so confusing. It’s reassuring to think that I suppose it’s the same as worrying about having your head turned by a generic ‘someone’ - actually, I don’t think that would happen, because I love my fiancé. Oh dear. Anxiety is so hard. thank you kind people of Mumsnet.

Im married and bisexual, i made my husband very aware very early in our relationship, he has no issue with it, often we will be out and one of us will say ooh look at her and the other will be like, ooh shes cute (not in a pervy knda way)
The way i see it, yes im sexually attracted to both men and women but its the heart and soul of a person you really fall in love with