Ive got a friend who i think really highly of. She has never once in our five years of friendship made me upset. She's a lovely kind hearted person.
She grew up with a parent that was an addict. She ended up living with the other parent who wasted alot of money. So much so that they lived with my friend until last year. She's in her mid 30s. She definitely struggled when her daughter was born six years ago. She didn't crave a child her partner Insisted she would regret it if she didn't have one. She has done amazing with her daughter but she is struggling in lock down as she has no desire to learn with her mum. I've told her it's normal. She will pick it up when she goes back etc.
18 months ago the parent that was an addict passed away. They had only been in touch again for 2-3 months and then her parent got cancer. Probably from the life led. My friend paid for everything funeral wise. My friend's husband was worried about her being back in her parents life back then. He had seen all the damage caused over the years.
Since the parent passed away my friend has massively struggled with the loss. It's made her go through incredibly difficult patches. She can't sleep. She is down. The lockdown has made her really down again. I think it's highlighted for her as she kept very busy whilst her daughter was at school. She's a very tidy person. Her house is spotless and she won't sit down even if she's Ill. She never stops. She won't have a sleep in the day and she is so hard on herself. She still looks out for her younger sibling who fights and mouths off and is alot more rebellious than she is. She's very protective of her.
Anyhow when she's low I can always tell. She will text me or tell me how she feels. Then I reply and sometimes I'll ask questions or suggest things. She never replies back. Two days ago she was saying her child would not engage in the school work and it was making her so stressed. I said to her if she doesn't like writing then let her make things and perhaps get her to write the name of the thing she has made. Or just let her watch learning videos etc. I told her she was doing amazing and had nothing to worry about. She didn't reply.
Last week she said she was struggling about her parent. I asked her what part was she finding hard. Was it the loss. The wasted time. What she saw in the end or the past. She didn't reply. I wanted her to tell me a little more so I could talk to her abit more. But she closed down. Her sibling sent her a teddy bear the other day and she thanked her on Facebook for the gift. Since then I've seen them tagging eachother in alot of posts about fighting through. How their parent taught them to be fighters and strong women. She tells me she misses her parent and that she wishes she could have a hug. But her parent was never like that or there for her. I feel like she needs some help to unmuddle it all. She has also started taking her child to the grave and she's very troubled about death now and disturbed by the grave etc.
Its not my place really to help her is it now? She has her husband etc? I just worry she is getting herself into a really bad place in this lockdown. She knows it's all the extra time. She did say her uncle said she shouldn't be grieving like this anymore and she needs help. But it's more complex when the relationship was toxic isn't it?
Would you keep out of it? Ring her to see how she is? Send her a message? I feel abit of a dick trying to offer advise when I have not been through anything like it.
What would you do.
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Just feels like she wants to tell me stuff but she doesn't. I don't want her to think stick your advise what would you know? But I also don't want her to think I don't care?