I've had it today. Been on the edge for ages. We are in week 9 of lockdown because we had early symptoms after returning from Bulgaria via Milan in February. Tempers are short and I've been feeding, managing bills and customers (self employed with dh) and homeschooling the dc.
Dh cleans. That's all. It sounds fair but all of the mental energy all the meals and lessons and walks and dressing and laundry and cooking and well, everything else comes down to me.
He HAD to work yesterday. Didn't set an alarm, because he KNOWS I'll wake him. I know I know i shouldn't but it's my business and my and my children's livelihood and home that will be lost. Before me he got up and went to work fine.now I feel like his fucking mother cajoling and forcing him to get up.
He has no idea of how much I do. And today we were in the kitchen, I had one child holding up her laptop , with me talking her through the task whilst I was cooking dinner, the other child meanwhile saying "mam, mam, mam, MAM!" Trying to also ask me questions about her work, meanwhile NOT A FOOT away from me is dh. Washing dishes. Quietly in his own little world ignoring all of us.
I've ended up just walking out. I shouted at second child to be quiet until I've finished with child 1, or maybe ask her father who is also on the room! She walked out and cried instead of asking dh. I finished helping dc1 , turned to put the bloody lasagne on the oven, and called dc2 to come in and I could help her now, to have dh say "You need to control your temper!" To me.
I've had it. 12 meals a day, all snacks, all financial and emotional worries are mine and mine alone. All lessons - except maths timetables- are mine. Bedtimes, walk time's, get up time's, finding things to do, dealing with the girls anxiety and fears, the pets, everything, is mine. Cleaning seems like the better option. Headphones in and Potter around cleaning and tidying not a care in the world- it looks pretty laid back to me.
Yes I lost my temper and shouted. Frankly I've been getting increasingly shouty as this all drags on. Aibu to have told dh he can be mummy and daddy for the rest of the day and just sit in alone my room drowning in misery?