Ok so my partner of several years delivered a body blow to me last year when I discovered messages including a photo he sent to a female friend of him naked (from the waist up) with the caption 'your turn' and then other mildly flirtatious sexual messages, but apparently this was all 'a joke' as they always joke like this and had done in the past years before I met him. I've never met her because she now lives a distance away.
Obviously my world was turned upside down because showed to me he WAS interested in her. He assured me time and time again that he wasn't and that it had been harmless 'banter'. He promised to remove her from FB etc.
A few weeks later (whilst checking his phone, yes I know this is crap but I was looking for more evidence), I found he had been searching local escorts. He PROMISED and REINFORCED that again this had been a bit of a joke and curiosity only and that he had NO intentions of acting on it.
You may all think I am naive, but I truly believe and trust him in this, although there is a tiny, nagging doubt that I've been a fool. There is no evidence whatsoever that he ever took things any further or contacted them, and I am believing him (almost)fully now that he made a twatish mistake. But it fucking haunts me.
Now we are further down the line I do still get attacks of insecurity. Things can be brilliant between us for ages, I literally love him so much and despite everything, respect him, but every now and again I bring things up, I simply cannot keep them in they eat away at me.
He refuses point blank to discuss it because 'it's in the in past' and 'look at all the positive things I do in the relationship, don't focus on the past'. He blames my reactions on my insecurity.
Like there's a timescale for getting over these fucked up episodes that HE created? The latest upset has been because he has recently 'refriended' this woman that he sent the original messages to last year, dragging up all the negative feelings from the past for me. He says he won't be dictated to over who he can have on FB etc.
Am I being unreasonable in struggling with his behaviour?