Was I wrong?

[PumpkinP]

My sister fell out with me about 6 weeks ago and I’m not really sure what I did wrong so though I would see if I was out of order.

A few months ago she met a man who from the off set was a walking red flag, they would argue constantly, sometimes daily. The whole thing was really concerning and moving very fast, he claimed he loved her after two weeks. Anyway they would argue and he would scream in her face, she would call me constantly to update on every single argument, saying he screams in her face, making out that she’s scared of him, saying he calls her names etc, then they would get back together the very next day because he “loves her” and wants to get her name tattooed on him and she would do the same, this was after knowing him less than 2 months. When they got back together she would deny the arguments or really down play them and make out she had exaggerated the whole thing, to justify getting back with him.Then she was due to go to his house (this was just before lock down) then they argued so she didn’t go, the next day she was going to go again but again they argued. He even called her son because she wouldn’t answer the phone to him. I don’t even know why he has her sons number anyway she called me and said he was threatening to beat her up, now because when they get back together she always denies what was said and makes out like he didn’t say what she clearly said he said or makes out like i got it wrong, I asked her to clarify what he said. I asked her if that was exactly what he said, I asked if it was his exact words. Well she took offence to that and said “I’m not going to have another argument!” And slammed the phone down.

I was abit shocked as I just wanted to confirm what exactly was said. Well that was 6 weeks ago and I haven’t heard from her since.
At first I thought I would hear from her in a few days when she realised she over reacted but nope, nothing. The trouble is we have a holiday booked which we probably won’t be going on now anyway but I haven’t been able to discuss with her (like cancelling or moving the date) I’m not going to chase her as I feel I’ve done nothing wrong, and I was leaving it up to her to speak to me when she is ready but I now noticed on WhatsApp that she appears to have changed her number.

So I’m basically asking was I out of order?

I would be finding out if she is ok she seems to be with a headcase

No I don’t see you’ve done anything wrong

I know She’s ok as she was posting loads of updates and selfies until today.

What age is her son? does he live with her? I’d be concerned about him.

Her son is 16, he is fine I’ve spoken to him on WhatsApp. I don’t think she’s been attacked by him or anything I’m thinking they’ve had an argument again and she’s changed her number. I spoke to my dad today so I’m sure he would tell me if anything serious happened.

She feels ashamed of her relationship and how she allows herself to be treated.
And the easiest way to deal with that is to avoid you. I think she'll come around eventually when she permanently banned him from her life, hopefully sooner then later because this sounds all very toxic.

She didn’t like your questioning repeatedly. So she’s decided to cut you loose.

Did you do right or wrong, it depends on how you asked, the tone in your voice, I’m not quite sure what you were doing would be classified as supportive, and I can see how it would seem like you were being a bit passive aggressive or judgemental, or the insinuation there that she wasn’t being honest,

If you were trying to be supportive then I’m not sure you’d have being doing that, there are better ways.

Either way she’s picked him, more fool her, but she’s a grown up and you need to let her at it.

That’s the thing if I say anything bad about him she gets funny with me, but my negative opinion of him is because of what she has told me! I expressed my concerns when she told me she would Be introducing her son to him after 4 weeks, he has the sons number and they speak on the phone.

You were not out of order. Its possible they are escalating and that if you do try to find out if she is ok, and they get back together again, he may resent you getting 'involved' and 'being nosey'. So take care. Remember the saying 'put your own oxygen mask on first'.

I'd have thought you were doubting what I was saying was true if you asked me to repeat it, clarify it, use the exact words etc.

I only asked her because like I said when they get back together she says she’s exaggerated the whole thing, or makes out like I misunderstood and that he didn’t say what she said he said. And yes it is very frustrating listening to someone constantly breaking up with someone then getting back the next day. They break up weekly.