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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Do you find your dp / relationship boring!

14 replies

numih · 09/05/2020 14:49

Honestly I've been feeling really shit about my relationship lately but I can't really put a finger on why. My dp just doesnt talk to me. When we first for together we would chat for hours about all sorts of stuff.

Now I can't even get a conversation out of him about what we're going to do for the day. It really is making me sad. I miss adult conversation and just laughing about stuff and chatting about inane crap. Is this how to relationships look 13 years down the line?!

OP posts:

arethereanyleftatall · 09/05/2020 14:50

My experience - mostly yes; some no.

Original poster

numih · 09/05/2020 14:55

So it's sort of expected that this is what happens?

OP posts:

Soon2BeMumof3 · 09/05/2020 15:00

I think everyone is different. Have you spoken to your partner about it? I think relationships go through phases and if it's a strong relationship then it withstands a 'boring' patch. There can be lots of reasons you're not laughing and chatting that have nothing to do with your relationship. He might be tired, stressed, you're both busy with kids, you're both struggling with lockdown, depression. Maybe check in and see what he thinks?

Original poster

numih · 09/05/2020 15:08

We've had patches like this before and every single time it's me that brings it up. He always thinks there's nothing wrong. I will suggest stuff to do, places to go. He never does any of that. if it wasn't for me the DC would be stuck indoors every weekend/ holiday. I find it frustrating he doesn't make an effort in conversation or just being with us. Each time this has happened theres a small improvement and then things go back to normal quite quickly. I think it's just the way it is. He will always be like this. I'm really lonely.

OP posts:

LaurieFairyCake · 09/05/2020 15:09

No, my husband is the most interesting person on earth to me

I've never been bored for one minute

DuploTower · 09/05/2020 15:19

I hear you. Similar here. He's a great guy. He loves me. Is affectionate, committed. But he's not much of a talker. I don't think he's witholding any rich internal life - I think he's just a straightforward guy. And the idea of talking as a form of connection is alien to him. He is also not much interested in doing anything, going anywhere, seeing or meeting anyone.

I think, unless you feel there's something else wrong with the relationship, the best thing is to just fill this void in other ways. Don't expect them to be interested, just do it by yourself or with the kids.

ittakes2 · 09/05/2020 15:22

No - been with hubby 20 years and I am often late as we talk too much!

ViciousJackdaw · 09/05/2020 15:22

I must admit mine's getting on my nerves just now. It's the irate comments on the news - yes, I KNOW the government is an utter shambles, you don't need to keep reminding me! Nor do I want a half-hour discussion on which cordless drill to order - you use it, you're paying for it, choose the one you think is best. It's just lockdown though isn't it - I'm pretty sure I'm getting on his nerves too.

Soon2BeMumof3 · 09/05/2020 15:37

OP have you read about 'love languages'? I wonder if that's your situation. You're hoping he'll express his love by spending time talking, planning day trips etc (quality time love language) while he might be expressing it in other ways.

It sounds silly but have a google. It changed the way I saw DH when we were dating. I was getting fed up that he never planned a date but realised he expressed affection and excitement in other ways.

chocolateorangeinhaler · 09/05/2020 17:59

I think the current situation is not helping. Being stuck inside 24/7 with someone with nothing to do gets boring.
I've been wishing I could work weekends lately just so we don't have to spend more time together.
Find a hobby, play the long game. I bet when all this is over and back to normal there will be times you wish you had more time together.

Original poster

numih · 09/05/2020 18:10

Sadly I don't think it is the lockdown. I have been feeling like this before and thought that things might improve as usually we are so busy with work / school runs etc and this time is giving us a chance to relax a bit and enjoy spending time together. But my days are spent working / homeschooling / cooking and cleaning whilst he just spends most of his time on the computer in our room.

OP posts:

BeBraveAndBeKind · 09/05/2020 18:27

Mine isn't good with communicating about feelings or verbally supportive but if I'm having a rough time, he'll buy me my favourite butter or something else he knows I love. We've been together for 25 years and he's still the person I want to spend my time with and him me but it took a long time (and some pretty big outbursts) for me to understand that this is how he shows his love and care.

There may well be something else going on with him. Does he know how you're feeling?

MistressWeatherwax1 · 09/05/2020 19:05

This is exactly how things are in my relationship now, 11 years in. We've both been wfh and somehow I've still spent the entire lockdown by myself. We've just had dinner together and now he's away back to sit in the other room watching Netflix and messaging his mates. If I want a conversation it has to be with friends or family.

Original poster

numih · 09/05/2020 23:11

MistressWeatherwax1

Yes to having to speak to family/ friends for adult connection! Its so shit.

OP posts:

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