Almost sexless marriage

[twistandtwirl]

I'm living in an almost sexless marriage and I'll admit it's taking its toll on me. Sex happens maybe once every 6 weeks and only for 5 minutes before he gets tired and stops. I need sex not just for physical reasons but emotional too IYSWIM. Maybe you will think I'm wrong for that, but sex toys are not a replacement for having closeness with another person.

I do not nag my husband but I have told him how it makes me feel - unwanted, unattractive, unfulfilled etc etc etc. I've asked him to consider seeing the doctor but he insists there's nothing wrong with him. It's got so bad I've said I don't think I want to continue this marriage if he doesn't care about something that's making me feel so upset.

Today he asked me to give him oral sex and if I did he would have sex with me. Normally I would but he have wet piss stains on his pants and hasn't showered in over a day. I said no, so he said it's all my fault we don't have sex because I am not willing to stimulate him. I'll add he never pleasures me anymore. He shouted at me so I said I don't want to have sex with him anyway if he's going to treat me like this. He called me a C U Next Tuesday, and stormed off. He's taken my sec toys so I won't be able to get myself off either.

I feel so shit.

Did you say that you didn't want to give him oral sex because of his hygiene? Maybe say "I'd love to but you need to shower first".

So he blackmails you, throws a tantrum, verbally abuses you and takes your personal possessions? I would leave him and not just for the lack of sex but the fact hes an absolute wanker. Do you really want to live like that?

So much wrong here and the lack of sex is the symptom not the true issue.

Just for clarity, in 32 years of marriage my DH (who is far from perfect, as am I) has never once called me a cunt. Because that crosses a line.

It sounds very much as if you would benefit from relationship counselling which you can do alone if he won’t engage. It will help you decide what you want from all this and if you want to stay with a man who treats you this way.

Has he changed dramatically or was he always like this?

@therona I said I would rather he showered before I did that and he said I should do it regardless if I want to have sex

He sounds utterly horrendous. His behaviour is abusive!

Oh yeah that’s a massive no from me. Firstly I couldn’t live in a sexless marriage so I honestly can’t blame you at all for being upset with this.
But more importantly I couldn’t live with a man that tried to use sex as a weapon, I totally understand wanting oral sex, but it should be in a situation where you’re both enjoying yourself and willing (and clean), not used as a way of controlling if you get sex.
Honestly you need to sit him down and explain exactly how this has made you feel and decide how you wish to handle this. Maybe couples counselling, or he moves out for a few days while you both think about where to go from here.
If he’s a good man and this was a one off ask him if everything is okay, was this a misguided attempt at ‘spicing up your sex life’ and he got angry when it didn’t go well (doesn’t excuse his behaviour but I don’t want to just assume he’s an ass!)
But if he’s always been like this and you’ve just reached the point that you’re fed up then I’d have a serious think about whether I wanted to stay in the marriage at this point.

He sounds awful.
What age is he? Is he experiencing erectile dysfunction and embarrassed/angry about it? Seems very odd to stop after five minutes for being "tired" more likely he has lost his erection.
You don't need toys, surely, not that that's the solution.

He sounds horrible and abusive.

Good grief this is awful. He's wielding sex as a weapon. When a couple respect each other they don't demand oral sex when they haven't showered. It's gross and he sounds like a massive prick. I'd have to divorce him on the grounds that he's trying to manipulate you.

This has crossed the line. I dont know how you would even want to ever let him touch you again after this. Sounds like you both are incompatible not to mention the other stuff.

it's got so bad I've said I don't think I want to continue this marriage if he doesn't care about something that's making me feel so upset

I think you should listen to that thought.

Today he asked me to give him oral sex and if I did he would have sex with me. Normally I would but he have wet piss stains on his pants and hasn't showered in over a day

Grim. I'd LTB.