High achievers and self motivation

[DuploTower]

I'm very curious to hear peoples experiences and opinions on this.

Many of my parenting peers, or rather friends or playgroup acqaintences (pre lockdown I should add) are very relaxed about their children playing hours of computer games most days, encouraging and supportive of homework if children want to do it, but not pushing it if child isn't interested in doing so. Exams are similar, if they're not interested in studying then that's OK - they will learn motivation when something interests them. Leaving it up to the kids teaches them about consequences etc. If they'd rather play xbox before bed than read, that's fine.

When I was a kid and I think of my class peers, and those of my younger siblings, those who have done well and seem to have satisfying, fulfilling jobs and a decent standard of living are those whose parents limited TV, enforced homework, had stricter boundaries and high expectations.

It's most likely my social group, but it really doesn't seem common nowadays to expect kids to work particularly hard.

I don't know what is actually normal or what approach is best.

What is your experience growing up and what is/will be your approach with your own kids.

Or to make this an AIBU - Am I being unreasonable in thinking that if kids see schoolwork/homework as optional - they're not going to do it.

Since being in year 3 my 8 year old DD seems to have lost her enthusiasm/confidence which makes me sad as her teachers always tell me she is intelligent and lockdown is not helping this situation. She is an only child whose school friends were asking her to play online games which l have successfully avoided so far but l finally relented and let her join with some rules in place - first one is all schoolwork and exercise have to be done before the computer goes on. Trying to see it as a good chance for her to learn about internet safety as l think a blanket ban could be worse in the long run. My parents were strict with tv etc and l hated not knowing what kids at school were talking about so l try to get the balance - this way we are both happy (ish!). Hoping she gets her mojo back at some point - maybe this year's teacher and her don't click as previous years. Gentle persuasion l think is the best way.

Hi op. You haven't made your child's age clear and of course that makes a difference. In my opinion no child needs a computer game of any kind untkl they are agleast 7/8 and then it needs to be.managed by mum or dad.

As for h/w I believe that regardless of whether they have loads of little the parents job is to back up the school. If you completely disagree with the school ethos on h/w then it's completely appropriate to complain and make your views known but to actively encourage a child to ignore school policy is innapropriate.

At all times remember that your.child is a human being.who.is taking everything in and learning from you every time you open your mouth!

.

My mum never pushed me but we grew up in a council estate which I hated I'm afraid. My friends used to pity me.

I am from an ethnic minority and got bullied in that estate all the time - every time I walked out of the door. I worked my ass off because I wanted to be seen to be smart but also to ensue I got out of there.

My mum was great in taking me to all the xtra curricular stuff I wanted to go to - despite having very little money. I think she had a subliminal expectation that I'd do well, but she never said it.

Im not sure I'm particularly bright I was just a very very hard working. I'm now at C-Suite level and earn 6 figures.