Dd wants to change her name.

[inmyshoos]

I seperated from exh due to emotional abuse and tbh he has been a pretty lame father to his dc since we split. If he isn't 'in' the family and in control he can't function as a father.
We don't communicate directly, have gone through a mediator mostly. I find him very difficult to deal with and recently so has our eldest dd. She wants to change her name. Recently been really tearful over whole situation.
I don't mind if she changes her name. It irks me that my dc have his name when he has done very little for them and makes life difficult for us. He is narcissistic and so is his father. Dd brought this up. I would never suggest this myself.

Aibu to apply for her name change? I can apply without his consent based on the no contact and ea. Dd is 14.

I would let her do it.

I would let her. Sounds like she's thought it through properly and can back up her decision.

How often does your daughter see her father, if at all?

If I'd been aware of being able to change my name way back, I'd've done it like a shot. If that's what she wants to do and you think it'll help her, I'd say it's worth doing. I know two young people who have changed from their father's name to their DM's name. Hope DD's ok.

I think she’s old enough to decide. Make sure she u detest ads the disadvantages ie having to write it as a previous name on forms.

Would it be worth waiting a month or two to make the final decision, if you think she might be making it in anger?

Her name, her choice - and at 14 she is old enough to make that choice, I think.

I'd let her do it. It's not a big deal to anyone else but will mean a lot to her.

She hasn't seen him in months. Refuses contact. But her dd2 still sees him maybe once a month or every 6 weeks.

I hope our application is successful without his consent.
I think dd1 just sees him for what he is now. But yes changing her name may help her move forward... reinvent herself...

She can change her name to ‘known as’ and have it shown on her school books and records etc, however she can’t legally change it without those with parental consent agreeing to it. Or she turns 18.

I would let her change it to known as, and then change properly at 18.

It will mean all her qualifications will be in a different legal name.

You will need his permission, and there is no way he will give it.

At 16 she can make her own deed poll, but before that she needs permission of everyone with parental responsibility.

You can get a court order to change it but if he fights it, and I suspect he will, then it could cause more issues than either you or DD want to deal with.

Can you suggest a compromise whereby she changes her name at school and on social media etc, but keeps her birth name for official use until she is 16? School should accept this, its just places like the doctors etc where it will be her official name.

www.gov.uk/change-name-deed-poll/change-a-childs-name

If her application isn't successful now because she needs his consent, in 2 years it will be.

I'd wait until she is 16 for the reasons above.

There's no point getting into a bun fight with your ex when she can do it without his consent in 2 years.

Gives her more time to think about it but she has control over the issue knowing she can absolutely do this if she wants to - just a bit further down the line.

I looked into this as my kids feel the same. It's very clear that neither you nor even she can do it without his consent until age 18. So yes, go with a short term compromise and it will be something to look forward to later. My ex is entirely estranged (and useless) and they hate having his name
It's good because at 18 it is very.mich their decision and no-one can accuse you of influencing her. Good luck and sorry you have that kind of ex

So sorry it IS 16

Hi. I wouldn’t tell your daughter no but it is young to want to do that I would maybe meet half way and if she gets to 18 and still feels so strongly then I would let her.

My DD started using another name when XH left. At 16, she went to the registrar and got a new birth certificate. Informed HMRC and that was that. We are in Scotland.