To think I can survive this lockdown much longer.

[Ilovecats23]

I’m struggling.
I’m at home with a toddler and a baby and I’m 26 weeks pregnant.
We don’t have a garden, we get out for a walk every day but I’m having problems with SPD and can’t walk far, usually we go to the park everyday but we can’t do that at the moment. My husband works 5 days a week, 12 hours a day and I’m just starting to really struggle.
I can feel my mental health slipping with every day that goes by, the children are beginning to make me feel suffocated, my toddler has always been very cuddly but it’s getting uncomfortable with the pregnancy, usually we would go to soft play, the beach, see my mum and sister 2/3 times a week, see friends and have play dates, but now it’s just me and the DC and I’m feeling so trapped, I snap over little things that never usually bother me, I was on medication for anxiety but had to stop when I found out I was pregnant, at first it was fine but with everything going on I just don’t know how I’ll cope for much longer.
I know some people have it worse, and I truly feel awful for those people, but how are people doing this?!

Sorry for the long vent!

Was your title supposed to read *can’t cope?

@CountryCasual Yes it was 🤦‍♀️ My bad!

I really feel for you. Hopefully some of the restrictions will be lifted in the speech on Sunday.

Probably not much help to you... but I found with SPD that I ended up pretty much trapped indoors anyway...

What does your husband do to help in the hours that he’s not working? Could you buy a ball pit for your toddler?

My situation is not quite as bas as yours but I just wanted to let you know, you are not alone. I am at home all day with a nearly 3 year old, a 3 month old baby and a husband working all day upstairs. I have been struggling for a while and so sick of the same routines and need a break from being a mum 24/7. I don't really know what to suggest. Have you spoken to you DH? Does he have to work 12 hours? My DH will come down for an hour so at lunch to give me a break and make sure I have eaten and then he will take his lunch up to the office to eat whilst working. Are you getting a break at the weekend?

I used to be in an upstairs flat with small toddlers so I really get it.

I think one huge key is to get yoru toddle out and walking and getting tired. Once they have been out they are so much calmer.
Could you get dh ot do this? Is there anyway he could start later or take a 9 am break and take the toddle rout for a walk? Could he do that in his lunch hour?
This would help with toddler and also give you an hour of less pressure (I know you still have the baby)

If no then what happens in the evening? Does he help? Does he do bedtime? Get up in the night?

It sound as if you really need some help, and the only one who can do that is your dh. While I understand he is working, is there anyway to find some compromise there?

Could dp work from home one of those days? I know he'd be working but I always felt less stressed when there was at least another adult in the house- even if they are locked away.
If not possible to work from home could he not cut his hours? Possibly until this is over? Although I understand any hour cut may have to be permanent.
Does he have any holiday entitlement he could take as you really need him home at present?

I do understand but I think logically we all know that the government can’t call an end to the lockdown because we don’t like it.
I have an 8 week old DS and was so unwell during my pregnancy that I’d barely left the house for months before lockdown.

I was so looking forward to getting out and about again then within days of giving birth lockdown started and my DF, who had been in hospital at the time of DS’s birth, was diagnosed with cancer. DF and teen sibling still havn’t met DS despite living 20 minutes up the road. Given my DF’s cancer type I doubt he’ll meet DS for a long time (first grand child). I also have a very elderly gran desperate to meet him who can’t and we’re now not sure she ever will.

It feels shit and I imagine there’s people in worse situations than both of us but at the same time my best friend is a nurse currently suffering with CV, in a house share with 3 other nurses also suffering with CV. They went into work to save lives knowing their patients had it, knowing they didn’t have the correct protective equipment, basically knowing they would get it and taking their chances that they were fit and healthy enough to survive.

So no matter how crap it feels for me, you won’t hear me complain and my ass will be firmly in my house until told otherwise xx

I know it's not allowed technically but if you're struggling I think seeing your mum or sister would be sensible. The risk of covid is much less than your mental health. I would turn a blind eye if I were your neighbour and I've seen it happening.

Thank you everyone! I was a little bit apprehensive to post in here but I just needed to get it out!
My DH is really good, he still has to physically go to work so can’t take a break to help in the day but when he gets home he plays with the DC and we do bathtime and bedtime together, at the moment they’re not settling well so we often find it takes until 8.30pm/9pm at which point we’re both just exhausted and go to bed so neither of us is getting much, if any, downtime!
It’s annoying because I totally understand and agree with the lockdown, and even if they lift the restrictions soon I’m not convinced that I’ll do much yet because the virus scares me 🤦‍♀️ But I would definitely see both mine and DPs parents because they’re all still under 60 and healthy and both me and my children miss them!
DH has taken to calling me on his breaks at work just so I hear another voice, honestly his work gossip is the most exciting part of my day at the moment! 😂
And on top of this both me and my daughter have hospital appointments next week that at least one or both DCs can’t attend and my husband can only get one day off, so I’ve also been stressing about how to sort that one out without breaking lockdown!
I can’t wait for this to be an actual thing of the past and everyone can do what they need to without worrying!

I’m also pregnant with my 3rd and husband
working long hours plus me working at the weekends. Could you try a different anxiety medication? I have stayed on Sertraline. I tried to stop but I couldn’t. I would speak to your GP.

It sounds really tough OP, no wonder you're finding it hard . Hopefully there will be some respite on Sunday and you will be able to access some support, also a lot of sympathy for SPD, have the midwives let you know of any excercises etc that might help?

An your DH take the odd half day or WFH?
Or just take a day off holiday to be a home, take the toddler and give you some time?
I’m physically fit and healthily with 2 school age kids, and it’s still flipping hard. and my DW has started taking a day off a week or a half day of a whole day isn’t possible, to help out and balance things a bit.
Get your DH to take a day off hols.

I have so many friends who’s partners have suddenly to apparently work 12+ hour days all of a sudden and hide upstairs a day or go to empty offices. Just the usual lazy blokes trying to dodge the drudgery of childcare and housework. Hope your DH isn’t one of those... I’ve had quite a few in my team over the years and I can tell you know that as their manager I never needed them to work those hours... but most of them preferred and hour or two extra in the office getting home just in time to say goodnight to their kids to getting home at 5/6 and then having to have to help with dinner/ bath/bedtime.

It’s an awful time to be stuck with small children. Mine are 1 and 3 and we’re all on the cusp of it all imploding with juggling work too. If I was pregnant as well I’m not sure how I’d cope. Hopefully if they could at least allow parks or garden centres to open that might give you some respite in the future. It is all just very relentless.

Can you ask your mum/sister to come help you? You’re allowed to go to someone else’s house to provide care.

Your feelings are totally understandable. This won't go on forever, try to keep telling yourself that and take it minute by minute.

I totally recommend one of those indoor mini toddler trampolines with a bar to hold onto. It might help the kids to burn off some energy indoors if you can't get out.

In your situation I'd expect your DH to give you at least a day's total respite every weekend.