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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have a socially distanced meet up with a friend?

43 replies

Ilovecats23 · 10/05/2020 15:18

I’m so lonely.

DH is working 6 days a week and is exhausted and napping on his days off, and when he’s not napping we’re getting household chores etc done
DC are both under 2 so can’t talk.

I really need to see someone, I’m so tearful and sad and just lonely. I’m also 26 weeks pregnant so hormones are probably making the loneliness worse.

Would it be awful of me to see a friend? We could sit 2m apart and just chat, I just need some form of company.

OP posts:
mildlymiffed · 10/05/2020 15:20

Can you not have a WhatsApp chat or zoom chat? I have sympathy- I'm a single parent with no adult company... but I am get increasingly impatient with people who don't want to adhere to the lockdown. By not adhering we potentially will see this thing going on for even longer. Wait and see what BoJo announces tonight... maybe some glimmer of relief.

SuperCraft · 10/05/2020 15:21

You have to risk assess it for yourself. Would a phone call or facetime not help? If you're going to be keeping apart then there's not much difference. It's not like you can get a hug. Sorry you're feeling this way. It's tough.

fairynick · 10/05/2020 15:22

It isn’t unreasonable. Just sit 3m apart and in the garden. Hope you’re feeling better soon x

Turquoisetamborine · 10/05/2020 15:23

We went to a large park yesterday and saw loads of people who were clearly friends sitting two metres apart having a chat.

We were playing with a ball a few metres away from a couple of young girls and she was pouring her heart out to the other and it clearly meant a lot to her to be able to do that.

I desperately miss my friends and would love to do the same if one of them suggested it.

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 10/05/2020 15:25

It’s a difficult time

Something shall change later and maybe it’s allowing small meet ups

You will get mixed responses on here. It can be very isolating having young children it’s so often overlooked and this situation makes it harder

BeltaneBride · 10/05/2020 15:26

YANBU
Plenty of people do
You are harming nobody

ParkheadParadise · 10/05/2020 15:26

I would.
I ran into a friend at the supermarket recently we sat on the wall outside 2 metres apart and had a chat.
Hope your feeling better soon

Genderwitched · 10/05/2020 15:26

YANBU also you don't have to ask Mumsnet for permission, it will do you the world of good. Is she up for it as well?

Yellowsubmarinedreams · 10/05/2020 15:27

I would. The world won't end. By the way you don't need to ask permission. You're an adult.

Pissflapflip · 10/05/2020 15:28

BoJo seems to have tweeted his new 'Stay Alert' phrase and just said stay 2m away so this is wide open to interpretation.

StrawberrySquash · 10/05/2020 15:30

If you do, try and stay more than 2m apart. Apparently the recommendation is 2m for 15 mins and if you are talking you will be breathing out the aerosols. Outside obviously, try not to have one downwind of the other.

Grandmi · 10/05/2020 15:31

Just do it ...2 metres apart and a good old chat will be so beneficial to you .💐

Ilets · 10/05/2020 15:33

You are an adult and don't need mumsnet permission. I would do it, yes, probably on a walk so you are moving and outdoors. It's nice to chat that way as well.

iamapixie · 10/05/2020 15:36

The risk is tiny. I wouldn't hesitate.
However, you should really trust yourself to risk assess, rather than us randomers on the Internet!
Look at some stats (proper ones, not invented Facebook ones, so maybe a quick trawl through the BBC backed up by more general stuff from the Office for National Statistics) and make sure you know the actual guidelines not the mad invented MN guidelines, and come to a decision that way.Good luck.

cardibach · 10/05/2020 15:36

You don’t need to meet up to have a chat. FaceTime, zoom, Skype - there are lots of ways. You w t get a hug/human contact if socially distancing anyway, so I don’t see the difference. Stay home and phone them.

cardibach · 10/05/2020 15:37

As an aside I’m getting bloody fed up of people and their socially distanced chats outside my flat. I have had the windows open because it’s nice and the socially distanced chatters are obviously having to raise their voices. I don’t want to hear your inane chatter, go home and phone from inside.

Figgygal · 10/05/2020 15:42

Do it On zoom
Ask your husband to step up too working doesn’t alleviate him from his responsibilities at home

TheOrigBrave · 10/05/2020 16:03

I "coincidentally" happened to be doing the same walk as a friend yesterday.

We crawled through a gap in the hedge and sat well apart on the edge of a field.

It did us both the world of good. It's so much more natural and easy to chat in person.

I'm going to "coincidentally" cycle past another friend's house next week as she's in the garden, and we'll have a chat.

All fine. We are rural.

nb the "coincidently" is tongue in cheek, we are adults and have made our own judgement - not sneaking about.

MzHz · 10/05/2020 16:09

More and more are doing this.

Thank GOD too!

Be responsible and do the distance, wash hands thing but it’s SUCH a tonic.

I have my ds and adorable OH with me, but having had a walk by from a dear dear friend lifted both of our spirits for days!

You don’t need to ask permission.

DollyDoneMore · 10/05/2020 16:10

You are being unreasonable.

The lockdown only works to reduce virus transmission if we all agree as a society to obey it.

We all have our reasons why we could bend it or break it for minimal risk. We all think we’re special.

It’s tough. I get that. But you shouldn’t do this.

cologne4711 · 10/05/2020 16:12

It's not strictly within the guidelines but it's not risky and I can't see the problem as long as you don't walk on opposite pavements and effectively block both of them. Walk behind each other. I regularly see two ladies running up my road with a big gap between them - obviously together but not together.

I wish they would ease up on small group exercise. It's all very well saying you can go out as much as you like - what people need is to be able to meet up with a friend.

However, I know people think this is a terrible idea. I suggested socially distanced runs in my running club Facebook group a week before lockdown and my post was deleted with a stern message being posted to say nobody must use this group to arrange to meet up for socially distanced runs.

My son's club was more laid back and only stopped all activity the day of lockdown.

DollyDoneMore · 10/05/2020 16:13

@iamapixie says

make sure you know the actual guidelines not the mad invented MN guidelines

So here are the guidelines:

Stay at home
Only go outside for food, health reasons or work (but only if you cannot work from home)
If you go out, stay 2 metres (6ft) away from other people at all times
Wash your hands as soon as you get home
Do not meet others, even friends or family. You can spread the virus even if you don’t have symptoms.

It’s very clear. Don’t do it.

Flopdrop · 10/05/2020 16:30

People have to make their own decisions. I have one friend I have been meeting with, and on every occasion we have been a minimum 2 metres apart.
I really don't see the harm. We all have to get through this the best way we can, and if by meeting people responsibly means we are able to cope mentally then so be it.

Yambabe · 10/05/2020 16:34

I did the other day. DF lives in a city-centre flat and has no outside balcony or garden. She works in a care home and was incredibly stressed. We were speaking on houseparty but she was still really low so I suggested she came over as we are in the suburbs and have a reasonable garden and drive

I was actually at work when she arrived (by myself!) so she settled herself with her own chair and sat in my garden, in the sun. When I got home a couple of hours later I grabbed my own chair and sat out too so we could have a good chat. We were a good distance apart, about a saloon car length. Hopefully it helped her, I know it made me feel better to have some human interaction with someone who wasn't DH. DS or a supermarket checkout operator!

I don't feel guilty, although apart from that we have complied with lockdown by only going out to work or to the supermarket once a week. I'm hoping that today's new measures will allow more of us to do stuff like this.

Mustbetimeforachange · 10/05/2020 16:42

The guidelines also state
Unless you are with members of your household, you must not gather in groups of more than two people in public spaces like parks.