To not sing happy birthday

[user9846754]

I'm feeling a prize bitch tonight, our road do the clap for the nhs on Thursdays which i have taken part in, a neighbours daughter has her birthday today and the neighbour has asked if we can sing her happy birthday but my dad died on his birthday 3 months ago and I can't bring myself to join in or I will cry. I'm sitting in my garden crying silently so my DCs didn't hear me but I just know the neighbours will think I'm a miserable bitch for not joining in but I can't do it

Of course you aren't being unreasonable. Any neighbour that can't sympathise with your feelings is no friend.
I'm sorry that you lost your dad and especially on his birthday.

Songs are very evocative and you are grieving. It's nice that they want to sing for her, but entirely fine for you to stay out of it. And if anyone is rude enough to say anything, cut and paste what you've told us into a text message and leave it at that.

Stop worrying about what your neighbours might think. There could be a myriad of reasons why you're not on your doorstep at 8 today. You don't have to explain yourself, just say you weren't feeling well if it's mentioned. Perhaps your children would like to join in without you? Just tell them you're tired.

I'm sorry about your dad Let yourself grieve. It's ok to let your dc see you cry sometimes. They will understand you're feeling sad about grandad. Be kind to yourself and definitely don't feel pressured to join in today.

Thank you. It seems that I am now persona non grata on the street as they are all out there setting up their picnics on the front drives and are chatting away (I can hear them through the open window) about it, they have organised music and are decorating their drives and hanging up bunting and so on. Our house is the only one not involved. No doubt I will be judged for not having thought of doing anything to mark the occasion.

You’re overthinking this.

I’m so sorry for your loss.

OP in the kindest possible way you really are overthinking this. The neighbours are going to be thinking and chatting about their plans for today, not you. If you want to chat to the neighbours just go out and say hi. Otherwise just be kind to yourself.

The way you are feeling now is exactly why I'm very uncomfortable about the whole "have a picnic for VE day" thing has been approached. There will be people in every street who have reasons for not feeling much like celebrating. And it's even harder to deal with when your neighbours are being relentlessly jolly.

I hope you have a good day, doing whatever you want/feel able to do. Losing a parent is hard. I lost my mum a couple of years back and I'm absolutely certain I would not have been joining in with any street parties three months on. I still find Christmas hard and this Monday would have been her birthday, so this weekend isn't feeling great for me either.

Please try not to worry about what your neighbours think. Do something nice (indoors) for your kids if you can find the energy. And if you get the slightest hint of a negative comment from a neighbour, just tell them you lost your Dad and don't feel up to it. Cry if you need to. It's part of life and if they have any shred of decency they will understand.

Thanks for the kind kick up the arse I needed. I'm off down the farm shop to pick up my contactless order and we're going to bake cakes, eat ice cream and have a BBQ in our back garden and fuck it. Or maybe I will just crack open the gin and let the kids eat ice cream and egg and bacon sandwiches.

Forget the neighbours and look after yourself

I agree with the above. If you feel uncomfortable, just go out the front when you next go to your bin or whatever, and say Hello, like the bunting/picnic looks nice..sorry I'm feeling miserable my dad's just died.
Unless they're complete arseholes, they'll understand.

Relentlessly jolly neighbours having street parties sounds like the kind of thing I'd hate at the best of times. You sort of feel forced to join in or sit inside listening to it all like an outsider. It's shit!

You really need to put your own feelings before what you think others might feel.

Give yourself time to grieve.

I don't suppose anyone will think anything of it and if they do that's for them to worry about.