To ask what's next after kids

[SodOffCovid]

So maybe a wierd question but anyway.... I'm mid thirties and have two amazing kids, 2yo and 4mo. Been with DH since school, went to uni, got married shortly before dc1 was born. We own our house (mortgaged forever!) and I have an average paid job but with good hours for the kids, currently on mat leave. I don't love my job by any means but it pays the bills so it will do.

I want a third baby in the future, DH doesn't, as he says we'd be to cramped in our three bed. I don't feel the same but respect that opinion for now atleast, that is not on the cards in our future.

So... I have ticked all the boxes I wanted to tick... Much like many others do. But what happens next? I've been so focused on saving for a house, saving for a wedding, saving for each baby's mat leave, now I feel abit lost what I do now??

I'm being very cautious and saving what I can although I am on mat leave so money is tight at the moment and we are obviously very cautious about the economy which appears to be collapsing around us...

Aw there is loads coming up !
First days at school and nursery, last days at school and nursery
First nativities, first school disco , year 6 end of year play , sports days

Maybe a change of career in the future , holidays of a lifetime , 40, 50 birthday celebrations , do you have extended family too ? Weddings , anniversary parties

Cheesey but essential imo
.. enjoy those dc!!. Get planning some days out /holidays - make some memories -
My dc love looking at ALL the photos on our phones!! Trips out, camping, meals out.. Ds 5 can't get enough of trying to remember them as well as the older ones!
We have downloaded an app to get cheap prints to make albums. CV has made us def less complacent about things...

I know what you mean. Obviously living for today and enjoying your kids is a given. I suppose it's down to what you want. Career progression? Travel? Get involved with a charity area that interests you and get really involved -run a play group etc etc. Start a new sport, fitness, hobby etc. Its about finding something you want to do next.

Enjoy life?
Nice holidays?
Death?

What do you mean what’s next? Life, I guess. Just live it. It’s going to be hectic with kids.

I'm pregnant currently with our second and we won't be having any more. DD is nearly 3. I can't WAIT to have given birth to our second and last so I can finally 'relax'. That's what I feel I've waited for. We bought our first house last year, plan to extend in the future, I'm looking forward to getting back into exercising after DC is born and socialising with our friends, their children, holidays etc. Surely just enjoy the life you've worked hard for?

Ah, the kids bring new joys as they get older. We have a Japan obsessed teen. So we're saving to take them there. And we've enjoyed discovering all the things they're interested in. Except maybe standing in the freezing cold and driving rain at various winter sport matches!

I have a whole new career to the onr I had in my twenties and thirties. I have a much smaller mortgage, I have time for myself and my own hobbies and a fantastic circle of friends that I do interesting things with.

There's loads yet to come, honest.

Living is next. Enjoying time while they're young (and as much of a cliche as that is, now that mine are 14 and 9 it seems to have flown by).

Travelling with them, showing them the world, teaching them new skills, all those firsts that will come up. Take photos of them all the time, capture everything.

Yes, you've got a good twenty years of feeling you don't have enough time to do everything

To be honest, when I read your title I assumed your youngest was about to get a job and leave home. Your responsibility doesn't end when your baby goes to nursery.

Surely just enjoy the life you've worked hard for?

Yep, I probably am being dramatic. Damn covid for making me over think. It just seems odd I'm not drastically trying to save for something or have something pencilled in as next.... I'm not saying I'm looking around going 'is this it?' I'm only 34, but I am bamboozled by... I dunno.. Choice? Socialising with friends after three or so years being pregnant, breastfeeding on a loop seems so nice its odd (especially at the moment!) I'd love a career change but I'd need funding to pursue any major changes and my job seems too 'safe' given that the next few years are going to be difficult as a country recovering from covid. I was interested what people took on as the next big step but I guess I'm forgetting how many little ones I will go through with my kids

Saving for home improvements, travelling, a new hobby? What do you enjoy?

Save for retirement unless you want to work until you die.

Next? 20 years minimum. You won't need to ask

I know what you mean, I had done degrees, marriage, DC, house etc by 30. However I love that I can spend the next few decades relaxing and just enjoying life without having to tick anything off :) Going to have so many amazing experiences with DS, holidays, camping, day trips, film nights etc.

Savings wise we will save for a bigger house in a nicer area, for retirement and for DS' future.

I think the idea is to enjoy the present and what you do have rather than constantly chasing the next great thing, as if happiness awaits behind the next goal. Just be happy each day in your current amazing life.

How about looking at where you spend your time and how you can make that as enjoyable and rewarding as you can.

You may he spending a lot of time in a work role which you are not really enjoying. What would it take to really enjoy your work? What transferable skills do you have that could be used to help? Do you need experience or training for a new role of perhaps the same role in a different environment.

Enjoy.

Grandchildren :-)

I felt like this a couple of years ago, myself and DH had spent 20 years running around like crazy - getting educated, getting a job, working on our careers, getting wed, buying our first time buyer house, buying our forever house, having DS. It made me feel quite depressed that I didn’t really “get” what the next period in my life was for.

Then my grandmother died and for the first time I thought about the fact that my patients were going to die one day and I was going to die one day.

After that I decided to “enjoy” and “smell the roses” I did a course in mindfulness through work and that really helped me to see that actually you can’t live in the future because no one knows what that will bring.

You can only be happy in the present.

I'm currently saving to pay off the mortgage as quickly as possible so I can reduce my hours at work while I'm still young enough to enjoy life.

Just enjoy your family and don’t worry about what comes next. There are so many great times ahead for all of you.

If you want to save for something, you could save for amazing holidays and show your kids the world when they are old enough to appreciate it.

Next after toddlers? Schooling, for a decade and a half. Then possibly they love at home for another decade and a half. Then more decades of work,basic living, etc. Life is long, long, long, long, long.

*live

Save for retirement unless you want to work until you die.

Yeah, I do. This confinement to my bloody home office has given me a brief glimpse of what retirement might be like and .... you can bloody well keep it!

I get your question. I used to find that putting things into the diary would settle me. So a holiday in a new town to look forward to, a local event, etc Definitely enjoy time with the kids for the moment as soon enough will come the routine of school when the days just rush past. You mention not being massively happy with your job...so maybe you could think about a retraining plan. What could you do to get your dream job? Maybe that would start with an evening class one night week? Baby steps obviously.

Now mine are nearly all at secondary and I'm thinking Project University....how can we afford to put them through if they decide to go?

Enjoy your dreams. But don't forget to stop and smell the roses too.

A full on mid-life crisis.