Do cheaters always get found out?

[ohhsuchanamateur]

Another thread got me thinking about cheating and all the poor wives/husbands oblivious to what is going on behind their backs. I'm curious to know whether people think cheaters always get found out in the end or they can successfully have affairs without their SO finding out...?

I imagine theres lots who do get found out but the partner ignores it.

An ex friend's DP was sacked from work for sexual harassment, was sleaze to all her friends also and she stayed with him and even went on to marry him. He was vile but she will never leave him. None of our friendship group speak to her now all due to him.

I think it’s probably easier to not get caught from a one night stand / brief fling with a stranger. If it’s someone in your social / work life I think it’s harder to cover up.

These things often come out eventually. I found out about my DHs affair 3 years after it ended and I know of several people who have discovered things many years later as the OW has let slip to a friend when it no longer matters to her and it’s all come out.

Must be easier nowadays with texts and emails. Easier to get caught I mean. One slip up of not deleting a text it all unravels.
But there still must be loads that don’t.

No of course not

Plenty do it and don't get caught. However, I think it depends on how long lived the affair is and also the lifestyle of the one cheating.

I have friends who have cheated but if it is a one off or just a few opportune moments they have tended to get away with it. The danger point is when they fall for them (all women) and want more then it tends to get messy.

Some of them have been spouses of high earners who have been away a lot so also easier in that regard.

A teacher I worked with a few years ago was a serial cheater (everyone found out afterwards). She was rumbled at parents night when one of her children's dads sat in front of her and started talking about it being a 'small world' and that he would 'look forward to catching up again' in the same nightclub (or similar, I'm paraphrasing as I can't quite remember exactly). Unfortunately for said teacher, her husband was also a teacher at school and was placed at the desk directly behind her (parents nights were in the sports hall with teachers placed throughout etc) and didn't have a parent at that point. He heard every word and innuendo (along with this parent's child and plenty of other people who were gobsmacked he would even say something like that at a parents evening). Teacher immediately feigned a headache and disappeared for the rest of the evening leaving her poor husband behind.

This was just before half term and when he came back to school they had parted ways as she had admitted to shagging the parent in the toilet of some nightclub the previous weekend when she told him she was at her mums for the night. After that it all came out that she had been doing similar for years. It was pretty awful.

So while she had got away with it for years, it all came out in the wash eventually.

I don’t think you’d have to be particularly clever to get away with it, I think there’s a number of factors

• a lot of people turn a blind eye saying ‘I’m not going to tell on them because it’s none of my business’
• despite what it appears on MN, a lot of partners of the cheats don’t notice or wouldn’t read into things that raise suspicion of cheating.
• a lot of people work away from home
• you can make throwaway accounts on social media and create a whole new identity to get away with living a double life

@Megatron omg! That’s awful!

No I don’t think so.

If your clever (leave no messages on phone. Meet at times you’d be out/at work anyway, don’t use a joint account to buy gifts etc for your shag partner )and don’t have a snooping partner, unless the person you were shagging told your partner how would they find out??

Most people get found out when they get sloppy. A female friend of mine cheated.....she got caught when she was shagging the om in her bed and her DH returned early from working away. Took a sloppy risk and got caught

@xeniiia It really was. Her husband was such a nice man, he was crushed.

I'm curious to this also. I think my next door neighbour is having an affair with her husband's best friend. I doubt he'll find out because they're ALWAYS together. I had this gut feeling she was cheating because when her husband left for work the friend called round, just before the husband came home he'd leave. I kept thinking, they just must be really good friends. Until one day I stepped outside an seen her and the best friend walking up their road holding has and her snuggling into his shoulder and kissing him. While pushing her child in the pram. This has been happening for 6 years caught them but 3 years ago.

Or maybe they are all in a relationship together and they keep it private. Who knows.

A male ex - friend of mine has constantly cheated on his wife for years and years. I say ex because we don't talk anymore as I can't condone his behaviour.

He has had multiple affairs, multiple mistresses and ONS when seeing his mistress. His wife has no idea. He is quite a religious family man.

I think most one night stands go undetected. If the cheater meets someone on a night out, sleeps with them once and has no further contact then as long as their partner believes their alibi for where they were then it's likely that it will go undetected.

Long-term affairs are different as there is a lot of contact and more opportunities to slip up.

I knew a bloke who died very unexpectedly of a stroke. His wife was away for the weekend and came back to find two used champagne glasses, etc etc. Going through his affairs after it turned out he'd been having an affair for over 20 years, had spent hundreds of thousands on it, when all the costs of their fancy trips away were added up (Obviously he'd never taken his wife on holidays like that). Wife said she'd felt a bit taken for granted but really had had no idea. The impact on wife and children was awful.

Don't know if that is classed as getting found out or not.

I think you have to be very very smart to not get caught out. And people get caught out in quite stretched ways

I have a good example of this.

A man I knew- let’s call him Steve- couldn’t resist telling someone about his affair. He told his friend at work. That friend told his friend, who told his girlfriend, who told her mum, who told her best friend, who told her sister, who told her daughter, who happened to be Steve’s girlfriend.

I bet he never saw that one coming. She left him, of course.

They only get found out if They want to.