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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Brother in law and cousin

18 replies

Tabsvik79 · 09/05/2020 18:05

In October last year my best friend, my sister, was diagnosed with terminal cancer. She was funny and always just accepted what was going to happen to her. As a joke, my beautiful inside and outside cousin who is in a abusive relationship, was asked to marry my brother in law (as a joke).
My sister and her husband was married for 19 years With 3 children and they got remarried in Vegas last March before she was diagnosed with anything.

Unfortunately my sister lost her life in December before Christmas and it broke me and all our family.

For the past few months my Cousin is constantly round my sisters house. They sit close to each other and whisper and giggle like little kids and I can’t help but feel like they are taking the utter Piss out of my sisters memory as it’s only been a few months.

AIBU and shouldn’t say anything or should I just stay something.

I should also add that the children are not happy with this situation either.

OP posts:
rosiejaune · 09/05/2020 18:28

You mean your sister asked them to get married? Maybe it wasn't so much a joke as you thought, and she knew perfectly well they liked each other and would make good partners and wanted them both to be happy.

Nottherealslimshady · 09/05/2020 18:40

Whether or not the sister did want them to eventually get married maybe they could at least wait out of respect. Especially if the kids are unhappy about it. I really dont know how you could have the conversation gently.
Sorry for the loss of your sister

Widowodiw · 09/05/2020 18:43

As a widow, I don’t think that you should judge and you should keep you beak out. When the person that has been your life suddenly isn’t there anymore you have a horrendous amount of emotions to deal with. One of them is that you just want somebody.

Sapphire387 · 09/05/2020 18:50

Firstly, I am so sorry for the loss of your sister and I know you must be hurting so much.

I was widowed a few years ago and I don’t think it is your place, or anyone’s, to judge your brother in law over this.

NailsNeedDoing · 09/05/2020 18:53

I agree that you’re not in a position to judge, so you should just be kind. Your sisters memory is not a thing that can be harmed.

YeahWhatevver · 09/05/2020 18:55

None of your business.

Mummyoflittledragon · 09/05/2020 18:58

It is very common for men to move on quickly. I have also read the happier the relationship, the faster the new relationship can be. I’d try therefore not to judge on this. I would focus your attention on the children. It appears they are not being considered, which is very wrong.

Sodamncaughtinthemiddle · 09/05/2020 19:03

How old are the children?
Are they in a confirmed relationship? Or is cousin still in an abusive relationship

I wouldn't be happy OP.

Original poster
Tabsvik79 · 09/05/2020 19:30

I have no idea is she is still in the relationship. She is still living in his house. But when lockdown happened he moved out taking the dogs with him to stay with “his sister”.

OP posts:
userxx · 09/05/2020 19:31

Wow. Men can move on at lightening speed but I'm surprised at your cousin. Double standards I know.

Original poster
Tabsvik79 · 09/05/2020 19:31

Children are 18, 17 and 11.

OP posts:
Unravellingslowly · 09/05/2020 19:31

I should also add that the children are not happy with this situation either

^this is the important bit.
DHs mum died when he was youngish. His dad married twice more because he couldn’t cope with his kids alone. The effects have lasted the rest of his life-mid 50’s now.

How old are the children? They are the important people in all this. Your BIL is an adult and, yes it’s shit he lost his wife, but to seek to replace her so soon, so he isn’t lonely, disregarding their children’s feelings is awful.

So sorry for your loss Flowers

Unravellingslowly · 09/05/2020 19:32

X post

Twisique · 10/05/2020 15:18

They do say that those that had very good marriages marry again quickly.

SodaSloth · 10/05/2020 15:55

Not any of your business. Both are consenting adults. Kids are tough cookies and given time hopefully they will get to like their new normal with a happy laughing Dad. Would you want your OH to be in mourning for years?

Original poster
Tabsvik79 · 10/05/2020 15:57

Not for years no. But it’s only been 5 months Ffs

OP posts:
GrumpyHoonMain · 10/05/2020 16:03

I agree it’s shit and if it were my family the cousin and bil would be cut off from the family permanently, expecially since the kids are old enough to contact you directly.

Neron · 10/05/2020 18:37

If I were in your shoes, I'd most likely blurt something out through anger/upset if I saw it. People say to mind your business, and the kids will be fine but no one knows that.
Can you say how you feel to them OP, say to the kids you're always there for them to chat to and it won't go any further? I think it's disrespectful

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