DP and the mattress

[Sharpandshineyteeth]

DP doesn’t live with us full time as we don’t always get on great. He used to a couple of years ago.

I bought a new mattress about 4 months ago as my old one was terrible and...well old.

DP used to get a bad back from the old mattress and so did I toward the end because I could feel the springs.

So I bought a new one. Medium firmness. Now he claims this one gives him a bad back and hasn’t been sleeping in it. I can’t see how a new medium mattress can cause a bad back in a fit and well 33 year old!!! He will sleep downstairs if I need him to stay but complains. Is there anything we can put on his side of the bed to make his side more firm? I do need him to stay to help with DD and this is likely to increase.

Oh I'm sorry, I read on and saw the reasons. I'm not sure what you could do - maybe a board underneath the mattress as others have suggested? Or a firm put-you-up bed that you could get out when he's there?

May be it's best he takes dd to his for contact and gives you some proper downtime?

I have spinal issues, and I can only sleep comfortably on a latex mattress. On the plus side, they do sell toppers that are relatively cheap. Alternatively, he could return the mattress you purchased and do the trial year with another brand like Nectar? Ultimately, however, your comfort takes priority and if he has to sleep on the sofa to take care of your daughter, he should do it without complaint. This is the last thing you need to be stressing about.

At first I thought it was all a bit odd but based on your update, your post makes more sense.

Surely, at this time, YOUR comfort takes priority here??? And I speak as someone who has had a bad back for 20 years. Definitely try a board under his side before spending money on a topper.

Under these circumstances perhaps he could buy himself a single mattress. He could use that in the bedroom or living room etc. Your comfort is paramount now.

If it's the kind of slats that are split in the middle like the attached picture you can buy new slats (google replacement bed slats) that are firmer for one side only - we did this and it really helped
DH is a lot bigger & heavier than me so understandably his side needed more support

I agree that it isn’t the mattress that is the problem. Do you have any other family help or is it just him? I’m sorry to say this but he sounds a bit crap. Is he going to step up and actually help? Can he be relied upon?

You have stage 4 cancer.
How can anyone be that much of a cunt to make a fuss over a mattress when that’s the situation, I mean really?! Baffles me.

If he needs it firmer put a board under his side. If he needs it softer put a matress topper.

Agree with @summerfruitssquash about who should be taking priority here.

So he doesn’t stay because he likes a lie in?
How about you get a lie in? Can he look after your DD at his place and let you rest?
He sounds like a wanker.

I can’t see how a new medium mattress can cause a bad back in a fit and well 33 year old!

I’ve had to buy a firm mattress since my early 20’s. No known back problems at the time but anything softer left me in agony.

New slats won’t affect firmness nor will a mattresses topper.

Another vote for the board under the mattress. Hope it works.

Considering it was always the expectation that he was going to come and sleep regularly, it would have made sense to go and buy it jointly and him contributing. They do mattresses that have different firmness on either side. That would have solved the issue.

So sorry to hear of your illness. I really hope he is treating you well otherwise.