Family hugs nightmare

[user100987]

I just wrote a whole post and lost it as about to click send I won't attempt to recreate it so in a different style -

Very close family member dying and we were allowed to say goodbye

Different household

Very tactile spouse who absolutely ignores social distancing rules as is grieving (and it's completely her normal style to an excessive degree anyway so to not oblige would take huge effort and cause offence)

We were allowed to visit to say goodbye

AIBU to ask how you would approach this next time (funeral) given that the spouse will without any doubt go for hugs and kisses again. I don't want to give more details as it's outing but it's a really close family member and incredibly sad.

Check with the funeral home. It may be that the spouse isn't 'allowed' to be there and they are being strict on number of visitors and social distancing for visitation.

I’d give them a hug if you want to do that.

Sorry I just reread and I've misunderstood

Thanks both. It's one of those awful things you can't even believe you're typing to ask such questions

I'm really sorry you are in this position

The funeral may only allow a very small number and she might not be there anyway?

My husband is a minister and the funerals he’s done have been max 5/6 people allowed.

Why would the spouse not be at the funeral?!

If you want to hug them, then quite frankly, in this situation, I would.

In these situations I would allow hugs, if possible only touch clothing and perhaps have hand sanitizer in your bag. Unless you are in the vulnerable category then perhaps rethink

Why would the spouse not be at the funeral?!

Sorry I misread it as a spouse not THE spouse of the deceased.

Sorry to not be clear - I'm reeling at losing my well-written original post which explained a lot better! It's my Dad who is dying, and his wife is the spouse (so my step-mum but i don't usually refer to her as that as they met when I was a teenager.). It feels totally wrong to not hug but my DH is not happy about it particularly as they've got carers going in every day. We don't want to risk them (the carers) or anyone else for that matter but it's almost impossible not to allow a hug?!!!

So so sorry for your loss.

Bloody hell....hug her. She's just lost her husband. You love her. She needs someone to cuddle her.

Mostly I go along with my husband for the sake of peace at home (not in a walk over way - in an I respect your opinion way). Sometimes you just have to put your foot down. This is that time.

Sorry. I hadn't read the first bit. Your dad hasn't gone yet. Sorry you are in this position.

Thank you honestly I'm glad I'm not going mad here thinking that there was no way I could stop it Horrible situation.

I'm so sorry for what you're going through . I would absolutely hug

I’m so sorry about your dad

Sadly, I've been to two family funerals in lockdown and both were allowed 10 people to attend. It's hard, but we did social distance and we kept apart during the service. The only people we could use for support were the people in our household, although believe me we wanted to hug everyone. The funeral directors and crem staff are also very aware of social distancing and want to keep themselves and everyone else safe. It's incredibly difficult but we didn't have anyone trying to hug anyone else so wasn't an issue to have to ask them not to. It might be an idea when you see people to hold out your arms and just say "virtual hugs" so that they get the idea.

I'm sorry about your Dad, it's crap.

So sorry to hear that whatatime - I might try that with the exception of my step-mum. God it's hard. Thanks so much for the kind words everyone