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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

This is rude, isn't it?

27 replies

MartySouth · 08/05/2020 13:12

I'm sure there's a calm and mature response to this and it's not really a big deal but it really annoys me.

A neighbour asked for something on our local FB page for a lockdown craft project. I happen to have exactly what she needs, it's unused I am happy to give it to her for free and she lives in the same street as me. She hasn't bothered to answer my offer. I've also posted to ask her to check her messages and I've posted a photo in messages so she can see it's a genuine offer. She has answered someone else who offered a different thing she needed but she hasn't bothered to reply to me for three days. I'm sure she's ok as her son has just strolled by.

I think it's rude and I guess it's compounded by the fact it's the second time I've offered something quite expensive in response to a FB request and similarly had no reply. In that case I followed it up with a phone call a long time later, the woman said she did still want it and eventually collected it but an apology/excuse for not responding. A thank you would also have been nice. Of course I am only offering things I can afford to give away, it's not a great sacrifice so I don't expect huge gratitude but a simple 'great! When shall I get it?' would be good. Or, 'sorry I realise I don't need it after all but thanks for offering'

I won't be responding to requests like this again obviously but I wonder why this happens. What's wrong with people? or AIBU?

OP posts:
SeasonFinale · 08/05/2020 13:14

Facebook is super weird though and you don't often see posts.

Elouera · 08/05/2020 13:14

I wouldn't bother offering her anything else.

MartySouth · 08/05/2020 13:15

I agree that threads seem to disappear and reappear on FB for no good reason. That's why I messaged her as well.

OP posts:
MartySouth · 08/05/2020 13:16

Definitely won't offer anything to neighbours again. I just wonder why people do this?

OP posts:
KindnessCrusader · 08/05/2020 13:16

Perhaps she's ill? I honestly couldn't get excited about this.

MartySouth · 08/05/2020 13:18

I don't think she's ill (or not seriously) as I just saw her son strolling by. I know it's not terrible. It's just something I don't understand.

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VerticalHorizon · 08/05/2020 13:19

At face(book) value, yes it's rude, but as others have said, those not familiar with facebook can very easily miss lots of stuff.

BawbagBiggins · 08/05/2020 13:26

Very rude - I answered a lady desperately looking for bikes for her younger kids. I have some in my shed from when my family were younger. All needed cleaned and tyres pumped up as you can imagine after years in a shed but all in good nick (not brand new though).

She was delighted, I wrangled them out of the shed, even hosed them down for her coming to collect them - she was a no show and then blocked me on Facebook when I (privately) messaged her to ask if she was still coming!

A few weeks later she was on Facebook asking again for bikes for her younger kids.

SoupDragon · 08/05/2020 13:28

That's why I messaged her as well.

Are you FB friends?

MartySouth · 08/05/2020 13:30

we're FB friends yes, so she can see my messages.

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MartySouth · 08/05/2020 13:33

bawbagbiggins that's a very similar situation to what happened with the person before this who also failed to turn up. There are all sorts of good reasons eg. you're ill, depressed, have changed your mind, don't really like the look of the photo etc. but surely you send a brief message with a thank you and a white lie?

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BawbagBiggins · 08/05/2020 13:40

Totally Martysouth - even a 'thanks but sorted now'.

Sometimes it seems that using social media means that all the usual social niceties just get forgotten.

I mean you would never ignore someone who directly addressed you in the street/workplace etc would you? (not counting these times of Covid where you most likely would try your best to avoid them Hmm )

HopeYouStepOnALego · 08/05/2020 13:41

@BawbagBiggins I wouldn't have been able to help myself from responding to her new post, suggesting that if someone offered her any bikes, maybe this time she would do the polite thing and turn up to collect them, rather than stand them up and block them like she did to you.

BawbagBiggins · 08/05/2020 13:45

I was sooooo tempted @hopeyousteponalego It always seems to the free/selling sites that it happens on too.
'Has anyone got an old (yet mint condition) speed boat lying in their shed that I could buy for £0. Seller must deliver and pay me to take it off their hands.

PippaPegg · 08/05/2020 14:25

No idea why people do this. I've seen it in church FB groups too. It's like they only want the help if it comes from the "right" person. Or they are just attention seeking.

Baffling.

Amammi · 08/05/2020 14:31

Are they scammers and you are a bit to close to home and they don’t want to bring the spotlight

MartySouth · 08/05/2020 14:38

pippa that's interesting what you say. This woman has been sharing posts about her lockdown craft project for a while now and I did wonder if the attention was part of the appeal for her. I think she's soliciting admiring comments about how creative she is.

What do you mean that people sometimes only accept things from the 'right' people? I must admit it's not just that I think she's rude for not replying, I also wonder why I'm not good enough to warrant a reply. She's a bit of a A lister neighbour and I'm not. I'm worrying that she only wants to chat with other A list neighbours on our neighbourhood group. It's almost like she can't 'hear' me because I'm so uncool.

My god I'm becoming so sensitive and lacking in a sense of proportion. I need to get out more!

OP posts:
MartySouth · 08/05/2020 14:39

She's definitely not a scammer. In fact she's very successful in a high profile career.

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alittlerespectgoesalongway · 08/05/2020 14:49

how long ago did you offer this to her?

I've had people get stress when I've not responded to posts within an hour. I don't check my phone very often and not at all when I'm at work (can be 12 hour shift). If it's been more than 2 days then yes rude

MartySouth · 08/05/2020 14:50

It was 3 days ago.

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Ohtherewearethen · 08/05/2020 15:15

Very rude and I agree with a PP, she's probably attention seeking. If she eventually says she wants it, after not getting offers from anyone else I would ignore her to be honest.
Some of the posts I see on Facebook are unbelievable.
Things like:

Wanted! New or nearly new fridge freezer, must be xyz size and brand, free or very cheap. Must be able to deliver to me.

Such cheek

YE420032c · 08/05/2020 15:25

Its not just social media. I sell on various platforms and sometimes people put in 50% off offers. I would feel ashamed to do that. How would these people feel if their boss only offered them 50% of their pay on payday?

Sometimes I ram it home by saying "No I dont do 50% off discounts,. I suggest you try Ebay". Mostly I leave out the sarcasm and just say "My best on this is $$$"

Some people need to get a life.

VenusTiger · 08/05/2020 15:37

I'm with you OP it's the most simplest of manners, acknowledgement. Our young children have better manners in most cases these days! It's similar to when you call and leave a message for a workperson and they just do not respond, even to say that they are booked up - it pisses me off for the same reason as in your case here, in that you're offering them something (work and money) and their ignorant attitude speaks volumes.

CrossFreelancer · 08/05/2020 17:05

If you aren't 'friends' then Facebook will send the message to her 'message requests' folder. Which doesn't ever flag up. It could be sat in there for years.
When I first looked, I had a handful of messages where the sender probably thought I was rude for not replying.

ElectricTonight · 08/05/2020 17:40

Some people are weird and rude!

A simple... "fuck ya then" would get an instant response!