To feel cheated by ‘early’ menopause

[HollaHolla]

I found out, just as lockdown started, that I’m going through menopause. I’m only 41, and single. I’ve never had that visceral urge to have children, but always kind of thought I had time to meet someone and change my mind.....

I had some blood tests as I have been getting hot flushes, and now not had a period for 5 months, and it was confirmed my hormone levels were such that I was almost definitely in menopause.

I’m struggling with the physical symptoms, and going to start HRT, after discussing with the GP (over the phone) to try to help with those - but I’ve found myself really struggling with it emotionally. I think it’s also kind of the feeling that it’s the end of a stage of life.... I don’t know if it’s because I’m also single, and feeling pretty lonely, with too much time on my hands; or if I’m genuinely mourning not being a mother, but I’m struggling more than I thought. I have lots of lovely friends, (and usually have a lot of interests/classes/etc.) but most are coupled up/have kids, and I’m the first from my group to go through this.

AIBU to feel like this, and has anyone else been in this position. Any pointers/advice welcome (except get some hobbies/a pet - please.)

I do feel for you OP.

I think there has been far too much optimism about women being fertile well into middle age, and the reality is very different for most I can understand why you are disappointed.

Are you a member of a trade union? I know they have been doing a lot of work to support members going through menopause.

Thanks everyone. I feel guilty that I feel this way when others have lost their fertility in much more tragic ways. I feel for you all.

I am a member of a TU, so I think I’ll see what support there is from that source, and I’ll look up the resources others suggest.

I’m supposed to be starting the HRT next week (there’s been a supply delay with the patches my GP wants to try me on first), so will see how that goes. Hopefully it will help my mood a bit. I think I’ve too much time on my own to think about things just now too. Fecking lockdown. 😫

I felt the same way when I started menopause - and I was 48! To be honest I think it’s worse for you as being on lockdown you have likely had more time to think. At 41 your chances of falling pregnant naturally are slim - even if you were not starting menopause. However, egg donation was an option for you - and it still is. You can with hormones restart your system and fall pregnant with an egg donation if you really wanted to. But is that something you want? When I was feeling blue about starting menopause - I gave myself a real talking to and pointed out that at 48 it was clear I had no intention of getting pregnant. It was just the feeling I could not if I wanted to. So that feeling of being in mourning for my fertility soon passed.

At 40,if you reviewed your situation, you could still conceive via donor eggs and ivf if you wanted a child, be that alone or with a partner.
The partner bit, many may find the menopause reassuring if they also don't want chikdren/anymore than they have.

Yanbu when a decision is taking away it is hard to deal with.
The plus side is you'll be over it sooner.
Take your time to process your feelings.

HollaHolla
I’m in exactly the same position. Do u wanna chat privately?

@HollaHolla I’m in exactly the same position - do u wanna chat privately?