To ask how you spiced up your love life/got back on track

[Whatthelockdown]

Feeling very deflated, DP always wants to get 'jiggy' with it. Its not that i dont wamt to, im just constantly tired and when i am in the mood DD wakes.

She's nearly 5 months and we've had sex maybe 8 times since then, last time i really did not want to but was getting sick of being asked so.

I dont know really, maybe im just fed up of being a partner or feel like im failing him.

But, how did you get back to normal after have your baby/babies? I love my DP so much and I just want to be able to please him and also enjoy it again.

It took me a long time. DC is amost 2 and we've only just hot back into the swing of things in that aspect. I think lockdown has helped tbh with extra time we have between us.

Before that (especially when DS was just 5months) I was just not in the mood, tired, had a baby hanging off me 90% off the time and lived in leggings and hoodies, so felt far from sexy.

Sex was an effort back then and rarely hsppened.

Don't be too hard on yourself about this and explain to DH that he will need to put a lot more effort into seducing you. Tell him how you feel day to day and to take things slowly. I do see where you're coming from wanting to please DH but your body and mind has been through so much recently. Now is the time to be kind on yourself.
Put the onus on DH to be understanding about this rather than stressing yourself out about pleasing him.

What you’re feeling is totally normal. My DS is 1 next weeks & it’s only been in the last month that I’ve actually wanted to have sex! Before that I was too tired, felt unattractive & my hormones were just generally out of whack. Just be honest with him - he’ll be frustrated but he’ll get over it.

Thank you ladies, i assumed it was normal, just feel like im letting him down by not wanting to and then he feels all down because i assume he feels i dont find him attractive.

Just frustrating being told how sexy i am etc when i really feel the total opposite and its all a bit of a chore, trying to find right time, then when time is right im really not in the mood and would much rather to just have a cuddle.

Just feel maybe if i tell him he'll get even more frustrated about how i feel. Hes a very understanding and supportive person im just anxious that if i tell him i dont want to right now he will want to find it elsewhere.

Having a baby is so tough in so many ways i never pictured this being one of them if im honest.

How did you go about having the convo @FTMF30?

It is tackling the tiredness and getting some time to yourself that would help more. You are more likely to feel in the mood if you are getting enough rest. Being off duty for a while helped me feel more like myself rather than Mum, if that made sense. Plus, affection and thought throughout the day.

@blondephantom i dont think two minutes peace will ever happen let alone a bath! She just always wants her mama and it stresses me out so much to hear her cry. Ill try though. We are both very loving towards each other have a great relationship just thus i feel like im failing with at the moment

I agree with what @Blondephantom said too.

I think I brought it up at a time he tried it on (maybe not great timing) and I said how tired I was and how I just don't feel sexual so it'll probably take a lot more effort. In regards to blond plhantoms point, maybe you could arrange a time for him to have the baby for 1hr or so and let you have some time to yourself. I think the more you get back to feeling yourself, the more you will feel like having sex.

Also, if he's the type of person who will go elsewhere to get sex because the mother of his baby doesn't feel up to it, he's really not eorth your worry.

Just read your last point. Give it time. It's still quite early days yet. Try not to put so much pressure on yourself.

@ftmf30 Ill give it a go! Just the courage to say i guess.

She is usually pretty good, gotten better over the past months (obviously shes a baby and just wants her mum) but once unsettled really struggles to calm without me so i guess it's just finding the right time to do so. I completely agree though, think that would definitely help!

Just super anxious about pretty much everything.

I'll see if he would take her for a walk without me so i could have a bath an chill out a bit.

Thank you though definitely need to be kinder ro myself!

I don't think he would, deep down. Just something i feel may drive him away

It might help to think about how you can integrate that time for you into the daily routine. Assuming you introduce solids at six months, could the evening meal be something she does with her Dad, for example. Obviously you know your own routines and timings better than me. The walk would be a great start.

Be kind to yourself and keep talking to each other is a good tactic. He would probably hate that you are worrying.

Be kind to yourself.
It took me a very long time to want to have sex.
Having a baby that wanted to be in contact with me all the time made me not want to be touched at other times- when there was a period she didn’t want to feed/ cuddle, I just wanted my body to myself!
Asking him to take her for a walk is a plan, then you can get some rest/ personal time.
She’s so little, your body, mind and brain have gone through so many changes. Be honest with him, and gang in there- it will come back.

Me and my DP have always had an amazing sex life. We had a baby 4 weeks ago and had sez after the first week, and have every day/every other day since then. During my pregnancy I lost the ability to orgasm, I still enjoyed it and we did it lots but it wasn’t the same... since having my baby I can do it again and I can’t get enough! I think it’s important that they know what you like and pay attention to what gets you off.

@Blondephantom thats a good idea! Ill gst him to give that a go! Ill see if he wouldn't mind taking her for a walk for me as im anxious about her being in car on the back alone and asleep. He always picks up on my emotions, even asked if i was ok and he hadn't done anything which made me feel worse i think!

@Cantchooseaname thank you for your kind words! Yeah, i feel the same. Unfortunately needed stitches as labour was so quick my body couldn't handle it. I think from there i was just concerned about it hurting and from then not gotten back into the swing of things. I just don't want him to feel like he can never talk about it or anything but the mentioning it three times a week or more (even as a joke) makes me feel like im neglecting him, i guess. Just crap! Never tell you any of this stuff beforehand!

@vodkacranberry2 - oh i never said we didnt have a good sex life prior to it. Always did and he's never had a problem in the department. Just since having little one and BF her and worrying about it being painful as i had to have stitches I just found it uncomfortable and bit worrying.

Are you breastfeeding?

@likeafishneedsabike i am indeed

I completely understand. If you are feeling guilty then there is other stuff you can do. Perhaps you can give him handjobs or blowjobs here and there until you feel a bit more ready. Or maybe he could use his hands to pleasure you to orgasm over your underwear until you feel ready for penetration. Good luck. x