Advice on living peacefully and being able to enjoy garden

[Anon55533]

Neighbours could be worse I suppose but I do dream (recently all I can think about) about one day having a new home where I can sit outside and read and have no football being kicked into our fence with constant thud thud and loud cheering and not fearing One of us will be kicked in the head with that bloody football coming over the fence at any time, not having to hear every conversation.

I’m sick of then constantly having work done which they then need access to our property, i really don’t care what work they get done but it feels I’m always a part of it! I really could go on.....

We can’t afford to live in a beautiful mansion in middle of no where so I can stop fantasising about that but seriously is this what new house will be like too? How do the rest of you manage to not let NDN annoy you? Please ignore my rantings, I know there are major problems in the world right now but looking for some useful advice on how to choose the next house a little more wisely and how to be able to live peacefully in this house right now, as doesn’t look like we can move anytime soon with job uncertainties.

I do sympathise with you, because it is hard when close neighbours are annoying.

And sometimes they're perfectly nice people who are not trying to be annoying, but still are.

During lockdown, it is understandable that you want to enjoy your garden peacefully, but the kids next door are also going stir crazy and have every right to play games in their garden of course.

When you choose your next house, you could avoid places that are family-friendly maybe? To take an extreme, a little cul-de-sac of bungalows is likely to be populated
by quieter, older people. Although you could easily end up with a DIY enthusiast or a 7am lawn-mower!

Ultimately, unless you look for something rural, with a bit of distance between you and your neighbours, you have to show a degree of tolerance.

In the meantime - enjoy your garden when they're not in theirs, play music to drown them out, wear headphones or earplugs, or approach them about the ball/fence if you think they'd be approachable (since constant battering could actually damage it).

Hoping for you that you will win the lottery soon OP

Thank you for your advice. Sorry I didn’t make it obvious in my post! I do have kids but I do not let them kick balls into any of the fences and we have garden rules that we don’t scream loudly when outside and don’t disturb neighbours. They’re still little so thank God they listen to me still! I really cannot imagine letting my child kick a ball into a fence someone else has paid for and be okay with it, it was the same pre-lockdown too with the kicking n screaming and throwing things over our side (not just balls sometimes packets of crisps) so not all due to being cooped up at home, we actually used to escape to the park a lot to get away from the noise but we can’t go as much now, so that’s why I’m going crazy. I can’t put headphones on as I feel I need to be on the lockout incase a ball gets kicked over again and hits one of mine if the head.

Thanks honeybee! I was actually looking on rightmove earlier lol!

Beautiful house I saw with no neighbours! It was like £15 million or something!

We moved 2 years ago to a lovely house....but because we are a corner in one road we are bordered by about 4 other gardens. Yesterday I tried to sit in the back to enjoy the weather - 1 had a petrol lawn mower going, 1 was using what sounded like a chain saw...might be a leaf blower....then in the evening there was a frantic call game involving the entire house on one side followed by a noisy bbq (was that really just their house ? No idea)... Really this is just life. I can't do anything about it so will just deal with it.

The ball on the fence would make me say something... more because I wouldn't want to have to pay to fix damage. Ask them to use a foam ball.

I'm only replying now as it was hot last night so I slept with all the windows open and the birds have woken me up with their racket this morning! Lol. City garden but still lots of birds.

Gosh it really is such a problem, if only quiet cul de sacs were a thing! (Cue enraged people...) And we live on top of eachother in the uk, it's quite a different quality of life in that respect, than to say, the US or many European countries, where pretty but compact detached homes surrounded by a respectable berth/ patch of land are the norm. I was in the same situation once. The garden was never peaceful. In 6 years living there I never read a book in it (I love reading) or entertained there. It feels like having your life in hold, living constantly with coping mechanisms. Settling down to just sit in a quiet room with a cup of tea and the laptop wasn't worth the anxiety of knowing that at any moment there would be a tirade of noise and clammering about next door with slamming doors. Or constant diy. Or their music. So I lived with earphones in. Who wants to do that! (As a background, during the first years I attempted to do the normal thing of talking to them. Usual story that it got better for about one day then went back to normal. I didn't want to put a formal complaint on the house record. Anyway, moving is really the best thing. You are right to consider the type of house/ area - don't go for new builds. Try to do atleast semi detached if not detached. If back to back and adjoining gardens, make sure they have something separating them like trees, well positioned sheds etc and no outdoor seating areas within too close a range to your house. If not, check the gardens for that meek "tended to but don't overly used" look. For flats, ALWAYS choose top floor.

@trellishead thank you for the advice that’s actually really good point about garden not looking overly used! I didn’t think of that, yes well positioned trees and sheds is going on list too. Thank u!

@Mumdiva99 it sounds awful for you too. I know what u mean about birds singing! It’s probably the most peaceful sound I will hear all day!

no worries, hope you find something. You deserve a peaceful home.

Just remember that when their work is finished. Their kids are a bit older and off out doing their own thing. And your neighbours want to enjoy the peace and quiet of their garden....your kids will probably be at their loudest and noisiest! Lol.

Lol @mumduva99, if only! That particular neighbour is pregnant again (best wishes to her of course lovely news) so I think this will continue for years to come. I’m definitely done I can’t imagine one more....but you never know in lockdown!!

Think of how much worse it could be instead of how much better.

That’s good advice @honestopinion. I’m gonna focus on that today.

We rarely return balls from our neighbors immediately, nor do we expect our balls to be returned immediately. I would collect them at the end of the day and pop them back over the fence. My children definitely learned from "oh well the balls gone, time to come in " meant they took more care to stop it happening. With regards to crisp packets being chucked over, I would take these back and ask the neighbours to dispose of properly, your garden is not their bin and you don't want rats. If they are funny with you about it and continue, I would simply bin the crisp packets but refuse to return their balls.

I think be brave and just ask them to use their lawn and not to kick it at the fence . Be specific about the problem though ie not fence damage as that may or may not happen. Something like “the noise is really annoying” which they can’t argue with.
I think because you are considerate neighbours they really might not occur to them what a nuisance they are.
And then take the fence down and replace it with a horrible net one so the ball doesn’t bounce of it.

I don't return footballs immediately. I throw them back over at night or early morning. Throwing them back over immediately just encourages them.

I think that, if they're nice people, they might be amenable to you mentioning the ball against the fence.

Lie and say you love the sound of them playing outside in the garden, but that the bang against the fence is like a dripping tap that's driving you mad. Ask if they'd consider using a foam ball, if you bought them one.

And yes, just imagine how much worse it could be - constant boinging of a trampoline right next to your fence, bonfires every time you put your washing out, nightly hot tub 'parties', beer bottles thrown over, top-volume foul language, dangerous dog regularly leaping the fence...ummm...crack den? Use your imagination and you'll end up feeling incredibly lucky!

I can feel like this when I’m generally irritable. We’re the end of a terrace, but the gardens to one side are end on to us, so we have six gardens that border onto ours. It’s felt like since we moved in someone has taken it in turns to do a loft conversion (including us) so banging has been my constant companion for years. (SAHP). Yesterday someone was using a power tool somewhere, next door had loud dance hall on and there were kids shouting, I went upstairs and a man was sat in his car with the engine running loudly. I had to have a word with myself.

Yes I choose this house with no kids in mind.

The only nieghbours around me are all one or two beds with tiny or no gardens It's a high street house so. No playing out front and we are in a old shop and have a decent garden.

I am very thankful right now!!

At some point the lockdown will end, and you won't see the children for dust. They will be out playing with their friends, on day trips and having a childhood again.

Think of them as caged baby birds, rather than annoying kids. It is not their fault they are stuck in this position.

I would choose quieter times to sit in the garden. Or find a spot somewhere does not need to be at home, as we are allowed out to enjoy some peace every day. It will pass, all of this.

If you lived in the middle of nowhere you would feel lonely, trust me. It is quite cut off with no noise, no neighbours. The world could end and we would not know. Try to see the noise as comfort, people are alive and well, these people would also be the ones to call ambulances/fire service/or offer a bowl of sugar if you needed it, I am sure. So see them as a blessing as well sometimes.

Our neighbours are a couple with kids in their early 20s, they don't really cause us any issues. However we have a 4 and 2 year old and a trampoline so they possibly wouldn't say the same about us. I wouldn't let them kick balls against the fence though.

We just moved. Previously we lived next door to the nastiest 80 year old who weirdly seemed to go out of her way to disrupt our peace in the garden. Now we have a lovely house that backs onto a wood with great big high hedges. Our neighbours both have young kids but we never feel as affected as we did previously and we have a lot more space between us and our neighbours so that helps.

I understand. We live in a flat and I'm sick of having to both creep around so we don't bother downstairs while having to listen to upstairs scrape their chairs across the floor every mealtime.

It's really hard to live surrounded by people.

As much as I try to be grateful we have somewhere warm and safe to live, I dream of moving somewhere isolated.

Can I recommend an allotment? Generations have been going to their allotment for a bit of peace. You dont need to be particularly productive if you dont want to. Just enough to keep the field steward at bay. We have lots of seats on ours and this year DH has put up a hammock!