To ask how do you calm your self when upset?

[Carm44]

I’m quite an anxious person and find when I’m upset about something that others would also be upset about but “get over”, I cannot do the same I tend to snowball and get more and more upset and find it hard to calm down. I obviously don’t show infront of my kids but internalise the upset and eat! or just feeling drained. How do you calm yourself and get over everyday annoyances? I’m jumping around with my daughter right now laughing but inside I just feel terrible - how do you calm yourself down?

Certain textures soothe me. I like things that are really soft and smooth, so I find something with the right texture and cuddle up to it for 5 minutes and breath deep.

It may sound silly but it really helps me

Tbh I feel like I have a switch in my head and can turn my feelings off when I need to - this has got me through many years as a nurse! I just very firmly decide to detach from the feelings and deal with them later when I have the time and space.

I think it's mainly about not allowing my thoughts to get out of control - so I can manage helping a hurt child, but not thinking about how their mum will feel if they die. So I just don't let my thoughts move on to anything other than what is in front of me right now.

Box breathing is good for stress the SAS use it. I meditate every day for 10-15 minutes. Put some classical music on and count my breath. I'm a much calmer person and sleep so much better.

Cheese

Chocolate usually. Probably not ideal.

I used to do what @Stompythedinosaur does but found it really unhealthy for me, i just used it all the time and stopped "switching on" I went through a long time without ever feeling anything at all.

Now I go for a walk somewhere quiet and natural. I have to get away from everyone and let my mind settle, I'm autistic so get overwhelmed by sensory info so my main problem is getting away from sensory stuff and letting that static in my brain wear off.

Allow yourself to be upset-angry, sad, scared, or whatever it is. So much anxiety is caused by a belief that you're not allowed to have those difficult feelings, and so you desperately try to shove them in a box and put the lid on tight. It doesn't work. There is nothing wrong with being upset - it's a perfectly healthy reaction to lots of things. The more you allow yourself to feel whatever you're feeling, the less overwhelming those feelings get over time

Controlled breathing to reduce the "fight-or-flight" response, and a magnesium supplement - thats after decades of meds and therapy.

Breath in through your nose and out through your mouth, and focus on gradually making each breath as long and slow as you can.

Concentrate on breathing out, so easy to hold my breath when anxious.

The five senses technique, to notice things using your five senses:

5 things that you can touch/feel
4 things that you can hear
3 see
2 smell
1 taste

The order is not important, the 5-4-3-2-1 format is important and soothing.

Then go back to focus on breathing then check in which how you are feeling.

Any technique that you can use in the moment is better than any other technique. The more often you practise, the easier and better it will be.

I was going to suggest 54321. When my anxiety gets bad I have rolling panic attacks and that is one I use quite a lot.

I also comfort eat which is less healthy 😉

The STOPP technique is good as well, I can't remember the full acronymbut the gist is to make yourself stop what you're doing and ask if the thing you are anxious about is a genuine threat to your safety. If not then work out what you can control anf what you can't. It helps calm the fight or flight response.

Thank you everyone for your replies. I’m going to try all the tips here and I will let you know how I get on. I’ll probably start from tomorrow as I’m stuffing my face so feel really drained and I think new start from tomorrow! Thanks again so lovely of so many people to reach out and give advice

I find it hard to switch off from the bad thoughts/feelings in my head and can get irritable or distracted. Usually need to sleep and wake up with fresh perspective.

Distraction works for me. A good walk with music especially, or just keeping myself busy with other stuff. Setting myself a goal to achieve, even if it's to get a simple task finished, makes me feel more positive and able to move on.

Vodka and a ciggie

Life expectancy at the mo: approx 7 minutes

I allow myself a set amount of time to just fully feel the feeling (sadness, rejection, confusion, what ever it is). During that time I don't try to find solutions or tell myself I'm being silly or over reacting or that I may have misunderstood the situation. I just sit with thoes feelings. I find they pass fairly quickly if I do that.

If you can't give yourself time right away because of other things going on, tell yourself 'im going to feel these feelings fully at X time'. It helps with the spiralling.

Same for if your can't sleep at night. I tell myself 'You have time tomorrow booked to worry about these things'

Going for a fast run

I talk to someone! I really find that it helps me to share my worries. My poor husband

Thank you everyone for the replies! I’ve been reading with interest.