Do you think you are a good or bad person?

[catsears1]

I honestly believe I am a bad person. I have always thought this.

I don't commit crimes or wish anything any harm, and I would never say anything to anyone to upset them. However, I do have thoughts that are not nice and all and motives that are far from honourable.

If something good happens to someone, it makes me jealous if things are currently going badly for me. I will smile and say congratulations but inside I can feel the red hot envy. If things are going well for me or I do not want this particular thing that's happened to someone else, I don't feel envious and can be happy for them.

If I feel someone is a threat to me in some way, I will form a dislike towards them just on instinct. Usually if I feel they are going to take something from me (like my job) or undermine me in some way.

Do these thoughts make me a bad person? Are there people out there who can be going through a hard time due to the crap life has thrown at them, but still be happy for others achieving things they don't currently have?

I'm not sure that thoughts on their own make you a bad person, the only person that bad thoughts hurt is the one who is thinking them. It's a different matter if you act on them.

Most people will have picked up on your jealousy though, even if you think that you are good at hiding your feelings.

Bad, without a doubt.

I'm 100% going to hell. I reckon I've got a place reserved already

I think I’m a good person who’s done bad things. I haven’t murdered anyone or anything, but I’ve definitely hurt people and acted in ways I wish I hadn’t. I think with thoughts so long as you acknowledge them but don’t act on them then it’s okay.

For what it’s worth I don’t think you can be a “good” person without having some negative thoughts and impulses which you then choose not to act on. It is the very choice of not acting on the/causing harm that makes you good.
Going by what you’ve written you fit the bill perfectly.

I really think whether we’re good or bad is measured in our actions. If you’re a serial killer your lack of jealousy means fuck all. Likewise if you are horribly mean on the inside but you dedicate your life to improving the lives of others no one is going to care about your secret thoughts.

I think it is far too black and white to look at it like that. That way madness lies. Everyone has some bad thoughts sometimes or does bad things even if they deny it! They may take different forms in different people but no one is entirely virtuous. I think all you can do is try to be the best person you can be. Try not to hurt anyone. Have good intentions (even if sometimes you want to slap the person who you hate who got a promotion). Don’t use “bad” thoughts to beat yourself up with...

I just hope not to screw up too bad most days,

I think I am a good person but because we are human I think we have to forgive ourselves for that!

We can forgive our emotions, OP. They’re largely involuntary. It’s how we react to those emotions that matter. If you were to sabotage people or lash out at them because of your jealousy, then they would be bad actions. Still wouldn’t necessarily mean that you’re a bad person though.

FWIW, I don’t think I am a bad person. I’m not perfect - I gossip too much and say bad things about people when I’m angry. I’m trying to change that though.

I dont really think I'm a bad person but I think I'm nasty. For the same kind of reasons as you op. In first school I was a bully, I was bullied first, had a tough home life and through jealousy I was horrid. By high school I was the same inside but much more clever about putting others down on the outside. I dont know what happened but aged 19/20 I realised how awful I was and wasnt enjoying life because of it. I had a real hard look at myself and have worked hard on my behaviour for the last 10 years. I'd never act on any jealous/horrible thoughts now, never and I dont experience them much but every now and again the thoughts do creep in. But a pp was right, the thoughts only effect me not anyone else and it's me who suffers. I can recognise what's happening though and look at my feelings quickly

I think the fact that you’re even reflecting and worrying about it proves you’re not a bad person, because if you were you wouldn’t care about not being good, or you’d even enjoy being horrible to people.

No one is perfect, I guarantee no one would want some of the thoughts they’ve had to be public even if they haven’t acted on them.

I think I’m a good person on the whole, I try to help people when I can and try to see the best in people. But I have done things I’m ashamed of. On reflection they tended to be in response to feelings in myself like anger, not feeling good enough, (so jealousy, or trying to fit in) or just being tired or stressed. The main thing is to maybe identify what is behind your impulse to be ‘bad’ and work on whatever issue that is. Or in my case sometimes get some sleep

I'm not evil or anything, but a bit of a twat, and not just on MN. I speak my mind much more and it might not be for the best always.

I've noticed the twattiness has increased since my DH died. Now I think of it, he was forthright, so now I've stepped in as there's no-one to speak for me.

Or do I mean cunt.? A twat implies idiot, which I'm not.

Interesting thread :)

It’s really difficult to be a good person It involves being constantly aware of how your actions especially the small ones effect everything. There’s a scale of goodness and most people don’t have “being a good person” as top of priority list it’s usually to be successful financially tbh. The importance of character isn’t a massive focus.

If we could be convicted on thoughts alone we’d all be in prison don’t beat yourself up

Can you give yourself more time and do some nice things for yourself. Is there a hobby, sport, or whatever, that would make your life more fulfilled and fun.
You are too interested in other people's good fortune (or apparent good fortune, you don't know what their lives are really like) which is a waste of energy. Start trying to improve your own so you are too busy to worry about others.

You just sound like an honest person. Don't beat yourself up. I'm bad. Going straight to hell.

If I feel someone is a threat to me in some way, I will form a dislike towards them just on instinct.

Are you nasty or rude to them? Or do you just think bad thoughts about them?

edwinamay makes a good point. Jealousy doesn’t make someone a bad person but it’s a horrible feeling to have and unappealing to others. Most importantly it’s often ill directed as we never know another’s situation and what they’ve had to deal with in their lives. The trick is to concentrate energies on improving your own life. I don’t think I’m a bad person, I’ve failed at quite a few things and done a few things that I’m ashamed of in the past, but I have a lot of qualities that I like and have achieved things that will help my family. I also work in a profession that makes a positive difference to the lives of others. I think most people are a mix of good and not so good. My DB did bad things and committed some terrible crimes but he was loved, and I don’t believe he was a bad person as nothing he did was for any kind of personal gain; also he had a mental illness.

I think we are all human and are capable of doing good and bad things as well as being capable of change. We all make mistakes , have difficult periods in our lives and do things we regret. We also dont know what others have experienced and why they may act in a certain way. I think it would be unusual to go through life and never have upset anyone or felt envious ect. It doesn't sound like you have been horrible to the people you feel envious of but I understand it would not be nice to have negative thoughts. Things like CBT can help you change your mindset iif that's something you are interested in.