Ex-DP and I split up around a year ago. He was drinking VERY heavily, admitted he was an alcoholic but did nothing to address the issue. After I asked him to leave he decided to get ‘help’. This help consisted of anti depressants he took a couple of then stopped, counselling he went to once then cancelled, Alcoholics Anonymous which made him believe he wasn’t an alcoholic because, “My life hasn’t fucked up as much as theirs”. So basically he did nothing.
I’m a single mum at university (went back as a mature student) and our son is 2.5. I’m doing absolutely everything by myself, through lockdown, not being able to go out even to the shops because my son was born with a hole in his heart and is vulnerable. I’m still managing to complete my uni work as well as making fun time to distract him from not being able to see anyone or go out.
Here’s the problem- even though he has hit rock bottom he still doesn’t see his son as a priority! He’s living with his elderly mum through lockdown, lost his job, he has another child from a previous relationship that he dotes on. If his first child’s mum asked for anything while we were in a relationship she had to have it. Example- me working til the day my son was born to afford everything because I had to give her £75 a week out of my wages because he couldn’t cover it. Maintenance calculation on his wages was £30 a week!
My son is asking for Daddy multiple times throughout the day, and gets really upset when he can’t speak to him. His dad is ignoring video calls, phone calls, photos of him that I’ve sent- then when he finally replies he says he was busy. In a lockdown! Too busy to make time for his son? I know when he lived here, if his first son called he dropped everything, even if he was doing something with our son he would leave it and go into another room to talk on the phone.
I just feel like he’s the one who caused our family to break down. He’s the one who got so drunk he brought strangers back to my house when our tiny baby was sleeping, forcing me to phone the police. That happened more than once. He’s the one who forced social services to get involved after I was forced to call the police to get him out of the house on the day he finally left. He chose to walk away and now I feel so bitter.
He doesn’t ever have to wake up at 6am again, he never has to deal with our sons tantrums again, he never has to deal with the stress of trying to get him to eat enough, sleep enough, drink enough. Trying to keep him entertained all day when it’s just me and him, when I’ve got mountains of university work piling up and the house is a state. He won’t ever feel the stress that I feel and he can’t even answer a phone to his child?! I just feel like if he broke our family, he walked away and he is now choosing to only give a f*ck when it suits him- why should be be allowed?! Why should he be allowed to do nothing, have no responsibility for his child at all, then swoop in at birthdays, Christmas’, and sunny weekends to enjoy only the good bits of being a parent?!
I feel like if he can’t be bothered to even pick up the phone to his second child but continues to dote on the first, why should I let it get to a point where my son is old enough to see that himself? Why should I let my son keep going through the heartache of ‘daddy’s not answering’?