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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Spending time with 96 year old

5 replies

Thingsthatgo · 06/05/2020 20:07

This is a dilemma for me. My DH’s nana is 95 years old. She is in reasonable health for her age. She is stuck in her ways, grumpy, selfish and very bossy. I quite like her though, despite all of that (or maybe because of it.)
Anyway, she bullies her daughter, my MIL. My MIL won’t stand up to her ever. I think she’s a bit scared of her, and Dh’s Nana often uses MIL as a messenger, to get her own way.
Nana wants to see DH, and our children (and me, but I’m less important) ASAP. She’s been sending messages via MIL, and she doesn’t care about lockdown. She’s not worried about getting ill, and she says this might be her last summer so she doesn’t want to spend it by herself.
I think she has a point, up to an extent. Nana lives 2 hours away.
I don’t want to go and see her and potentially take the virus to her, I would never forgive myself. Nana thinks that it is entirely her decision, but DH and I disagree. I think we should wait until we get a vaccination, or until the virus is at very low levels in the population. MIL just wants to keep the peace.
I haven’t seen my mum who is in her 70s, and I won’t until I know that she is safe.
I’m interested to hear what other people think.
YABU go and see nana
YANBU do not go and see nana.

OP posts:
Thurmanmurman · 06/05/2020 20:24

I've voted YABU because honestly, at 96 it might be the last chance you get to see her. If she was younger I'd say don't do it.

ludicrouslemons · 06/05/2020 20:26

I'd say yabu. If she's in sound mind enough to understand the risk but wants to take it, I'd let her tbh.

If your kids are old enough, you could do social distancing when you see her.

weepingwillow22 · 06/05/2020 20:28

I think it is your Nana's decision to make. I can see why someone that age wants to make the most of her time left. I do appreciate though it is a tricky position for you to be put in as you would feel terrible if you infected her whatever her views are on the matter.

Thingsthatgo · 06/05/2020 22:35

Yes, she is of sound mind, and fully understands the risks. I guess I’d like to know what her other children’s opinions are too. It feel like we might have to live with the consequences of a risk that she wants to take iyswim.

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 06/05/2020 22:54

She's at the age of a natural death. There's a good chance that this winter could be her last, regardless of Covid.

If you wait you may never see her again.

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